my all tIMe favourIte bENGbeNg!! =) haha *feel molested or not!!*
Tuesday, August 30, 2005//
--AbsoluteSApphire8--
7:35 PM
My primAry schoOL CruSh! JeLvIn WeE GuORoNG! haha =)
//
--AbsoluteSApphire8--
7:23 PM
pLEaSanT SurprISe..sURPRiSE!!!
//
haha...the photo on top is my primary sch crush! =)
recently, i just talked to him over in msn through webcam! its damn cool! =)
he still looks very shy and boyish and cute from the webcam!though i told him this photo sucks..and wonder why is his hair orange!?!? haha..anyway, he dyed it when he reached aust to study! =)
but then now he very guai guai le...haha..cos got gf to control him =)
but its realli a nice feeling to catch up with him esp after soooooo long!
and ya, i got tianfu's msn from jelvin too! =)
maybe someday i should organise an outing in NUS ...haha..all the engin ai tong pri sch ppl should lunch together! =)
shaopeng, ek liling, tianfu, jianbi, me...etc etc =)
cool si le man!
though i'm already 22!
but i still miss my primaryyyyyyy sch frds so much! that includes you dice dice! =)
haha... *wink wink* -grin!-
--AbsoluteSApphire8--
7:18 PM
cOMpUteR SucKs...bUT StiLl??? my "BACk-Up" is in Him.
Friday, August 26, 2005//
my little verlyna laptop crashed yesterday and she is very sad....and some things are happening in her life, and she has been feeling rather down these 2 weeks. MAN! looks can be deceptive... but glad that she shared with me a little. i guess it's this period of time when she just needs frds to be there for her. with her...
and esp glad that we are staying so near to each other NOW!
and ya....especially when i was trying to do backup for my stupid eeediot bloody hell slow laptop by transfering data to my i-pod YESTERDAY! it says,"disk needs to be reformatted!"
wOoHoooooooooo, i forgot! the "supposedly to be damn chio, damn zai, damn trendy and useful" i-pod HAS FAILED ME TOTALLY THIS ROUND!
so i clicked on the "start reformatting" button and hacked care...i go and ZZZZ!!!
hmm...so morning i woke up...and JUS as i expected also, all my nicee songs are lost. *phwee phwee* BInGo!! JACkpot!~~~~ hahaaaa.....
i WAS super sianz at first, but then somehow i wasnt so pissed and affected anymore.....
it's amazing how God can speak to me even in this simple incident.
He said," you can put backup in i-pod, in thumb-drive, in cd rom, floppy disk. etc etc. but somehow, someday, it will say,"please reformat it." there's no absolute and secured backup in this world." He added," but for you. your life's back-up ins in Me. the back-ups that is stored in Me is scured and saved absolutely. It will never be lost. so you need not fear."
"freedom" just came to my mind now even when i am typing...when i put my trust in Him, i am secured, no need to fear and plan fervently. even if things cropped up, He the almightly has the back-up for us. He is always sovereign.
--AbsoluteSApphire8--
9:03 AM
the cruel definition of ...........*Trust*
Thursday, August 25, 2005//
read this from my "dynamics of interpersonal effectiveness" textbook....thought this definition realli illustrates what "Friendship" and "Trust" is all about....
*************************************************************************************
"Friendship is the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person, having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words"
"Trust is the willingness to risk, harmful or beneficial consequences, by making yourself vulnerable to other people...."
*************************************************************************************
build a Frdship with Him...and put your entire Trust all onto Him...
--AbsoluteSApphire8--
8:46 AM
alone in clean room ....thank God for the time!
//
hahaa...sapphire is in IBN clean room now! so stupid man...been this for almost 1 month le...jus realise that there's internet connection in the clean room too! yeah~~ now i can do my blogging here le...if not by the time i go back to my room..already 3/4 dead...dun even have the energy to blog le man.. =)
yesterday was a pretty bad and good day for sapphire..
i went to my MNO tut in the morning! thank God that i got the time slot that i want with weiling (fcbc) and jeff! but then..haha...we were randomly allocated to 3 diff proj groups ...BOOHOO!
but still wanan thank GOd soooooo much! my project is damn nice and zai! the ppl are funny, organised and luckily they are ALL NOT SLACKERS! they are the same type as me..haha..plan early, want to finish early, simply cannot stand last min stuff =)
luckily, there's this christian guy in my proj group too! from chemical engin yr 3, tok to him quite a lot in the tut and during lunch when we had our 1st proj meeting!
thank God..haha..dun know y but i always better much better knowing that there are believers in my proj group =)
then i went to my dynamics of interpersonal effectivesness tutorial! thank God the tutor was SUPER DUPER FUNNNNYYYYY! enjou the lessons totally! made a few good friends..haha..and ya, i made a christian frd too! Jessica from errr...dun remember which fac le...but she's from yr 3. cos during class, the tutor ask us to divide into groups and share one thing that "you know but ppl dun know" to the rest of the members in the group. so i said, " i'm a christian."
haha..then after that, she approached me and asked me which church i from, told me she's a christian too etc etc...haha..dun know why, but can totally sense the JOY in her when she knows that i am her Sister in Christ =) it's this particular engagement that is very special and haha..personal!
guess that's how i feel totally too! she's a nice frd and very frdly and sincere person too! hope to get to know her more and more in the near future!=)
but then..i was very affected and rather sad yesterday! (but i feeling okie now le..)
cos went i enter into the tut classroom...to my horror..SIGH~! i saw Mr.W there in the tut class as well..
i was like...."bu shi zhe yang suay ba....why is he in the same tut class as me!!?!?!?"
sighhhhh~!
worst still we are like sitting in a circle, and he sat directly opp me! naturallly you will tend to look at the one opp you...so for me..I TRY SO HARD TO LOOK ELSE WHERE..have to say...throut the tut, i hardly made any eye contact with him. fear. i have to admit. i dun know how to really look into his eyes.
during the class, i am like so not myself...so conscious about what he does and what i do as well...
i have to admit, there's this time when i was looking and observing him for a while when he is looking away ...and ya..i realise i still miss him quite abit.
