start afresh, know God as the God He is. not the God whom we think He is...

beyond beyond!
Friday, September 26, 2008//

--AbsoluteSApphire8--
6:38 AM

Sometimes, i can also confuse.
Y izzit that when i love, i yet find ways to run away.
Y izzit that when i care, i yet find ways to ignore & pretend tt i dont give a damn.
Y izzit that when i wish i am go close, i yet try to hide away...

Listen to your heart........
Izzit because of this fear to "fall" deeper in love?
Izzit because of this fear to get hurt....& to be made vulnerable?
Izzit because of this fear to give you my all, only to realise that i am going to lose all?

Why does this heart always fall for the wrong side of the road?
Does this heart always get captivated in the most unaccepted away?

And, indeed, this is the phase when the big word LOVE appears vague & scary in my life.

I am afraid, and very afraid.
afraid that one day, i will surrender to my heart.
And to fall.

I am afraid, and very afraid.
afraid that one day, i will hear the word "Goodbye".

And so the

--AbsoluteSApphire8--
6:21 AM

Thursday, September 25, 2008//

Am i a social butterfly? I dont think so.
I guess it is not the "I" in me that is at work, but the "S" in me that is socialising.

Bcos i need to make sure that the ppl ard me are feeling comfortable & they are enjoying themself.

My role as a clown starts and slowly fades into being a backdrop - which i often delights in.

And so, i had a little drink with Marcelly & Isabelle at Attica yday, during some marketing and advertising function.
FINALLY....i had my vodka + lime & me Whiskey + coke!
Been so long since i last craved for!

Perhaps, i should complement it with my margarita hur hur! :)
tt will be perfect!

Yday, i went to Turf Club totaliser board for a present & manage to help my client in securing the atlanta georgia 2-4yrs deal from Walton international Grp(S) Pte Ltd.

It is spectacular project, with the govt intervention & collaboration with Walton International Group(S) Pte lTd.
So that we can help them to grow their city "Arcade" -- tts why we name the project as "arcade meadows".

This is something like the martindale project! We had in Austin, that the municipal govt also approach walton to buy over the land to help them to grow the city, and do city annexation!

This is also something like our sawtooth project! We had in phx arizona, same collaboration :)

Oh ya...forgot to mentioned, McCann is the current mulit-billion advertising agency for walton international Group(S) Pte lTd!

http://www.mccann.com/

Big reputable company that only assist big MNCs like walton, coke, credit sussie, HP, General motors etc etc for branding.
Product Branding & Company Branding.

oh ya..no more discussion about my excitement in work!

BACK TO THE TURB CLUB :)

and so....i have always and always been into the corporate box only!!!
never did i went into the office of the chairman & directors :)
mindblowing.

its is BEAUUUTIIIFOOOOO.

and i love the horses, the way they race, the nice and clean fur they have, the built & the strong legs that propel them in the midst of the air resistance.

Lovely encounter with my client :)
great guy who had shared & taught me a lot!

Indeed, i wanna thank God for his miraculous week this week! :)
I seriously didnt expect such outcome to be frank.

And i still choose & want to believe that the Lord will mulitply my 5lovaes & 2fishes.

in the name of Jesus, i pray. AMEN.

--AbsoluteSApphire8--
5:30 PM

I need M I R A C L Essss Lord.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008//

Guard my heart & Guard my mind.

Lord, help me to focus in You. And let me see Miracles!

Let me be secured in You, in Your Love, in my self-significance, in my self-worth, in knowing my position in You.

Emotions and Sentiments are often a temptation, but let me not fall.

--AbsoluteSApphire8--
5:24 PM

Tuesday, September 23, 2008//

I am so jealous that I am dying :(

Lord, I hate myself.

--AbsoluteSApphire8--
5:17 AM

Saturday, September 20, 2008//

yday was a good day!

Had a lovely seafood dinner at Tiong Bahru with Suchern, Phoebe & Adeline!

Yday was quite a good day packed with slow activities.

1030am, at Wheelock for an appt.

then had my personal time for 2hrs, BATHE & smell good! :)

And ya...i met Angel & Elsa at the toilet...haha...when i was about to do my steam bath.

had a good chat with them & i think i miss them....awwww...

Then went home, rested, ate my lovely strawberries, surf some net & listen to my Lovely Ma-M-Mia soundtrack!

And also waited for Adeline to come over to my house to charge her hp...haha.

Oh man...maybe i am reali a very lousy person to give direction....esp to driver :(

Big BOO BOO.

