Wednesday, June 28, 2006//
in a blink of eyes, sapphire has worked for exactly a week liaos :)
thank God.
there are 7 modules in STmicroelectronics, and i already found 1 diffusion engineer (female) from fcbc. 1 etching engineer (male) from fcbc. and me, will be the CVD engineer from fcbc. :)
reali very very very happy man, when i heard that both of them actually brought some PRC operators and supervisors to Christ too.
hope to knoe them more in the future too.
my department ppl are getting more and more fun. and GOOD!
haha...maybe cos they more warmed-up with me liaos.
at least we got tok cock sing song a bit liaos.
man...there are so manyyy things to remember for my work.
terms, processes, machines, process recipes, workstream and ETC ETC ETC.
arghhhhh.
but i am glad and i thank God, cos He has helped me a lot in my understanding and memorising and remembering of the information that are taught to me.
frankly...haha, i am reali very excited and interested about the things that i am doing.
looking at the machines....i never knew, can actually excites me so much!
haha...i guess, many will be bored to death.
but i reali think its very interesting, how each unique machines work.
and the reasons behind everyyyythinggg that is created or used or built.
i guess, sapphire just simply feels good when logic, rationale and "reason for everyting" come in!!!
my boss seems to have reali high expectations on me, seems to realli "see me very up"...excited, feel honoured, but yet at the same time.
its scary.
you see, when external puts more expectations on you, you tend to put more stress on yourself.
bcos you dun want to prove them wrong. you want to be as capable as who they think you are.
and once again, it brought me back to last sun sermon.
i do not want to please man. i do not want to gain approval from man.
i do not want to find my worth and identity from man.
all i want, is reali to put in my best, to strive for excellence for God.
even if outcomes are realllyyyyy bad, i will still feel the Peace from within knowing that i am done my best and God is pleased with me.
even if allll the ppl around do not give me praise, give me achknowledgement, feel that i am good or wad-ever, i do not want my worth, identity, self-significance to be tarnished to the rock bottom.
God! be my strength, be the reason that i live, be the reason behind everything that i do.
indeed, Your words to me are far more important and precious than those necessary food.
indeed, You know me most well.
You know what i need, i want, i desire.
You know my limits. You know. You know. everything.
--AbsoluteSApphire8--
8:22 PM
life is all about making choices. or making the RIGHT choices?
Sunday, June 25, 2006//
yday, one of my Service Learning rang me up to ask if she can come my hse to borrow my pc..haha, cos hers at home is still under repair.
of cos i said,"SURE!".
let's called her RY.
hmmm, during the whole SL course, definitely i am much closer to her and many times, we worked closely together too.
after the project ended, we did stay a little contact, and she wanted me to teach her how to play tennis, pool...haha, but of cos, i told her, teaching her pool is okie! but tennis...errr..let me learn first too man!
she asked me to go K-Box too, BUT...nah..i am not tang huiyi! i DUN sing :) haha!
sadlyyyy, yday, BW and W asked me out to meet them at orchard for dinner and outing!
buttttt, cos i know i should be there to help RY, so i decided to reject BW & W offer! BOOHOOOOOOO~~
so RY came from 3pm-10pm.
haha. that's long!
i taught her physics, help her with her powerpoint slides, teach her how to do a good powerpoint slides, tell her a few good tips about presenting to class and also help her to solve 1 coordinates A math questions :)
haha, thank God! what i have learnt in MAvis is not wasted yet!
my A math still not bad worzzz!! :)
we chatted about a lot of things under the sun.
i manage to ask her about her perception about lesbianism, relationships etc etc.
luckily, she doesnt believes in lesbianism.
as usual, a sec 3 girl is definitely undergoing some BGR problems. haha.
manage to know about some of her family background, mostly about her little brother at home and their worries for him.
and finally, at 6pm, i managed to pluck out my courage to invite her to church.
but she didnt say much. haha, but i knoe she doesnt feel like gog though.
and after 4 hrs of persuading here and there!
at 1030pm, she replied me to say "OKIE!"
haha, thank God man!
i ask francis, W, stella, xiao yy, meiqin too.
but francis couldnt make it cos unexpectedly, he has a wake today. but i am glad, cos he actually postponed his tuition to pei me to church today, but unfortunately, his mum's boss died in a car accident, so he gotta go to the wake as he's quite close to the boss.
but he did say he will visit prob next week or so.
stella couldnt make it cos she got something on. but she did promised me before sch holidays that she will follow me to church to see see look look.and i think, she wont break her promise! so still waiting for that day :)
as for my dearie xiao yy, as she got something on, so she can onli make it next week or so.