but jus gotta push this feeling away la..that's nothing that i can do.
yesterday qiaoyun suggested meeting at suntec to pray for the spook's show at 530pm.
i didnt want to go. cos i was very sianz. very busy with my sch work. and just dun realli understand why must go alllll the way to suntec to pray!!?!
so..i jus keep telling qy that i might be late, might not be able to go..etc etc..lied to her that my lessons end very late etc etc..when my lesson actually end at 4pm!
but then...still..i end up going. i already know in the first place that i will defintiely turn up..but not promising her that i confirm will go...is to prevent any disappointment to her and also to God...so i leave a "backdoor" for myself in case i realli dun want to go.
so i went and qiaoyun and mel were late! i was pissed. cos doesnt understand why they can just keep getting late...and i was kind of rushing there also...from meeting at coffee bean to convention hall..the trouble of changing venue and caused me to walk here and there..the tiredness and busyness and the emotional struggle and the sress from schwork...you know. when everything jus overwhelmed and flooded you like that...man...you can't be in a good mood!
so i kindda show "blackface" and attitude.
then, at the end of it, i think qy sensed something wrong, so she prayed for me and i teared a little..then she asked,"you wanan share anything?"
i simply say,"No.nothing. i am oki."
at the bus, she smsed me...apologised to me for being late and stuff...but i did told her that was partly the reason, but also told her that i am okie le...not her fault totally as well..
but dun know why, i cried a little in the bus as well..
guess there's a lot of things going on in my life now..and hardly had the time to sit down to really think through things, to pray specifically about things..to perhaps even to kneel before him and breakdown and to be TOTALLY BROKEN.
yap. totally broken is the word. never knew this...until now, when i am blogging...broken...
when i reached hall...dun know why, guess i felt very guilty and God just prompted me to sms her...
so i told her and confess to her that i didnt want to go and that i lie to her about having late class and stuff like that..
i was very relieved when she replied that she realli appreciated my willingness to tell her the truth...and also encouraged me about some stuff..
but then i guess right now,one of the issue that i am struggling is that i need to learn to be anchored and secured in His love. to seek love from Him and not from the ppl around me. and i rememberd this is the thing that i share with huiyi some time ago as well..
alright, my cleaning is done...wafer washed and rinsed! gtg le...
need to go to level 5 to deposit aluminium on both sides of my glass substrate!!
--AbsoluteSApphire8--
2:22 AM
....^ quote of the day ^....
Tuesday, August 23, 2005//
was reading through my "dynamics of interpersonal effectiveness" textbook...and saw this verse...tot it's worth sharing and to be meditated upon!
************************************************************************************
"Being silent is not being strong- strength is the willingness to take a risk by disclosing yourself with the intention of building a better relationship"
************************************************************************************
--AbsoluteSApphire8--
10:50 AM
"tink tink tink!" --> New & refreshed in the Spirit!!!! *grin gRiN grin grIN*
//
TUESDAY!
Sapphire is feeling bertter and better each day!
been doing my QT consistently every morning during breakfast! guess that's REALLY the best time that i should do. to give the best time of my day to Him! cos....those who know me well know that...i am an early person! =)
learnt the most in the morning, efficiency is the highest in the morning!
as i begin to return back to Him, fix my eyes on Him and make J the utmost priority in my life...hmmmm....interestingly, the rest of the things become much smaller.
these fews days have been pretty good for me!
learnt a lot and realise a lot from SOL, from my QT, from reading the book "i kissed dating goodbye."...and even from my arts module "dynamics of interpersonal effectiveness"...some how...a lot of things seem to be much repetitive...
still collecting my thoughts here and there...but i guess, the Truth must sink in and i must also act upon it! if not...these will just be knowledge in the head (inward representation)that are not demonstrated from my actions.(outward representation)
while i was reading the book "i kissed dating goodbye", the damn cuteeeee author Joshua mentioned,"if you do not know how to love your daddy and mummy, how can you love your partner in the long run? if you do not love your young siblings....how can you love your own children?"
Praise God! it really really struck me hard in the face!
even right now...in our singlehood, i guess it's really the best time to transform our lives, to change into a better person and even to prepare ourselves for the one that God will send into our lives! pastor rachael said in SOL,"if you want your partner to be perfect, make sure you are at equal standing with him."
hmmmmm...interesting....but then the point that i want to bring across is not you gotta strive to be righteous or be so filled with love for the ppl around you so that God will send your "partner" to you!
that's absolutely wrong!
the driving force to work towards righteousness is to glorify Him, to demonstrate His love for us to the outer world!
we just have to believe that in His time, in His way, in His own plans for us, He will show us the things in our lives. God doesnt like mind games. He don't play "hard to get, hard to guess" games with us. but oftenly we mistook God as the "sadist" bcos of our shortsightedness. our impatience.
His grace and sovereignity simply surpasses all human understanding.
let's strive to build treasures in Heaven. Be a friend to the ppl around you, just as how Christ has demonstrated and extended His frdship for us! -AMEN-
--AbsoluteSApphire8--
9:01 AM
___*F.A.I.T.H is like Trustfall........*___
Saturday, August 20, 2005//
alright. busy day still. but doesnt matter. saturday is over. no point grumbling abt my day again.
*************************************************************************************
went to church today.I remembered i told huiyi yesterday night that its been a long time since i last cried in church. been a long time since i really get engaged with Him.
been thinking for the past few days about my life recently, about my feelings and stuff.
spoke to sharon and huiyi on sat...and God kindda revealed to me that the BIG problem with me now is that i have been drifting away from Him. it's not that i am turning away from Him.
just that i haven been spending quality time with Him. either in doing my QT or reading the bible in a hasty manner or just praying because i had to pray, and no matter how much you pray, you know that you have not engaged with Him at all.
jus like what miss.gan told me tonight in the car, "you are simply praying with your own strength and might."
and yes...if she never told me, i would not have known the reason behind. my strength. totally.
somehow, today's sermon is like totally for me.
(1) lack of JOY in my life.