And so she was here to enjoy the aircon, laze on my clean bed, ate some strawberries, listen together to my favvvvv songs and briefly look through some of my old kiddy days photos.

And it was funny. When i have never actually took notice of her back in the past, and even if i know her, i cant reali be bothered at all to make friends. And dont know when, we started talking and become closer. Relationships happen in a wierd way, arent they.

And i am glad for the relationship that I had with suchern. Someone who can understand, who can associate my personality & expectations with.

It's good to have friends around. But somehow, i felt its more imptly to have a few good frds who can walk the journey together with you. Someone who encourages, someone who shares & listens. Someone whom you can sit on the same swing, do not talk & yet feel very comfortable.

And it brought me back to the friends I have....the friends whom i missed.

And suddenly, i realised, this is the period, when i feel the need to be loved, and the need to love.

It's weird.

And yday, i was re-watching some of Nick's Video on Youtube...

And i could feel the emotions coming again.

The confidence, the hope, the faith, the broken-ness that was once with me.

Somehow along this journey, i have lost such little characterisitics.

And i am afraid, very afraid. That one day, this sapphire will lost herself in the midst of everything.

But yet, each day, i struggle to go back to my old self.

To find back that confidence & that zeal that was once with me!

Why do i feel so empty?

Why do i feel that i need someone to fill up this void in me?

And God should have filled it up. Or could it be cos i hadnt reali spent time with Him?

Human flesh,it is weak.

"Somewhere deep inside, i think i still miss you" - This was the lyrics in the song "winner takes it all".

I hate to visit the inner deep side of myself.
And I reali reali just feel like going on a LONGGG holiday and put everything behind.

But i cant, cos its just another escapism.

Watever, I have msn-ed adeline yday, actually spoke very strongly to myself.

I am too, like that many times.

It's always the constant struggle betw the heart and the mind, that i CANT reconcille.

And i find it tiring to say it out to anyone. And i kept it inside me. Like some dust, constantly beingn swept under the carpet.

Until 1 day, when its so thick, it gotta re-surface.

And last night, i told God, today - this sunday, 21st Sept, WILL BE MY LAST DOWN DAY.

Sapphire needs to pick herself up again!!!!!

Lord, give me strength to continue.

Lord, give me hope to endure.

Lord, give me Love to find back my security.

Lord, multiple my 5loaves & 2fishes, to see the miracles that was beyond what i could percieve.

Lord, you know the deep down desires of my heart. The broken-ness in me, i seek your Grace & Mercy.

Manytimes, when i was faithless, Lord, you remain faithful.

You remain faithful, bcos You love me, for who i am.

I do not need to prove to the world. I do not need to gain approval. I am simply be the me, that I was made to be and proud to be.

And the sensitivity spirit within me you have blessed me with, will do great things for you.

And the maturity thinking within me you have blessed me with, will walk close with you.

Let my spiritual man rise up. The last week of sept, will be an eye-opener for You Jesus.

With many will see miracles through my testimonies!

--AbsoluteSApphire8--
5:54 PM

Thursday, September 18, 2008//

I don’t wanna talk

About the things we’ve gone through

Though it’s hurting me

Now it’s history

I’ve played all my cards

And that’s what you’ve done too

Nothing more to say

No more ace to play

The winner takes it all

The loser standing small

Beside the victory

That’s her destiny

I was in your arms

Thinking I belonged there

I figured it made sense

Building me a fence

Building me a home

Thinking I’d be strong there

But I was a fool

Playing by the rules

The gods may throw a dice

Their minds as cold as ice

And someone way down here

Loses someone dear

The winner takes it all

The loser has to fall

It’s simple and it’s plain

Why should I complain.

But tell me does she kiss

Like I used to kiss you?

Does it feel the same

When she calls your name?

Somewhere deep inside

You must know I miss you

But what can I say

Rules must be obeyed

The judges will decide

The likes of me abide

Spectators of the showAlways staying low

The game is on again

A lover or a friend

A big thing or a small

The winner takes it all

I don’t wanna talk

If it makes you feel sad

And I understand

You’ve come to shake my hand

I apologizeIf it makes you feel bad

Seeing me so tense

No self-confidence

But you see

The winner takes it allT

he winner takes it all......

--AbsoluteSApphire8--
6:26 AM

Friday, September 12, 2008//

How can i......?