as for meiqin..haha, this is quite unexpected.
she is from ME and i am just okie terms with her.
but got chat with her onli on MSN here and there.
and suddenly, i jus ask her if she wanan go church etc etc. and i managed to persuade her to go and take a look and indeed, she said, "okie lor"
haha. she wanted to come today, but cos she already booked her driving tics, so she cant go.
but she did promise to follow me to go see see next sat or next next sat!
thank God!!
as for my dearest W!!
i think he's still not prepared bah.
but i will just continue to pray for him.
to hope to help him to overcome this obstacle in his life right now.
and hope that he will have a open mind, and God will create a miracle when he tells me tat he wants to go church and see see :)
all for all!
i guess, there's a perfect timing for everything.
when it's time for things to happen, it WILL happen, no matter what.
his Perfect Timing is something that i hate and yet love.
haha...SIGHHH.
like a coin, it has 2 sides.
--AbsoluteSApphire8--
10:07 AM
morale of song - be nice to ppl. be real to ppl. cherish. appreciate.
Saturday, June 24, 2006//
Ronin
One More Moment
Don't take too long to say
"I love you" to the ones you love,
cause time has a habit of slipping away
Out on a clear blue sky,
when lighting strikes on a sunny day,
just take me in and keep me from the rain,
And the words that seem so hard to say,
come out when you've gone away,
stay a little while and hear me say,
That I want you here tonight,
and I need you by my side,
for just one more moment,
for just one more moment,
with you
Turn around to say goodbye,
with each and every word that passes by,
like a distant memory,
and time keeps slipping away,
and time will turn to grey,
and time will be the one who holds you down,
And the words that seem so hard to say,
come out when you've gone away,
stay a little while and hear me say,
That I want you here tonight,
and I need you by my side,
for just one more moment,
for just one more moment,
And I want you by my side,
and I need you here tonight,
for just one more moment,
for just one more moment,
with you
Sometimes time will treat you bad,
Before you even know what's wrong,
and in the end it hits you hard,
please tell me you'll be strong
--AbsoluteSApphire8--
10:22 AM
1st dinner in 10 years.
//
yday, i met W for dinner @ suntec.
it was a good catching up, a good meeting, a good outing.
it has been a good 10 years since i know him, but was never really close to him.
never really went out alone with him before cos i was afraid of in the past. haha.HUM-JI.
but knowing he jus broke up and feeling really down from BW.
i decided to ask him out for dinner.
i kindda "preached" to him a little thr msn and sms...trying to let him know that God is love and no matter what happens in life,it's always bcos of a good reason.
but, though he says it was kindda enlightening to you, made him feel a little better etc, but i know, he's still struggling.
if i can take 2-3 years to forget this crush. haha. i believe,this relationship will hurt him more.
but sorry..i still cant understanding what he's gog thr.
i did invite him to church, but he said,"pls dun try to convert me now..."
HAHA. but i didnt la.
not sure if he will go tml, but we shall see :)
been asking him to go church for the past 1 yr liaos. but DA-BAI kana rejcted.
but it's fine :)
as i said...i was very very encouraged, when he was able to tell me the first line in the bible back in my hostel room 2 years back.
i mean i dun even know at tat point of time...
i guess all he needs now is TIME to heal. and probably God to heal the wound.
he's a nice guy. a reali reali reali nice guy.
actually, to be frank.
i seriously do not know my feeling when i was meeting him.
i know my uptmost reason to meet him for dinner if to encourage him, to cheer him up, to share about each other's life, and definitely to keep this good frd of mine in touch.
but do i still miss him? still subtlely having a lingering feeling for him?
i do not know.
but i know everytime when i see him, i will feel "wasted".
sighhh.haha.
what it means? what it shows? I DUN KNOW.
but, i dun want to think too much too.
but, reali, i am keeping this dear frd of mine in my prayers.
reali hope he will haf a breakthr soon. to have his pain healed. to see the Light.
--AbsoluteSApphire8--
9:48 AM
Don Moen - Jesus You are My Healer
Thursday, June 22, 2006//
Jesus Son of God
only You can save me
suffering on the cross
You gave Your all
willingly paid the cost for me
now i am free to worship
Jesus You are my Healer
O Jesus touch me and i will be free
Lord by Your stripes i am healed
i am healed
O Jesus my Saviour
O Jesus You are my strength and my shield
i put my trust in Your name
Jesus
Lord Your name is great
A refuge i can run to
a shelter from the storm
a faithful friend
and i can depend on You
my God my King
i lift my voice and worship
O Jesus
Jesus....