(2) been drifting away
(3) my heart has grown smaller and smaller
(1) A single mind : my purpose of life
(2) submissive mind : to allow Him to do his work
(3) secure mind : to believe that He will complete the work he started in my life.
J.O.Y --> put Jesus FIRST in your life, followed by the others then finally yourselves.
i guess the reason why i have been feeling so empty and loss recently is cos my life has been so involved with Y.Y.Y.
i still remembered that time when i got my 3rd student, i told God, "if tuition is gonna take up so much of my time and cause me to compromise you. i will give them all up."
somehow, yesterday when i was talking to sharon, i jus remembered this promise that i made to Him back in jan/feb.
so after thinking through the whole of friday night, i decided to give both my o level students up.
soooo...i went for both tuition today from 9-1 and told them about my decision...but then they want to have tuition still!
sooo, i suggested having tuition forthnightly! so basically its like having 1 student lah...once per week. Thank God they agree!
then on the train back home...decided that i should also give my pri sch student up as well...so i msged my frd and Thank God that she is interested...now the only thing that i am afraid is that the mother may not be happy and wants me to continue to tutor her child!
alright...i shall think it through and pray first, before i confirm with my decision!
as much as i am tempted by my monthly income. i think there's seriously a need to give my tuition up! need to have more time for myself. to rest. to relax. to be crazy. to have time for Him. to have time for my friends...
during the worship in church...when the song "i laid aside my majesty" was played...i just stood still there...close my eyes and listen to the lyrics.
suddenly God just reminded me of this principle that i believe strongly in my life.
that is ,"you need 2 hands to make a clap. you and your frd will need to reciprocate before the frdship can start to develop and grow. if only 1 party is making the effort, then things will never work out."
and i was reminded of the times when i felt so disappointed and loss when i felt that i am like the only one willing to put my hands up...waiting ...and waiting for the other party's hand to give me a clap.
so He told me," as much as you feel the disappointment. i feel that too. i have been putting my hands for you, but you simply never put yours there. you complain and feel sad that your frds don't reciprocate, but do you know that you are just exactly the same way like them towards me?"
man. i was stunned. dumbfounded. a slap hard in the face.
tears overwhelmed my eyes. felt guilty. tried hard to fight back my tears. but i failed.
how i wish i wasnt in church, then i will have a good good cry. its been such a long time since i reali realli cried. i mean realli cry.
at the end of the service, altar call was made. i know i was the one. but i didnt go down. pride held me back. always. without fail.
so i stood there once again.
i know that i will only feel much better after having a thorough breakdown by crying.
but till now, i still haven. the feeling was right during the worship and also after church. but timing wasnt right.
but at least NOW i can confirm the reason and source of problem for losing that JOY in my life.
and i know exactly what i should do.
and i thank God.
He never let me go. =)
--AbsoluteSApphire8--
11:56 PM
MY pErSonal CoLlEctIon Of foOD...haha...OnlY my dear dice dice will understand! =)
Friday, August 19, 2005//
--AbsoluteSApphire8--
8:33 PM
traVelLiNG iN The tUnNEl...BuT I CAn SEE tHE "LigHt" comInG.
//
alright. finally, found a little joy today!
though its still a long day, but at least, i am giving myself a little break.
came back at 430pm, ate an apple and went to sharon's room to catch up with her. to fellowship with her. it's been so long since i last really tok to her. missed toking to her. she is full of shit. full of crap. but i love it! she is sharon =)
finally~~~~ after so long, had the chance to dine with my fav dice dice =)
15+ yr frd at temasek hall comm hall!
though the food suckssss, but it doesnt matter! cos at least got a chance to catch up with her!
hmmm...its 19th of aug and she is like asking me about plans for my bday!
haha..thankssss dear! "wo ai si ni le!"
but then, its only a bday ya!!! its the company that matters! =)
no need to do untilllll so grand1 appreciate your efforts. realli! every year. without fail =)
i guess friends are very important in our life. they are like our "torchlight". bring us out of our darkness. there to guide us. back on track.
thank God for the good friends that i have in my life. appreciate them.
rest. very essential. very neccessary. very personal. you need rest to continue your journey. only when you are rested, then joy will come. be more generous. be nicer to your body. give it a break, before it realli breakssss.
wat a friday, so much to do..yet at the back of my mind..."work...work...work"
cant shake it off!
feel like going to ntuc to buy groceries. to go fongseng to slack. to mc-cafe to enjoy the ambience. to HV coffee club to drink coffee.
but once again. sorry, still not quite generous to pamper myself.
but, i shall sleep early tonight. maybe 10? 11?
i dun know. been like 4 months since i last slept before 12am.
sighh...Sapphire used to be such a good good girl. sleep early. wake up early.
but now...Sapphire is an old old woman. sleep late. wake up. JUST as early.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
SMILEEEEEE. LET YOUR LIFE BE FILLED WITH HAPPINESS. PEACE. JOY.
A CHEERFUL HEART IS THE BEST MEDICINE!
haha...if you cant be happy. dun let it affect the ppl around you! =)
continue to smile, cos you never know who might be in love with your smile (",)
--AbsoluteSApphire8--
8:17 PM
mr.kOK leonG --> my "yuan bin" Look-alike "SHi GE" IN eNGiN!!! =) hahaha...
//
--AbsoluteSApphire8--
7:53 PM
e4 girlsss: convOCATIOn DINNEr In temaseK hall!
//
--AbsoluteSApphire8--
7:50 AM
aN "unrEvEaleD" Truth bEhIND thE tRAiN.....
//
this is the devotion that i read yesterday...thought its quite meaningful.
*************************************************************************************
Thursday, August 18, 2005
The Ultimate Sacrifice
"For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life."
— John 3:16
I heard a true story about a man who operated a drawbridge. At a certain time every afternoon, he raised the bridge for a ferryboat to go by, and then lowered it in time for a passenger train to cross over. He performed this task precisely, according to the clock.
