start afresh, know God as the God He is. not the God whom we think He is...

what a painful head i have on 1st Jan 2009
Wednesday, December 31, 2008//

not good to sleep too much.
ESP not good to sleep with a wet hair.

I regretted not listening to Mama..
Now SApphire is having a bad headache :(

--AbsoluteSApphire8--
5:52 PM

i love this pic.
Tuesday, December 30, 2008//

do you?

--AbsoluteSApphire8--
4:05 AM

And it tells me so.
//

i have been feeling so ill disciplined lately.
Esp bcos of the Muar trip that break my usual cycle.

Sapphire is sad. sad & sad. very sad.

Now, i have to re-start my entire cycle...and i suspect...it will be tml? thurs? or fri?
SIGH.

Jan 2009 is here already...i only left with like 1 week?
How to do it!?!?!
Not even a miracle has do it for me.

Lord, I am so disgusted & disappointed with myself. Utterly.

Been getting much closer to this particular frd of mine.
Its scary sometimes, but yet, i really do appreciate this very interesting relationship which both party has been proactively & willing sow to bloom.

But the only scary thing is when both party gets too rooted, engaged and attached to each other's presence, that wouldnt be helpful.

Just a thought today...about this word security.
It is ironic that a short, fat & I-Am-Nobody woman can be MORE secured & beautiful than a tall, slim & having friends around woman.
In fact, the least secured ppl are usually those who strives to be rich, strives to be slim, strives to achieve & perform, strives to be popular, strives to be the limelight, strives to be loved etc...
How sad :(
Security comes from within. That nothing is able to add more to it, nothing is able to take it away....
That is when you truly know "your value", "your self worth" and your "worthiness".
Once you know it, the battle stops, and you simply enjoy what you like, who you are & how you see your life to be...

And though i know you are not reading, but you really do mean a lot to me.
And i really really appreciate you a lot a lot. The things you have done, the words you have done etc. I see it & I do appreciate it.
And though many times, my words doesnt show it to be. But i do.
And i do hope your gut feel tells you so too.

--AbsoluteSApphire8--
3:57 AM

My taiwan photos....in dec 12-16th 2008
Friday, December 19, 2008//

--AbsoluteSApphire8--
5:08 AM

i miss you so.
Wednesday, December 17, 2008//

It has been reali reali long since I last blog.
Not that i do not enjoy blogging.

But i am simply lost of words.

i am lost.

with so much in my mind, so much feeling in my heart, so much confusion & disorderly order in me, that everything seems so hard to be put down word by word.

Lord, i need some rest.
too much activities going on.
parties, retreat camp, holidays, bdays, celebrations etc.

i need to spend some time alone to reconcile & consolidate the things for 2008 and the things for 2009.

so many things have happen this 2008, so much miracles & good things, tat i wan to spend some time to sit down & recall....

i have so much to say to someone.
but yet, i do not know where to start, how to start.
and perhaps, who to say too?

this void needs to be filled.
this disorder needs to be rearranged.
this vagueness needs to be clarified.
this insecurity needs to be secured.
this heart needs to be loved. needs to love too.

anyway, been feeling reali lethargic lately esp when i back from Taiwan.
sleeeppppp is never enuff.
and i am so tired that i cant sleep.
this is sad.
this is bad.

sigh.

--AbsoluteSApphire8--
7:43 PM

MIXED SIGNALS
Wednesday, December 10, 2008//

i read this somewhere from a blog....and though that it was very very interesting....

"I have know this guy for a while. We are definitely not strangers, and have flirted a bit in the past with eye contact, "accidental" touching. Sometimes, though,he can be very shy around me even though heis very outgoing with everyone else. Well, I saw him recently standing near me and talking to a guyfriend of his and I calledhis name.He looked up and froze"Hi",he said deer in headlights."How are you?" I said, a bit taken aback by his reaction. Still frozen to the spot and not making any move to apprach me he says "Fine".Now, I was starting to feel uncomfortable ."How is school?" I ask in one last despearteattempt at having a normal converstion. "Good",he stammers. I felt so stupid I jsut walked away. Someof my friends and I thought maybe Ijust make him nervous and I should do somethingto break the ice so I sent him an email asking him about a homeowork assignment and well.....that was 3 days ago and he has not replied. Other than the fact that this is so rude...why is he behaving like this all of a sudden to me? Can anyone out there help me figure this out b/c nowI feel really embarrassed. Thanks!"