--AbsoluteSApphire8--
10:34 PM
Wednesday, June 21, 2006//
the YO-LOggersssss :)
yesh la! tang huiyi!! we surviveddddd :P
this is hell....bwahaha...
--AbsoluteSApphire8--
9:21 PM
Don Moen - Throne of Praise....
Tuesday, June 20, 2006//
Jesus we lift You on our praises
so every eye can see Your face
Your power and Grace
behold You as You really are
brighter than all the stars of Heaven
our worship is for You alone
we build You this throne of praise
as long as i have breath
i'll find a way to say
that i love You
everything may change
and the world may pass away
i'll still love You
with every song we sing
every prayer we pray
we'll build You a throne
made from the sound of praise
You O Lord deserve
the praise of all the earth
and we worship You
a sacrifice You died
now great and glorified
and we worship You
--AbsoluteSApphire8--
3:25 PM
Monday, June 19, 2006//
--AbsoluteSApphire8--
10:03 PM
//
you look beautiful in the inside, therefore, you look beautiful on the outside.
and not, you look beautiful in the inside, bcos, you look beautiful on the outside.
ONE word,and it makes a whole hell of difference. alright. CHANGE!
a whole lot of difference.
i guess, this reali struck me.
one word, all it takes is one simple word. and it can totally affect ur perception & behaviour.
i guess God really reminds me, how impt it is to know thr truth. cos ONLY the truth can set you free.
***********************************************
nobody even God can force His way through, if you dun allow Him to do so.
chances are. It can only happen, if you allow it to happen, if you want it to happen.
i guess i'm still not very prepared & ready to reali deal with it. I guess.
the 12 characters that a Godly woman should have:
(a)delivers & speaks sound doctrines
(b)reverent in the way they live
(c)not to be slanderous
(d)not to be addicted to much wine (or rather addiction to anything)
(e)teach what is good
(f)love their husband
(g)love their children
(h)self control over speech & emotions
(i)pure
(j)busy at home (caring & managing & building the home to be specific)
(k)kindness in actions & speech
(l)submit to their husbands
i think i seriously need to work on (h).
haha. i guess you think so too ya?
totally no control over my emotions.
HY, QY and KELLY should be able to identify with that.
during the camp, God also gently reminded me of something.
that is i am still afraid to face disappointment.rather than rejections.
disappointment is something that i still cannot really deal with.
prehaps cos my "zhi zun xin tai qiang", cos "wo tai hao sheng", cos i jus cannot stand losing & being 2nd.
jus cannot stand not being or rather realising my incapability to get something.
still remember in the past, when i want something, i really mean i WANT something.
nothing else.
tat's why i always say i very "si xin yan".
maybe that's why i hardly fall in love.
haha, for those whom i reali reali love. i took years to forget.
haha. FAN JIAN de sapphire~~~
many times, i do things out without expectations.i thought.
actually, i reali do things out willingly. bcos service, time & effort is realimy language of love.
yet, being the very selfish sapphire (was jus telling hy abt this), i guess, subtlely, i still unconsciously pin for some expectations & reciprocation.
am i wrong? i guess it's only human nature.
but still, i guess having a freedom in this will be good. bwahah.
approval. still always seeking approval from people rather than God.
fear of the God? frankly, i dun think i have much. i guess, i am doing things, bcos i know that are things that are right & beneficial. doing out of rationale, doing out of the best option, doing out bcos it involves the least risk.
you may look like you dun care on the outside, but only God knows what's in the inside.
when you get busy with the world, on the outside, & returned back to a quiet & alone night, you know who you truly are.you know where you belong.
from this camp, i reali think Mabel is reali a very very beautiful woman. just simply the way she is.
that's my story. the SApphire story.
--AbsoluteSApphire8--
9:09 PM
//
--AbsoluteSApphire8--
7:03 AM
Sunday, June 18, 2006//
FINALLY!
the youth net camp has ended!!!
haaha..logistics is NO joke mannn...
Shagged! Tired!
but, njoyed the camp alot, esp when you get to know some of ur frds much better! :)
tANG huiyi! yo-loggers unite!! bwahaha~~~
looking forward to wed! my first day of work!
kelly! let's meet up at suntec food court some evening for dinner after my work man!
so muchhhhhiiieee to catch up with you man!
God bless you! and hope you are having lotsa fun in your network too :)
--AbsoluteSApphire8--
8:04 PM
Thursday, June 15, 2006//
sapphire's officially starting work next wed!
21st of june 2006.