--AbsoluteSApphire8--
10:32 PM

The trouble with Love is.
When you start to fantasize, and by doing so, gives yourself false hope.
The trouble with Love is.
When you start to dwell in the good feeling of being loved & being missed.
The trouble with Love is.
When you start with a curious heart and mind to want to understand what the other party is feeling and thinking.
The trouble with Love is.
Ourselves. For we give ourselves leeway, and a trap to be encapsulated with false hopes.

Love is something that is magical in everyones' life.
Different type of relationships, different type of season in life.

And everyone needs to be loved. Needs to love. That's a fact. An inner desire.

It is like a double edged sword. You use it wisely. Or you will Fall...

--AbsoluteSApphire8--
12:20 AM

Thursday, September 11, 2008//

Jo.Yap bought me a nice err...dress yday? haha...is a casual type of dress.
VERY PRETTTYYYY, i reali reali reali like it a lot :)

very my style...haahaa!

Btw, i think i am back to my momentum.....! hopefully!

And i reali reali wanan thank God for the few colleagues that i have.
To walking the journey with me, for being there, for sharing, for inspiring, for everything.

And i thank God for my determination also in pursuing my health.

Sometimes, i felt that I could be too impatient.
Way too patient, i realised that when i met benny and suan yday during contract signing at Paragon. I realise that i also want tobe very successful at such a young age. Though possible, but i need to be realistic & i need to give myself time too.

And so , i guess, i need to be patient.
Just like when i drive, seriously no patient. BUT, of cos compared to others, its MUCH better liaos.

On a side way, i was listening to this song "How am i Supposed to live without you..." from Class 95FM.
ITS SO NICEEEEE....such an EMO song. Big BOO BOO! :(

Alrights, today is FRIDAY!

Lord, give me a good day! a good weekend! a good week ahead! JIA YOU JIA YOU JIA YOU!

--AbsoluteSApphire8--
4:42 PM

Wednesday, September 10, 2008//

It's been a pleasant day of surprises & of love!
A long break of lunch at Thomson, Ice Cream & Coffee break at Shenton by a mysterious nice person! :)
Beautiifooo roses (though not Blue in colour...haha..) by another special someone.
Nice chocolates by my 2babes. SINS.
And a lovely bday small polar cake & a little bday song by a few of my colleagues :)

Wendy came to my house for dinner MeeSuan.
Went to HK cafe to meet up with Candice, Miao & wendy for a while for supper.

And i thank God for this lovely day & the unexpected Love which i felt i didnt deserve.
And i hope i can pick myself up again. And continue in this race... :(

--AbsoluteSApphire8--
9:04 AM

Hapi Birthday to Me.
Tuesday, September 09, 2008//

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

What a statement....

sometimes, we expect things to come all in the way we want.

And we somehow assume that we ought to have, we should have, we must have...

It's like a self-deserving thing that human nature demand.

And until when i saw this statement, i tot its quite interesting.

Somehow, life Should never be a bed of red roses...why should it be?

If everything is happening to our twinkle, our click of fingers, our inner desires...

then prob this mankind will only lead to disasters in this world.

In the midst of racing, some brakes are needed.

To restore the vehicle, To allow the challenger to think & reflect upon, To allow a break so to take a pant, To eat some food, To drink some water.

And so lord, Let this 2008 birthday be a special one.

Let me ponder upon your Love & Promises that you had for me.

Let me just put all the work behind my shoulders and just enjoy doing what i enjoy today.

And the performances, the expectations, the anxieties, the rejections, I surrender all to Thee.

And I thank you for my dearest colleagues who have been a source of encouragement, of love, of Joy and of Support.

Its interesting how the word Interdependency and Intimacy have been twinged together in both church and my marketplace.

Lord, grant me my wish.

--AbsoluteSApphire8--
11:14 AM

Monday, September 08, 2008//

I am sorry that even though i cared, my actions doesnt seem to be so.
I cant help it but to ignore everytime when i cared.

I am repentful & I am sorry.
I will change.

I want my actions to be true to my heart.
When I care, I truly care.
And I will be proactive.

Not to feel shy, not to feel rejected, not to feel fear of being vulnerable.

And i am down, very depressed, very sianz, very discouraged lately, with too many things.
And i am glad that today brought a few lovely angels to my life...to make my day a better one..

And Lord, do you truly know the desires of my heart?
Will you surely bless me with my desires?

Lord. I am at the cross roads. Not sure how to go ahead from here...