One day, he brought his son to work so he could watch. As his father raised the bridge, the boy got excited and wanted to take a closer look. His father realized his son was missing and began looking for him. To his horror, his son had come dangerously close to the bridge's gears. Frantic, he wanted to go rescue him, but if he left the controls, he would not be back in time to lower the bridge for the 'approaching passenger train.
He faced a dilemma. If he lowered the bridge, his son would be killed. If he left it raised, hundreds of others would die. He knew what he had to do. With tears streaming down his face, he watched the passenger train roll by. On board, two women chatted over tea. Others were reading newspapers. All were totally unaware of what had just transpired. The man cried out, "Don't you realize that I just gave my son for you?" But they just continued on their way.
This story is a picture of what happened at the Cross. God gave up His beloved Son so that we might live. But most people don't give it a second thought. How about you? Are you conscious of the ultimate sacrifice God made on your behalf? Will you be sure to thank Him?
*************************************************************************************
it's realli saddening when NOBODY on the bloody hell train knows that this man jus lost his son. not even a thank.a comfort tap on his shoulder. a nod on their head. grieve on their face. NOTHING. instead, what you see is them having great fun over there...issit even worth it in the first place for the man to sacrifice his son?
think abt it.
--AbsoluteSApphire8--
7:38 AM
fLY me tO the mOon....
Thursday, August 18, 2005//
alone in my room. 7.10pm. click onto the icon on nus-cast "channel 8". sucks! not working. no network.
tired.am very tired.drained and feel like dying right now.no meaning.PMS?doubt so. never come for 2 months le.
sigh. yet another sigh.
8 hrs in IBN. clean room."astronaut" suit. tweezers. stress analyser and thickness measurement system. PECVD system. stupid hair. messed up by the stupid "astronaut" suit. sigh.
rain. wat a nice day. yet i cant see and cant feel the raindrops. tired.
i love rainy dayssss. always give me a very nice feeling. a sad feeling. feel so personal. God just knows that i needa this rain. though i cant feel...but standing behind the glass window. level 7. is good enuff. and i thank You.
love bananas. just ate one for dinner. didnt wash it, didnt cut it. tired. plus, the skin looks pretty clean. so doesnt matter. too tired to even bother to wash it.
ya, i forgot. bananasss in pyjamas. miss the show. stupid but ...still? does it matter? NO, it doesnt.
listening to my fav music piece ==> richard clayderman - Marriage D'Amour.
sad song. love song. personalised song. jus like the rain. i needa that. God just reminded me to search into my computer, d drive, songs, piano pieces...and ya, there it goes. been 6 months plus since i last listened to this song.
nus-cast ? still down.
has my tiredness remove all my joy?
my spirit is willing but my flesh is weak.
i am a human. not a superwoman. not a wonderwoman. i cant do so much things.
things are getting out of hand...hmmm.STOP IT!
guess, i am causing and driving myself into depression!
tiredness??!??! studies?!?!?! HACK CARE LA!
teach brother work? tuition? KAOZZZZZZ! dun even have time for myself, still gotta teach other ppl...ironic. FUNNY!
fly me to the moon. and never send me back. please. i beg you.
not with the "astronaut" suit please. tired of that. phobia.
give me a levi jeans?an adidas sneaker? a nike jacket? a tank top?
no need.
fly me to the moon. where there is no body there. nobody there?!!? are you sure? you want it?
nah...haha..kidding. at this stage, if i go there, i will just commit suicide!
KIDDING!
dun worrrryyy, i will be fine!
jus some stupid complains. esp after a day of hard work.
alright, life still goes on and on and on.
I MUST FIND BACK THE JOY IN MY LIFE.
GOD SHALL BE THE ANSWER. - amen. -
--AbsoluteSApphire8--
7:23 PM
NO fear...HIdDEn FEaR UncoVErED...
Wednesday, August 17, 2005//
Sapphire is virgo baby.
last time i used to read up and believe a lot about horoscope...and true enuff, i always believe that Virgo generally are more health conscious...so rather very affected when it comes to health issue...
which is quite true...i ALWAYS get very concerned or freaked out when i get sick, or when ppl make comments relating to my health issues...
but when during church encounter camp, i leart that horoscope is actually wrong..its just another decepting tool or theory that we should never believe or get obsess with.
after that camp, i totally stop reading on horoscope stuff..or maybe sometimes i will take a peak at the magazines or newspaper etc etc...but then ultimately the stand is that i am NOT gonna believe it...and i am NOT going to deceive myself and then try to believe that "ya...this is what is going to happen to me today!"
cos i seriously get to see the whole deception already..when you read, you believe, then chances are it will happen...cos YOU MAKE IT HAPPENED! thats how our human belief system is...and how fatal it can be as well...if you dun handle it well!
anyway, the point that i want to make this is that...SIGH...after toking to huiyi yesterday...i realise...the fear of getting sick is getting quite overwhelming...and i only notice it yesteday that since young i am always afraid of "getting sick". thats why fear....
perhaps thats why i always wanted to get associated with the medical side, so that i am be more aware of my body and wellness so that i wont get sick...
wow kaozz...i guess it's hard to get rid of this fear..but i must try!
if not this will i believe eventually gonna make me coocoo..cos i will get too paranoid about things and comments...ultimately get to the pyschological part as well.
really gotta pray hard that GOd will remove all my fears...cos it's by His blood and by the work of the Cross that i am healed! that no sickness or disease shall be in me! but everything is removed at the point when Christ died on the Cross!
"believe when you pray and you shall receive it!"
i shall believe in His everlasting love for me! i must fleeeeeeee away from this so negative paradigm of mine, this fear, the paranoid-ness that i always experience!!!
i must overcome it!
i must stop thinking that i am sick!
its hard but i MUST DO IT!!!