Class 95 has been a good company :)
lotsa nice songs. nice ambience with the dim lights in a cosy air-conditioned room.
privacy. personalisation. that's my perfect relaxation corner.
tonight, i drove my mummy back from work again. 2nd time.
happy! driving alone in the night is GOOTtTTTTtttttT!!!!
but it's dangerous especially when you simply step onto the accelerator without peeping at your speedometer!!!
i rather be slow/late to reach my destination, than to never reach!
1 life! cherish it!
went up to my cousin house after dinner to have my virgin moment again!
haha...my virgin experimentation of baking cookies....!
it was fun.
my 4 cousins and my little Princess Niece (Ray) were upstairs watching scv.
haha...it's reali nice to stay close to your family :)
tok cock sing song bake cookies!
feeling unwell recently.
bleahhhhhhhhhhhhh. sucky feeling man.
no mood for anything right now.
heard this Gary Barlow song on class 95 on the car...
brought me back to my old schooling days.
those were the days man!
a little devil has grown to become a big little devil liaosss..haha.
BOOHOOOOO, tan chun suan! why you dun wanan work with me at STM :(
*piangz piangz* -- did you hear my fragile heart broken into pieces?!?!!? -_-''
but it's okie! we shall meet for breakfast and dinner man!
esp when we stay sooo near to each other!
keep in contact okies manufacturing engineer (ME)!!
--AbsoluteSApphire8--
12:26 AM
W O O O - H O O O O O O~~~
Wednesday, June 14, 2006//
finalllyyyyyy, SApphire is SO SO SO happy!
i spend like 6 hours searching for blog skins, trial & error for codings, amending etc and finally settled on one that i reali reali like a lot :)
its good to learn some of this pc skills when u are so DAMN free.
haha..
prob starting wk nx wed, and this thurs-sun will be busy with church camps!
sometimes, its good to just take a break from everything.
to take a rest before you reali break.
sometimes emotions get too overwhelming.
often times, the very -ve perception of yourself, will induce very -ve emotions in you.
and the viscous cycle begins. never-ending.
many times, you simply refuse to accept the NOW, and keep turning back to look at the past.
the past has passed, so bloody well look ahead.
it's ironic when i reali love God so much, and yet my language simply hasnt been totally transformed.
i wish i can thoroughly remove the curses and swearing.
sigh. ashamed. guilty. disgusted.
please, i need a total transformation.
can i turn back the hands of time?
let me go back to the initial stage.
to the begining of my life story.
and i will make sure, i hope, i will not be like me now.
--AbsoluteSApphire8--
12:36 PM
- Have You Ever - Brandy.
Tuesday, June 13, 2006//
spoke to BW on msn today.
it's good after so long to catch up with your secondary frd.
thank God for the opportunity that we managed to talk about Christianity even over the msn in jus 1 hr time.
at least i managed to challenge him, to tell about the reliability of the Bible which he doubts etc etc.
haha, reali hope this dear frd of mine will get to see the Light. Faith can never be explained by Logic. I hope one fine day, he will come to understand this simple statement.
BW told me something too.
W broke up with J.
i wasnt shocked though, cos i expected that.
i guess, i was jus surprised it happened so fast.
at first,i was quite relieved, cos W is a good guy and he deserves someone better.
but when BW told me how sad W was, the depression he's gog thr now etc etc.
i felt sad. very sad. jus very "xin teng" W bah.
haha, used to like him so so much in the past.
though, nothing ever happen. though, we are never reali reali close even as frds, he's a nice guy. and he's a nice friend.
still remember vividly that night when he and YM came over to my room and he asked me,"so what's the first sentence in the Bible?"
i couldnt answer..haha, alright, i suck in Bible. I WILL BUCK UP!
and he actually told me the exact sentence.
i was very very happy.
it's good to see someone whom you treasure a lot, becoming curious and seemingly coming to know God.
so, i sms W today a simple & encouraging sms.
indeed, we exchanged a little conversation thr sms too.
hmmmm, for the whole evening till now, i am feeling a little lost. a little confused.
perhaps it's jus DMS? haha. no idea man.
i dun think i still like him.
i dun think i still miss him.
i guess, whenever i think of him, i jus feel a little "ke xi".
i guess, i jus want him to be happy.
and such a nice guy like him, shouldnt suffer heartbreaks like that. time after times.
haha. sighhh.
relationships.
what's that man.
guys breaking girls' heart.
girls breaking guys' heart.
that's how futile it is.
indeed, maybe thats why it has been a long long longggggg time since i last felt those "unwhelming feeling".
perhaps, thats why i have become so much more independent. emotionally perhaps?
--AbsoluteSApphire8--
9:00 PM
//
last night was my virgin night!