"Hi ladeedah,
First of all, I think its a small problem becoz from your description of him, he is very comfortable with his other pals but nervous in front of you. Basically, if I'm not wrong, he's a shy guy, but only in front of someone he has special feelings for. Most guys do feel that way in front of someone he likes, the fact that he showed little reaction when you talked to him the other day is perhaps becoz he was seized by one of his very shy days, plus his fren was around him and he felt extra pressure and juz stood frozen in time, not knowing wat to do. Its not that he is trying to embarrass you, thats the last thing he wants to do to someone he likes, or even loves. Hence, its rather reasonable to conclude tat he felt embarrased by what he did to you the other time and may be thinking to himself that he blew it. Shy guys tend to pessimist, so its no wonder that he didn't respond to your email. Right now, I guess the best way is to talk to him or email him again telling him how you feel. Though its an awkard situation right now, but there are only two ways out. If you dun think you like him enough after this incident, forget about him and find new targets. If now, which I probably think you would like to try is to talk to him, get answers from him and clear up this ambiguous situation. Its the best way to get the true picture though it may not be the most protective way. its up to you or him now, hopefully my suggestions works and gd luck to you, any gd news pls inform us, ok, we would like to share the joy with you."

--AbsoluteSApphire8--
8:06 PM

Tuesday, December 09, 2008//

--AbsoluteSApphire8--
5:37 AM

Sunday, December 07, 2008//

aiyo, i am confused again.

--AbsoluteSApphire8--
9:28 PM

SApphire's Inner World
___________________

THIS IS MY STORY... hmmm...a Virgo, a High C individual...Helper, AChiever & Loyalist. lots of expectation for myself..perhaps also for the ppl around me. dun like to face failure and disappointment, but i am definitely learning. a Passive person, but as long as i appreciate the person, i will take the first step and get out of my comfort zone. the Language of my love for the person that i cherish will be time. the greater the time and effort spend on the person, the more important the person is to me in my life. A stubborn, hot tempered, emotional, pessimistic gal.Loner. "Anti-social" tagged by most people if you judge me by the first impression =) i graduated in NUS as a mechanical engineer. i tried working in STMicroelectronics as a process engineer. but found that this is somethg that i dun reali enjoy. because i know God has created me differently. He has made me with a passion to be with ppl. He has gave me a gift to make frds and minister to ppl. He has gave me a unique ability to make sincere relationship. bcos Christ reigns in me. so after becoming a engineer for a while, i quited and i am currently working in Walton international Grp(S) PTE LTD as a landbanker now. it's a career that i reali enjoy bcos i get to meet all walks of ppl in my life. i get to help ppl to better invest in a correct way. to analyse together with my cients the oppt and not jus to do hard selling. cos i dun believe in that. i like to share. Not only so, I am also Volunteering under Touch Community Service in my Church, Volunteering in NYC as well as Sunday school :) right now, my only Wish is to become even closer with Christ in this beauty journey of my Life. i am a full time Christian & only a part time daughter, frd, landbanker, sportsman etc... Lord, everything i have belongs to You... drop me an email: yanying8@singnet.com.sg or 97545658 (Walton) or 90997000 (DTZ)

SApphire's Favourites
___________________

To have Harmony & Peace. DayDreaming, Eating, Sleeping, Exercising, Catching up with peeps, Reading, Shopping, having LOTSSS of $$$, Travelling, meeting new ppl everyday :) I love Real Estate. most importantly, to be in the presence of God!

Precious Words
___________________

Past Memoriess
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