--AbsoluteSApphire8--
7:20 PM
* I kissed Dating Goodbye.......*
Tuesday, August 16, 2005//
yesterday i went to my first Hi-Lo class with ver and deedee!
haha...quite fun...cos we jus ended up laughing and laughing at one another...
it wasnt really like an aerobics class also la...jus some moves with jumping movement and stuff...BUT all in all, i didnt really sweat much as compared to the 2 coocoo girls!!!! (and i wonder why mannnnnnnn~~~~~)
perhaps next semester we might want to try out pilate as well! last year le....must TRY OUT EVERYTHING LIAO! if not then "mei you ji hui" le.... *sigh!*
after the class, i had a pretty long chat with ver updating about our lives, sharing and discussing about some issues in our lives...
somehow it just feels so good to be back in halL! no longer about mugging and mugging in my room...but there's so much interaction now! been talking quite a lot to ver, to huiyi(eversince she is back in church and th and SINGAPOREEEE!!!)and even sharon.
and the funny thing is that recently, the topic that is always being brought up during the conversation is about "Love, dating, marriage" etcc etcc...
MAN! ARE WE GETTING GAN CHEONG TO GET MARRY, TO GET A BF??? TO BE MADLY IN LOVE??
haha..dun think so la! =)
but from the sharing that i had with huiyi,ver and sharon indeed makes me think about some stuff in my life as well...esp since i am currently reading on the book "i kissed dating goodbye" and the SOL lesson is on " marriage courtship" etc etc also!
what the book struck me most so far is this 2 things that the author stated out..
(1) do you always look at your christian guy friends around you as the POTENTIAL boyfrd or husband? or do you sincerely treat them as your dear brothers?
(2) the setting to find a bf or husband should always begin from a friendsss setting! never dating setting...cos in a dating setting, tendency are you only get to see the "super perfect and flawless" side of the partner... and you will also tend to "present" your best...which is VERY FAKE!
actually all along i always wanted to get marry at a later age like 27-28? give birth around 29-30?
but then when i was talking to ver, somehow...haha...i kindda change my perspective about this thing =)
what she said was quite true..."temptation is always very real and very hard to resist, so marrying early might be good if you know that the guy is seriously the one for you...then, chances are...the probability of committing immorality or sin will be lower as well..."
thinking of it after when i went back to room...i tot..."hmmm..interesting..actually quite true hor.."
haha...if you know that the guy is seriously the one for you..then sacrificing a few yrs of your single life to prevent yourself from falling..is definitely MUCH WORTH IT! =)
let's see....haha...
but still.....i am still enjoying my single life! no need to deliberately find someone to destroy the peace and freedom that i having now! haha...but then, if "the one" really appear....hmmm...we shall see if Sapphire will be able to overcome the fears, issues, reservations, concerns etc that I have.......we shall see.....
--AbsoluteSApphire8--
9:06 AM
Jesus .... the God of "How much more"
Sunday, August 14, 2005//
i still remembered the times when i cried over my brother's issue of wanting to quit school...the amount of stress that i had during those days. the struggles and the petition that i cried to Him.
for the week that my brother had his mid term paper, i prayed unceasingly everyday. prayed in the morning and in the night hoping that God will bless his paper and allow him to jus "passed" his exams!
thank God that He has brought my brother back to his school...it's definitely by God's Grace that he has stopped complaining about wanting to quit sch and stuff...i just wannan believe God for His timing and Adundance Blessing upon my brother's life.
today, when i was at home eating dinner, my brother actually released his exams results to my mother and I...indeed, i was rather shocked by his performance. it's definitely the work of God.
surprisingly, he passed alllllll his modules, and did pretty well like 85marks and 86 marks for 2 of his modules. the other 2 modules he scored 50+ and 60+. and for the 86 marks module, he is actually the 2nd highest in his class.
MAN! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?!?!?
this super lazy brother of mine who kept skipping classes, only spend 1-2 weeks to start studying before exam can get this kind of results.
although i have to give him some credit (definitely, cos i know that he has really worked pretty hard and has been very stresed up during those times..) and also give myself some credit for being so patient with him even as i teach him...., i guess the most important thinggy that i wanna point out is His grace. With God, all things are possible. and from my brother, i indeed see how God works in his life even through my prayers.
there was one day i remembered vividly when i prayed for my brother unceasingly in the mrt train for his morning ppr...and i always prayed to Him that He will bless my brother and grant him the ability to "just passed" his paper will do..
but surprisingly, that particular morning, God spoke to me. He said, " why do you only pray for your brother that he will "just passed" his paper? why don't you pray that he will do very well for his exams??? do you doubt the degree of my blessings for him?"
at that time, i was pretty stunned and i was thinking.." ya...why i never dare to be a bit more greedy and ambitious to ask God for greater blessings for my brother?" so after hearing from Him, i took a step of faith and prayed the kind of prayers that God directs me. i prayed for good results for my brother. and that is the 1st time.
after analyzing, i concluded. the first reason: by asking for a "just passed" result is to show God my easy contentment when it comes to my brother issue. i seriously dun want to demand God of a lot of unrealistic blessings, cos God is never a Santa.
the second reason, i think that my broher's effort and ability doesnt deserve such great results and blessings...
third reason, i see no reason why God wants to bless my brother so much more, as i believe that to be able to "just passed" is already a GREAT BLESSINGS to both my brother and I.
indeed, God just answered me this time round. from this testimony, it really inspired and convicted me to want to be more daring even in my prayers: to dare to ask God for more blessings and never doubt God about his ability and faithfulness...because He is the God of the how much more! He has so much to give us...and sometimes, all its takes for the door of blessings to be opened is when we open our mouth and ask! "ask and it will be given to you, seek and you shall find, knock and the door wil be opened for you!"
but i need to explain more on this "being more daring to ask for more blessings..." statement....if not it can be rather stumbling! =).this doesnt mean that from now onwards i can just slack around and do nothing and then jus prayed for greater blessings in my life from God. (ie)to ask God for the stars and the moons etc etc... MAN! it doesnt work this way. it must be realistic in the first place and that man must also play his rightful part in order to deserve such blessings from Him. what i want to illustrate here is the meer fact that it is always 100% man and 100% God, and that we should never doubt God's level and ability of blesings for each of us.
the amount of blessings that we believe or always thought GOd has for us is just sooooooooooooo small compared to the actual amount that He has kept in heaven for us all these while..!
let's believe Him for a greater breakthrough!