HAHA....ehhhh, continue reading la!
my virgin drive ALONE in the night.
haha, cos my mother work frpm 8am-10pm,so decided, since i am so damn free, might as well go pick her up!
have to admit, i was quite scare...haha, cos my parents refuse to let me drive alone till now!
and now i have to drive ALONE in the NIGHT somemoreeeee.
BUT IT WAS GOOD!
that's what i always wanted to do.
to drive alone in the night.
and let my mind be overwhelmed with thoughts, reflections and praise singing to the Lord.
i know my mother was very surprised and perhaps a bit "gan dong"??
haha, but that's good.
SApphire reali is TRYING TRYING TRYING to get out of my comfort zone.
and i know God is reali teaching and working in my life.
though "bathing" can be painful at times when you get scrubbed too hard, if it serves the purpose to remove you from the Miry Clay.
i mean, why not?
--AbsoluteSApphire8--
8:15 AM
HAPPY BIRDAY MY "LAOOO GOOONGGGG"!!!
Monday, June 12, 2006//
MAY THE GOOD LORD BLESS YOU!
MAY THE GOOD LORD BLESS YOU!
MAY THE GOOD LORD BLESS YOUUUUUU~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
may the g-o-o-ttttt l-o-r-d b-l-e-s-s youuuuuuuu!!!!!
:)
love ya lotsa "ah-bu"!
-"maria"08-
--AbsoluteSApphire8--
9:02 AM
By Faith i claimed that it's a GOOD decision made!
Saturday, June 10, 2006//
Very good! You made a decision with clear intentions - it is a sign of a genius! All the best in your career !
Thanks and regards, hanif
Hanif Mohamed
SSMC Manufacturing
Systems on Silicon Manufacturing Co. Pte. Ltd.
70 Pasir Ris Industrial Drive 1
Singapore 519527
DID: (65) 62487053
Secretary: (65) 62487183
Fax: (65) 62487263
Email: hanif.mohamed_2@philips.com, www.ssmc.com.sg
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hi Mr. Hanif,
after seriously considering for the past 2 days, i have FINALLY decided.
i think i will accept STMicroelectronics offer as a process engineer.
i guess i want to start off my career with more technical knowledge esp. when i am younger.
wish to use this as a platform for me to learn as much as possible in STM too.
Since, STM is expanding rapidly now and is also recruiting hundreds over candidates, i think i will be able to get involved more and perhaps even more opportunities to learn together with the fellow fresh grads too :)
but i know that ultimately, i will want to do things regarding to management.
Realli hope you can understand and reali wanna thank you for your advice on tues.
it has been very beneficial, bcos you challenged me a lot on what i want in life at this point of life :)
you also shared with me alot with regards to process and manu work scope.
perhaps, i never know if i reali did make a right choice.
haha, but as you said, even if i didnt make the best choice out of these 2 offers, i will still give my best shot!
God bless and hopefully we have a chance to keep in contact!
yanying08
"Blessed are those who love and fear Him."
--AbsoluteSApphire8--
10:48 AM
//
jealousy, bitterness & envy is somethg that sapphire hates being overwhelmed with.
it's reali good as God is surfacing more and more of my personality traits thr ppl. thr event.
it's exciting and yet shameful to realise all these dirty "hidden" selves.
indeed, its hard to try to curb such inner feelings.
to pretend that you are still alright in front of the crowd.
you want to let someone close to know what you are gog thr, and yet you are afraid of being judged.
you want to be transparent to someone close and yet you are afraid that this makes you too vulnerable.
you have so much to tell someone, and yet when you see that person, words jus doesnt flow out like how you wish it could.
you wish things are perfect and accordingly to the way you want, and yet often times, its pretty draining to continue to P.U.S.H.
sometimes the "picture perfect" that i desire and paint in my head might not turn up to be the best scenario for Him. and i Thank God truly.
haha.
SApphire is feeling very fine in case you are wondering.
jus tot of blogging down some personal tots.
if you realise.
haha...i am always talking about the surface stuff.
jus like what tang huiyi says --> you go around the circumferences of the circle,never touching on the deep in content of what you are thinking.
haha.
you see, you have the freedom to blog.
but at the same time, it poses a certain amount of interference of your privacy too.
it's a double edge sword.
i like ppl to know my life. roughly. by reading my blog.
but, i want ppl to know thoroughly about my life, face-to-face, through the way of sharing and speech.
haha.
that's my language of love :)
--AbsoluteSApphire8--
9:44 AM
9 types personality test : SApphire Trait (1) HELPER
//
Type 2. Helper Diagrams Description Comments
World View: People depend on my help. I am needed.