--AbsoluteSApphire8--
9:53 AM

Let not past Success exclude you from God.
Saturday, September 06, 2008//

The Dangers Of Success

READ: Deuteronomy 8:6-18

Beware that you do not forget the Lord your God by not keeping His commandments, His judgments, and His statutes. —Deuteronomy 8:11

Alexandr Solzhenitsyn said that he learned to pray in a Siberian concentration camp because he had no other hope. Before his arrest, when things were going well, he seldom gave God a thought.

Similarly, the Israelites learned the habit of depending on God in the Sinai wilderness where they had no choice; they needed His daily intervention just to eat and drink. But when they finally stood on the banks of the Jordan River, they awaited a more difficult test of faith. After they entered the land of plenty, would they soon forget God?

The Israelites knew little about the seductions of other cultures, having spent their lives in the desert. Moses was more afraid of the coming prosperity than the rigors of the desert—the alluring sensuality, the exotic religions, the glittering wealth. The Israelites might put God behind them and credit themselves for their success (Deut. 8:11,17).

Ironically, success makes it harder to depend on the Lord. The Israelites did prove less faithful after they moved into the Promised Land. Again and again they turned their hearts to other gods.

Beware of the temptation that success brings. There is grave danger in getting what we want. — Philip Yancey

I blindly ask for what I crave,
With haughty heart and will so stout;
He oft denies me what I seek,
But gives me grace to do without. —Anon.

There is no failure more disastrous than the success that leaves God out.

--AbsoluteSApphire8--
7:02 PM

Thursday, September 04, 2008//

I am in a bad mood. So i went to cut my hair & dye my hair with LYnn.
Cos i met her as she was going home from office, so decided that both of us shall go and do our hair.

Sigh, impatient I am, in my job.
Sigh, impatient she is, in her hair cutting & dye-ing.

Lord, must there surely be a thunderstorm before the rainbow can be seen?
Lord, must there surely be night, before the day can be seen?

On a side track, i am so tired.
And my "system" is working so slow that i am pissed off.
Cant you increase the Mrate?!?!!?

I am irritated. Cos nothing seems to be right.
And I am not feeling good. Simply.

And how so, Lord?

AbsoluteSapphire extracted from the Absolute Vodka & Sapphire Bombay.
With the pearl white peach & the blue sapphire crystal.
A little to make you chill, a bit to tipsyness and slightly above threshold to make you lose your conscious state.
The smoothness of which, is what is defined as good.
The coolness of which, is what makes it digestible.
The lime in it, to make it slightly sour to stir the appetide.

And Lord. May i ask. How, When, Where, Who, What?!?!?!!
And Lord, May you find favour in me & give me what my heart truly desire?
For this little servant here is tired. very.

For you are my deliverer, my fortress & my tower of strength.
Where i hide under your wings, as you manevourve the way in the air.

May The GOd of Love and Grace fall upon me.

--AbsoluteSApphire8--
6:16 AM

Wednesday, September 03, 2008//

Sapphire is so tired.

--AbsoluteSApphire8--
8:26 AM

Tuesday, September 02, 2008//

And so i was bombarded by tremendous news lately.
Firstly, I realised 1 big problem about myself.
I am so so affected, so so guilty.

That i am so so so determined to change totally.
I was inspired and driven by what one of my colleague did.

Next, I was stumbled by something that I have found out lately.

O Lord O Lord O Lord.
Why is it that i was so in fire to go forward, i was put to a BIG HURL right now.
Unsettled and unsure of to go forward or to take a slower pace.

Lord, All i have in heart is pure & upright.
But only to realise that....perhaps, I have failed myself.

I am very humbled, very affected, very sad.
Very disappointed with myself utterly.

I thanked you for the colleagues whom you have blessed me with, the teachings, the sharing, the transparency, the discussion, the encouragement etc etc.

Truly good frds are hard to come by.
And they are worth the time investment to build on solid relationships.

And my mood has been going down swing lately.
And I needed a good haircut & a good hair dye this thurs.
And oh ya, also a good laptop fixing...

And so Lord, i need to sleep now..
to sleep all my troubles and bothered up thoughts now...

--AbsoluteSApphire8--
10:03 AM

Monday, September 01, 2008//

Sigh. Why do i have such feelings again....?

Why do you appear again when I wish I can give up the entire world.

Withdrawal Sympton. I am dying.
Pretending that I dont care. Pretending that you dont mean a thing. Pretending that i cant be bothered.
I wish you can be more proactive & yet i wish you did not too.

So that I can finish this Race strong & be a good servant.

Why do you appear again? Alrights, my world is disturbed again. again. again. again.

--AbsoluteSApphire8--
7:03 AM