--AbsoluteSApphire8--
11:40 AM
Death in Adam, Life in Christ.....:::::::......
Thursday, August 11, 2005//
i have to confess, i haven been consistently doing my QT recently...but today, i really had a good long time writing my e-diary to Him..below is an abstract from my letter to Him.. =)
Today, I was reading through Romans 5:12-21.
The title of the passage is Death in Adam, Life in Christ.
From this passage, there are like 8 times that the word “one man” is being iterated and emphasized. Because of Adam the one man who sinned, he brought sin into the world, brought and caused death in each person’s life. This showed me the great power, influence and impact that an individual who conformed to darkness and the world can have. It’s scary and dangerous. Many times we always have the mentality that “its ok lah, only me mah…I sin never mind la…doesn’t matter. It’s not a very big issue lah. Shouldn’t have any serious repercussions”…
But then, from genesis, we know that all Adam did was to eat an apple! It’s so trivial! Can you believe it? Eating an apple leading to DEATH to everyone???
But jus wanna say that…it is not the action of eating an apple that leads to sin and death. But it’s the disobedience of Adam and the misuse of trust that had caused God to anger and to punish Adam (hence Man).
But then from Romans verse 15 and 17, it says, “but the free gift is not like the offense. For if by the one man’s offense many died, much more the grace of God and the gift by the grace of the one Man, Jesus Christ, abounded to many.” and “for if by the one man’s offense death reigned through the one, much more those who receive abundance of Grace and of the gift of righteousness will reign in life through the One, Jesus Christ”
“Free gift is not like the offense”. This also emphasizes the clear line boundary between darkness and light. They are extremely different, no grey area and no need to debate about. Realize that the verse uses the word “not like” which also illustrates the extreme difference.
Free gift being Goodness and light.
Offense being the darkness.
What really strikes me in this verse is this equation….haha...so engineer right?
Grace – Sin = still abundance of blessings!
Even though Man sin again and again and again…but He also says that His Grace and the gift of Grace is MUCH MORE! That’s why many times there’s a need to come before Him and come before the cross to repent and ask for forgiveness. After which, we will experience His blessings even more!
God is ever so forgiving and merciful. He has so so so much blessings for us! He is just waiting patiently to bless us at the right time when we are MATURE even to handle and make full use of these blessings. Definitely to our own advantage.
Can you imagine Him flooding us with so much blessings that we simply dun know how to use or even misusing them and hence leading to our downfall?
God is good. Always. He is sovereign.
Another verse that speaks a lot to me is verse 19, “for as by one man’s disobedience many were made sinners, so also by one Man’s obedience many will be made righteous.”
Can you see how powerful “one man” can be?
At the point of time, Jesus has all along been a man, just like you and me now…the only difference is that He is a very blessed God-sent man with a divine assignment who can perform miracles etc etc on earth for the people.
But can you see that when He obeys God totally and submissively, the power released and activated is so enormous??? It surpasses ALL the sins and death and condemnation!
Some might argue that “aiya…He is God mah! God’s Son lei! Of cos powerful lah!!!”
But then when I was reading this passage, it seriously gives me a different perspective.
It is not because of Jesus’ different status at that time, but it just illustrated the Power of Goodness that you and me can release to overcome darkness, to overcome the world when we obey God. It’s as simple as that. Obedience.
But once again…it’s easier said than done.
But I strongly believe that as long as we WANT to be obedient even if we are not convicted totally…God sees it and He will definitely help us. He is not any Tom, Dick or Harry. He is our Friend. He calls us our Friend first even before we acknowledge Him. That is how great His love is for us…
--AbsoluteSApphire8--
11:20 AM
tHE raGger e4 GIRlsSSs bakiNg unDeR e hOT HoT HoT SUn!
Wednesday, August 10, 2005//
--AbsoluteSApphire8--
12:40 AM
Ms.Lonely needa retail therapy!
//
hmmm went to Plaza Singapura after SOL on sunday...
felt very sianz so decided to buy some stuff...so aimlessly, i headed to carrefour to buy one box of strawberries and also to m)phosis to buy a pair of slippers tat cost Sapphire $20!!! madness...sigh...bcos i am bored, thats how i spend $30 that 1 hr in PS! bleahhhh~~
that sunday morning i went to SOL..haha, trying to locate the guy whom i saw on rag day...but! he wasnt there..so i was thinking he wasnt from SOL1, maybe jus a make up class for the past few weeks.
haha, but that doesnt hinder or distact me at all! i continue to listen to Pastor Jeffrey's teaching =)
then when class was over, surprising i saw him with my friend! haha..i guess he was too lazy to wake up for the 9-11 class...so instead, he attended the 11-1 class
but wadever it is...doesnt affect me much! he's jus an eye candy to me...
today i went to AMK sportslink to make full use of the NDP 40% sales! Again...retail therapy cos i was too bored once again! sianzzz
so i bought myself a dark blue nike jacket that cost me $62...while my daddy..he bought himself an adidas sneaker that cost him $65! but seriously..i rather have the OLD model of cardigan that ZARA used to have last season..sigh...too bad! no more stock le la!
sianzzz! this is the 3rd night in hall. hmmmm..oki lah, not much feelings though, jus occupied with the upcoming work to do and schedules as well...but hack care...wat come may! i shall just take a step at a time each day for it is God who directs my step!
Lonely? hmmm...yes and no. i learnt a lot from last week SOL class which talks about marriage and relationship...perhaps thats why i have been thinking about some issue recently bah!
lonely doesnt mean desperate..haha..!!!
jus thinking about life generally...about the eternal and temporal issues of life.
the ppl who enters and leaves my life jus like that. its like shutter run. touch and go. in a split second, it belongs to the past. past tense. no longer present tense.
it takes 2 hands to make a clap. for things to work, both parties must make an effort.
thats why i always believe that if you are the only one who is consciously making the effort...then i think the best resolution will be to just let go...
its like a kite. the tighter the grip, the more you want to control and have it solely for youself, you will soon realise that everything will be hard to handle, messy and difficult to deal and cope.
perhaps it sounds too philosophical...but does it matter? NO...of cos not. Life still GOES on......haha...sounds like moulin rouge.... *the show MUST go on!*
--AbsoluteSApphire8--
12:31 AM
oNE nIgHT in...bEIJing? nope. iTs SInGapore,rooM e421.....