Basic Desire: to be loved
Basic Fear: of being unloved
Healthy loop controlled by Basic Desire:
Need to be loved -> help others -> loved -> Need to be loved
In the healthy state, the need to be loved induces Type Twos to help others which causes them to be loved. When Twos feel loved, the need is satisfied and a balance is reached.
In the average state, when Twos' are not helping others and are not loved, the need to be loved increases, which helps Twos to again reach out and help others. Thus the balancing loop can help Twos to recover.
Unhealthy loop controlled by Basic Fear:
Fear of being unloved -> resent and manipulate others -> loved -> Fear of being unloved
In the unhealthy state, the basic fear of being unloved can cause Type Twos to feel resentful and try to manipulate others into loving them. This can cause people to love them even less, which further increases Twos' basic fear. The cycle continues to build up.
Insight:
We can see from the diagram that a way to help break the control of the basic fear is to weaken the unhealthy loop. Twos can refrain from manipulating others but start to genuinely help others. This will cause Twos to be loved, and thus reduce the fear of being unloved.
--AbsoluteSApphire8--
8:43 AM
description of HELPER
//
The Helper (the Two)
Helpers are warm, concerned, nurturing, and sensitive to other people's needs.
How to Get Along with Me
Tell me that you appreciate me. Be specific.
Share fun times with me.
Take an interest in my problems, though I will probably try to focus on yours.
Let me know that I am important and special to you.
Be gentle if you decide to criticize me.
In Intimate Relationships
Reassure me that I am intersting to you.
Reassure me often that you love me.
Tell me I'm attractive and that you're glad to be seen with me.
What I Like About Being a Two
being able to relate easily to people and to make friends
knowing what people need and being able to make their lives better
being generous, caring, and warm
being sensitive to and perceptive about others' feelings
being enthusiastic and fun-loving, and having a good sense of humor
What's Hard About Being a Two
not being able to say no
having low self-esteem
feeling drained from overdoing for others
not doing things I really like to do for myself for fear of being selfish
criticizing myself for not feeling as loving as I think I should
being upset that others don't tune in to me as much as I tume in to them
working so hard to be tactful and considerate that I suppress my real feelings
Twos as Children Often
are very sensitive to disapproval and criticism
try hard to please their parents by being helpful and understanding
are outwardly compliant
are popular or try to be popular with other children
act coy, precocious, or dramatic in order to get attention
are clowns and jokers (the more extroverted Twos), or quiet and shy (the more introverted Twos)
Twos as Parents
are good listeners, love their children unconditionally, and are warm and encouraging (or suffer guilt if they aren't)
are often playful with their children
wonder: "Am I doing it right?" "Am I giving enough?" "Have I caused irreparable damage?"
can become fiercely protective
--AbsoluteSApphire8--
8:38 AM
9 types personality test : SApphire Trait (2) MOTIVATOR/ACHIEVER
//
World View: The world values a champion. Avoid failure at all costs.
Basic Desire: to be admired
Basic Fear: of being rejected
Healthy loop controlled by Basic Desire:
Need to be admired -> self-improvement -> admired -> Need to be admired
In the healthy state, the need to be admired induces Type Threes to work hard to improve themselves and succeed, which often cause others around them to admire them. When Threes feel admired, the need is satisfied and a balance is reached.
In the average state, when Threes' are not working hard to improve themselves, others admire them less, which increases Threes' need to be admired. Thus this helps Threes to again work hard to improve themselves. Thus the balancing loop can help Threes to recover.
Unhealthy loop controlled by Basic Fear:
Fear of being rejected -> compete -> admired -> Fear of being rejected
In the unhealthy state, the basic fear of being rejected can cause Type Threes to be competitive and hostile towards others as a defense, which makes them even less admirable, and further increases Threes' basic fear. The cycle continues to build up.
Insight:
We can see from the diagram that a way to help break the control of the basic fear is to weaken the unhealthy loop. Threes can refrain from being competitive but focus on self-improvement instead. This will lead to genuine admiration from others and lessen the fear of rejection.
--AbsoluteSApphire8--
8:27 AM
description of MOTIVATOR/ACHIEVER
//
The Achiever (the Three)
Achivers are energetic, optimistic, self-assured, and goal oriented.
How to Get Along with Me
Leave me alone when I am doing my work.
Give me honest, but not unduly critical or judgmental, feedback.
Help me keep my environment harmonious and peaceful.
Don't burden me with negative emotions.
Tell me you like being around me.
Tell me when you're proud of me or my accomplishments.