Saturday, August 06, 2005//
2nd night in temasek hall.
i jus love my room!cosy,clean and SOooooOOo neat!windy and nice scenary...
its realli nice to be back...esp in this corner of the wing..where deedee,ver and nia are with me! =)
they are realli the ones whom i can realli engage and tok to =)
its the chemistry i guess...but SIGH!haha...if only pinky and cindebelle is here with us too! but then itssss oki! =) distance doesnt realli matter lah..."there's a will, there's a way!" HHaAAhhhaAAA~~~
saw a few friends in th yesterday, and the feeling is good.saw sharon...and as usual, i think i realli miss her alot!miss toking to her, having fun...haha, listening to her complains..and even as a mentor to me!everytime when i needed advice...she is definitely there...haha...the cool cumumber and SUPER TAKE IT EASY Sister!reali hope to catch up with her more when sch starts ba!
i guess this semester is gonna be a semester which i jus wanan be "low profile" and "be myself more!"
lesser socialising..tired le bah...haha, after 3 years.
guess my objective for this last year, is realli to make realli reali good friends. continue to spend more time on friends whom i reali reali seriously cherish a lot.
i guess, my networking is enuff le..haha...sorry...if you find me very blatant here...but that's what i feel. not socialising doesnt mean being anti social. jus that i would rather devote more time with my beloved friends. =)
i only got so much time. cannot divide my time with sooo many people!
haha...my language of love is time and effort =)
thats why...spending time with the friends that i cherish is VERY significant to me!
came back to Th...and a lot of people keep asking why i lose weight?
i must admit...i WAS very affected. cos somehow they just freaked me out. didnt tell anyone how i feel except cinderbelle and deedee...cos PINKY YOU ARE NOT AROUND!!! haha...
somehow cinderbelle and deedee feels that its normal and healthy, but somehow the rest are freaking me out. but when i actually sit down and think about those ppl...i realise..haha..they are all super duper exaggating and hmmm...more "domineering in terms of their thinkings and beliefs" people...
thats why..they will say me say until like that...*shake head*
but then, i think this also convict me to want to see a doctor and have a full body check up and stuff?
cos i think life is very vunerable, so i think should still go and consult a doctor and make sure i am in good health.
i rather have a good health, then have a good shape. health is everything.most importantly...a cheerful heart is a good medicine!
i needa this cheerful heart...those who know me should know i quite pessimistic, get affected emotionally and super "gan cheong" freak also..
thats why, another objective of this year is also to have a cheerful heart.
i want to find joy in every thing, every situation in every day!
i dun want to see this lovely smilezz of Sapphire to disppear...friends! =)
do help me ya! you guys are the support...the vitAMiNsS that i needa in my life */-_-\*
--AbsoluteSApphire8--
9:40 AM
SomE of MY E4 temASeK haLl BaBeSSs
//
--AbsoluteSApphire8--
1:25 AM
mY DeAReST zhoNGhUa bBalL frienDS =)
Friday, August 05, 2005//
--AbsoluteSApphire8--
9:46 PM
"missing" feelings. ^..:back:..^
Wednesday, August 03, 2005//
i always tot perhaps i have already forgotten about some stuff that matters a lot to me in the past, until these few days, they kept creeping back into my mind here and there...
went back to hall last week to meet up with hall master(fyp prof)...and ya, hall is having orientation too!
so as usual, i went to take a look at what these guys are doing..haha..luckily they are learning mass dance so still quite interesting...then suddenly, i saw him...Mr.W....sigh!
then saw him dancing with Ms.J..haha..as mass dance couple la!
so out of curiously i asked priscilla and pam if they are still together and jus as expected, haha yes! they are still an item and according to them, they are a very touchy couple too!
didnt feel anything much except a little bitter? wonder why they are still together...but ohhh wellll...haha, cant be bothered cos he's realli not my type and not fated also la!
but then that day on the train, the past secondary and jc memories jus flood me back like no body's biz.
i seriously felt the pain and hurt and unforgiveness towards him.
jus very "buay song" why time after time he always choose someone who is so off! haha..yes, i am being baised. sigh! again!
but then wadever it is,thats the past, gotta learn to let go. to reali forgive him and forget about the past.
i guess the lingering feelings will always be there when i see him whether i acknowledge it or not, whether i choose to hide it and push it to the end of my mind. thats a choice. up to me.
sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
that day when i know that my dear frd cinderbelle actually got into TH, i was totally esctatic.
and yessss, once again, the past memories came flooding back. once again.
uncontrollable when i tot of her coming back, then i tot of bball...sigh. and the painful, disappointing and sad memories. definitety. bball in TH has never been a pleasant experience. but i thank God, cos everytime i always realise new about myself towards this sport. perhaps i shouldnt even call it a sport.
its a very personal memory and identifying icon to me....
sigh...i was reading through my church frd zhihong blog and was reading thr her latest entry, i cant help but feel sad. loss. back to reality. back to the point where i couldnt face myself. jus ashamed. totally. once again. between me and bball again.hate to face it again. too painful! to even let go? i dun know.
quoted from her blog
*****************************************************************************************************************
i have alot of thoughts about the game of basketball. after playing today i'm more psyched up than ever to play for uni. i miss the trainings and the teammates, but most of all that adrenaline rush, the very glowing feeling of being alive as you run, jump, race, score. sigh. it's all coming back to me.
there are many things to lament about in basketball. i regret not training hard enough, giving up too easily, but i just couldn't fathom why people could play the game with such die-hard devotion. it was mainly the people that put me off, not because i hated them, but more because i knew i couldn't be as good as them because i did not eat, drink, sleep, breathe basketball. i had other things on my mind, and i always felt guilty about not giving hundred percent when everyone else was putting in like two hundred percent.
anyway, i'm starting to see that i'm not that lousy as i always thought i was, simply because i had always been in stellar teams, outshone by stars, and i'm always relegated to the supportive reserve. i want to do something about it, i want to shine, but all i've done is to share in the common glory, which i still believe is the true spirit of basketball - the team.still, i want to do something about it. i want to play well.