What I Like About Being a Three
being optimistic, friendly, and upbeat
providing well for my family
being able to recover quickly from setbacks and to charge ahead to the next challenge
staying informed, knowing what's going on
being competent and able to get things to work efficiently
being able to motivate people
What's Hard About Being a Three
having to put up with inefficiency and incompetence
the fear on not being -- or of not being seen as -- successful
comparing myself to people who do things better
struggling to hang on to my success
putting on facades in order to impress people
always being "on." It's exhausting.
Threes as Children Often
work hard to receive appreciation for their accomplishments
are well liked by other children and by adults
are among the most capable and responsible children in their class or school
are active in school government and clubs or are quietly busy working on their own projects
Threes as Parents
are consistent, dependable, and loyal
struggle between wanting to spend time with their children and wanting to get more work done
expect their children to be responsible and organized
--AbsoluteSApphire8--
8:02 AM
Friday, June 09, 2006//
Whose voice can make time slip away? Who can free us from the entrapment we all can feel in our life situation? Who can ensure us that there is a place waiting just for us – a place where we belong, where who we are makes a difference to someone? Well I can’t speak for Bonnie Raitt, but the only one I know who can fill this bill is Jesus. If it's anyone else, get ready to be let down again.
“Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” (Matt. 11:28-29 NLT)
As far as angels are concerned, I never heard anything about them turning their backs on anyone. I only know that Jesus wouldn't. Jesus extends open arms to all sinners. “Whoever comes to me I will never drive away.” (John 6:37) And that's probably a mystery even angels don't understand.
“Don't let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, and trust also in me. There is more than enough room in my Father's home … When everything is ready, I will come and get you, so that you will always be with me where I am.” (John 14:1-3 NLT)
--AbsoluteSApphire8--
7:49 AM
Wednesday, June 07, 2006//
FUCKING HELL.
--AbsoluteSApphire8--
8:54 PM
--- Decision ---
//
SSMC offered Manu enginer yday too.
STMicroelectronics offered Process engineer too.
hmmm, though ssmc pay is SOOOO Much better. i mean it can total up to $8000 in an entire year, but i think SApphire will most prob accept STMicroelectronics.
will announce this news to my parents and brother tonight.
hope, reali hope, they will be supportive of my decisive, cosi know my mummy is very against me working 12 hr shift.
sigh, but my passion is reali in semiconductor,and tats how the industry operates.
TOO BAD.
--AbsoluteSApphire8--
12:03 PM
Monday, June 05, 2006//
yesh.
STMicroelectronics called me to inform me that i am offered the position - process engineer.
will be gog on wed to discuss the remuneration package with the HR.
but, i will still be gog to ssmc for 2nd interview tml for the postion - manufacturing engineer.
seriously, dun know what God has for me.
so think, its better for me to go for both..if i reali get both jobs, then God must grant me the wisdom to select liaos.
but, for these past few days, been fervently praying that God will only grant me ONEEEE OPENNNN DOOORRRR!
only 1 job! that He will choose for me.
but sapphire jus wanan trust God to lead me to the place that my territory will be enlarged. the place where i will be able to experience His awesome favour, love and manifestation.
the place where Sapphire will be able to excel, accordingly to His Grace.
cant wait to start work.
life is boring....dun like to jus sleep, eat and go out and stay at home.
rather, work and feel a bit more useful! :)
--AbsoluteSApphire8--
9:26 PM
//
today, on my way to church, i told God to reveal a passage to me that he wants to speak to me.
so He revealed John 13:6.
it is the passage of Jesus washing His disciples' feet.
this passage always struck me and reminds me of some stuff.
and surprisingly at the GLobal prayer meeting...there's this scence when the 2 pastors were washing each other's feet...
so i read it on the bus.
but, i couldnt reali understand and also had quite a few questions with regards to some stuff. or rather 1 particular incident.
during solitude, i decided to read it once again.
indeed, God showed me a greater picture, granted me a deeper understanding, and most imptly, i seemed to be able to recognise some stuff.
I was asking God why "feet"? why cannot be washing of other parts of the body?
then i remembered even from the TV shows, whenever you want to humble someone, you always ask the person to lick your toes? wash your feet? etc.
i believe, the feet is often times the most disgusting and unhygenic part of the body.
thus, the fact that your leader is actually washing ur feet simply enhances the degree of the humbling task to serve.
God revealed to me sometimes back that in order to love, you need to serve.