*****************************************************************************************************************
what the blog says totally depicts what i am feeling deep down inside.
hall games. IHG. i was thinking of not joining any games at all this season, to leave a year of JOY at least for myself..or rather, maybe jus join a few sports for fun. but this time round, i shall make an exception to exclude bball?
dun know. no ans for that yet. maybe God will reveal to me. let's see.
--AbsoluteSApphire8--
12:54 AM
overwhelming blessings!!
Tuesday, August 02, 2005//
blessings! the theme for today man! haha...
my brother had his first ppr for his exam today!
was praying hard for him for the entire morning, cos i realli hope that he will be able to pass all his paper to be a form of encouragement to him..so that he will not quit sch. i was very worried i must admit but yet i could feel the peace from within that no matter what happen...like what qiaoyun said,"as much as you love your brother, God loves him much much more."
indeed...everytime when i reflect back on this statement, i cannot but thank God and trust Him.
surprisingly, when mybrother is back and when i asked him how's his ppr...his answer was pretty promising and optimistic! THANK GOD! at least i should think that he will be able to pass this ppr...passing is all that i hope and yearn for him. serious. more than contented already.
next, i was praying for my father as well! cos he actually forgot to buy his this month car park coupon...and he told me that most probably he cant get it at the post office le..which means...HE GOTTA TEAR THE GENERIC KIND OF CAR COUPON WHICH WILL COST HIM A BOMBBBBBBBB LA!!!
so as usual, i prayed to Him! prayed that my daddy will be able to get the August multi storey carpark coupon!
THANK GOD ONCE AGAIN! he got it!! haha... =)
next...the 3rd most amazing blessing is that my dearest sister cinderbelle!
haha...she got into TEMASEK HALL! praise God man!
its not easy la...esp when she is in the waiting list..ans its been 2 years le since she last stayed!
damn cool lah!
then all of us will be back together again! go for breakfast...go for dinner...go for lunch..go for night run...tok to each other in block e....toking craps....studying together!!! haha...
fun!!!
*pinky, if you want bf, i can pack for you everyday also de! =) ai xin zao can!!*
haha...then Sapphire, Cinderbelle, pinky and nia can come together and 38 le!! haha..jus like our secret recipe outing during CNY! =)
studying and disrturbing each other together! =) motivating each other!
so damn cool...the NYJC clique!
arent you people excited!?!!?!?
haha...alright...too late le, having bad headache and still blogging..tomroz got driving somemore and then meeting prof then tuition!
busy day la!!!
--AbsoluteSApphire8--
1:11 PM
God got me a new friend!
Monday, August 01, 2005//
slept like 9pm yesterday cos was too shagged de!
BUT yesterday was a super cool day!
i was so sianz reading through the tooopid amorphous silicon readings which i seriously dun understand at all man!
so i decided to have a walk alone...went to sengkang compass point to help my brother top up his fare card and also to take a break! the air is ALWAYS fresher out there then at home....*wink wink*
sooo, i board onto the bus 156...shortly after that, this guy behind me ask me if this bus goes alll the way into the Sengkang bus interchange, so as usual..being the nice, polite and helpful sapphire...haha..i OF COS answered him back!
after topping up my brother fare card, decided to go check out the prices for handphone cos i wil be buying my brother one hp for his birthday..but guess will be getting either k750i or samsung e730c for him bah! but its damn expensive worz... *his sister doesnt even have such a good phone lor...ROARRRR!*
haha, then unexpectedly...my legs jus brought me to the LIFE bookshop..haha, guess the nice and soothing music brought me there unexpectedly. i guess God jus wanted me to be there...to take a break from the outside world...
i was looking through some nice gifts and books..and when i turned my head i was like *FWAH! bu shi zhe mo qiao bahhhh*
haha..the guy who asked me for direction was in the book shop too!
so i nodded and smiled at him, and he did the same thing back! =)
seeeee...i am such a nice girl right! *u who are reading this, dun shake your head! haha..*
then after a while, he came over and talked to me...we introduced our names and err...TALKED pretty a lot!
its super duper coincident lah...
he is called RAIF (pronounced as "rough"), a malay..but he looks like a chinese cos his mum is a chinese...went overseas AUS to study biz marketing...jus came back for NS and is completing his NS soon le..but most pro will be gog back to do his master as well..
he is 25 years old this year..and he stayed like a few blocks away from me!!! cool rightt..haha...
we also share about the christian books that we like to read and his fav book is actually "conversation with God"...
so finally i asked him,"so are you a christian?"
haha..and he say "nope. i am a free thinker, but i am exposed to christianity, enjoyed the books, even explored alot about this spiritual faith.."
haha...i tot thats very very cool..though he is NOT YET a believer, but i jus wanan believe tat one day he will be saved! * all God's ppl say "AMEN!!!!"*
i gave him my msn but didnt give him my hp number..haha...better be safe! =)
but he's a nice guy la...he's jus being frdly esp cos he's been studying in AUS and is pretty open-minded and sociable (in a good way laaaa)
on my way back...i was jus thinking, since he is still in singapore, perhaps i can even invite him to FCBC on of these days, or perhaps even the "spook's show" ?
i dun know...jus wanan see where God leads me =)
but it would be beautiful if i can actually reach out to him, cos the whole thing is just so amazing coincidental!
but wadever it is...whoever is reading this...dun think too much!
i am jus being nice and have no special intention or motive at all!
jus wanan make a new friend and perhaps a Brother-in-Christ too!
cos he told me that there's some unsettled stuff in his life...n thats one of the reasons that's stopping him from even taking a step of faith..
but wadever it is, GOD IS GOOD!
i just wanan believe i Him!
because at the end of the day, it is He who directs our step. my step.
--AbsoluteSApphire8--
3:02 PM