Hence, to serve is also to love.
qy did mention bf that from some incidents that happen in my life, it does seem like i have difficulty in receiving.
the recent 9type personlity test i took recently also mentioned my inability to receive and also hostility.
i think i am still experiencing the difficulty to serve and also to love.
however, amazingly....today, i realised that i am also experiencing difficulty to receive love and also service.
haha...didnt realise that..but when i start recalling, it seems like indeed it might be true.
"Unless I wash you, you have no part with me."
God mentioned in this passage that if the disciples refuse to allow Him to wash their feet, then they will have no part in Him.
if you want to have abundance of blessings in your life from God, you must learn to receive His love. And prob till now, i have yet to experience & receive his Total Love? with Full Freedom???
haha...no idea man.
the NKJ version mentioned that the devil has set upon Judas Heart to betray Jesus.
once again, God reminded me the importance to guard our heart.
and i remembered from the Melbourne Museum, i read this verse from some medical reports that "the heart controls your mind."
and it reminds me of the numerous time when "i feel like i am...", and "i think i am..." and finally, it gives birth to the belief tat " i am...".
that's how powerful and scary the things that matter to the heart are.
another interesting point received today is the truth if "there's a decpetion in me since young to relate LOVE to HOSTILITY.."
when i feel loved, i jus want to run away. to avoid. to reciprocate with hostility.
when i love, i too sometimes try to be hostile to the person..
if you are a normal person...i think this 2 behaviours are like RUBBISH to you man :)
so why do i run away?
perhaps cos i am afraid to face disappointments?
haha...to be frank, i am quite a possessive person. perhaps, i can be quite a selfish person too.
but wadever it is.
i believe tat anything that's not of God will definitely be torn down in the name of Jesus!
He is always faithful.
--AbsoluteSApphire8--
12:32 AM
Sunday, June 04, 2006//
yday, i went to SSMC for manu engineering interview at 1030am.
that was the first round.
the manu engineer is a christian. He's pretty nice :)and pretty charismatic too..
i remembered God revealed to me at the tabernacle a picture of my workplace.
its a concrete greyish route path leading to a grey patch of land. Green bushes were surrounding this piece of land...
it seems like SSMC to me though...or rather it seems like UMC..haha, but UMC havent call me up yet.
indeed, yday, in the afternoon about 3pm.
SSMC called me to inform me that i am selected to go to the 2nd interview this tuesdy at 4pm.
meeting the director of manufacturing.
basically, the job is 12hr shift. 5 mths night and then 5 mths day (rotating). 8am-8pm or 8pm-8am.
work 2 days, break 2 days.
you may wonder why...again!
but then i reali am very interested to work in a semiconductor firm.
and chances are, semiconductor engineers have to conduct 12 hr shift work.
when i told my mum, she wasnt very pleased...sigh.
though approval and support are impt...but, i think i realli know what i want. even if she dont allow, i am still gonna go this path.
unless, when i am inside and realise, this is not interest, then prob i will leave bah.
surprising, yday ard 10pm, STMicroelectronics called me to schedule for an interview today at 12noon. it is for process engineer.
though,i am not very keen.i agree. haha...coincidentally, ah choon was asked to go for the interview too.
by God Grace, after my 1st interview at STM, i was immediately selected to go for the 2nd interview.
i was glad when the Director of process engineering told me,"though, you do not have any specialisation nor any prior knowledge of semiconductor, but i could feel your interest, passion to work in a semiconductor industry. and i am feel your enthusiasm to want to work with the ppl, the machines etc etc. and i seriously like that. though, i still have a few resumes, i am going keep you in view."
haha. seriously, i wonder if this is supposed to be good?
its still 12hr shift. but 7am-7pm or 7pm-7am.
however, if i am offered this job and very sadly given the sunday shift, i think i will forgo this job bah. cos i seriously dun wan to miss church on sunday though STM is like such a big MNCs and such good career opportunity.
but reali hope that i will be allocated to the sat shift though...keeping fingers crossed.
BUT...STM doesnt belong to the picture that God revealed to me lei.
hmmm...not that i can notice yet.
but SSMC does have that bush tat surrounds its building which is build on a grey piece of land...
HAHA.
but, i prayed and reali hope that He will open doors to the job that He indeed wants me to go to.
and He will SHUT ALL DOORS COMPLETELY for those that He do not want me to enter.
Man...He must annoint me with the wisdom man.
reali hope i will be able to survive the 12hr shift type of work.
though fearful....but i know i want to go thr it.
no point thinking and anticipating the fear without even attempting to give yourself a chance to try out.
worse come to worse, jus quit lor if i cannot take it.
God allows mistakes.
even if SApphire is also to raise the white flag, it doesnt mean that i am a failure. it doesnt mean that i am lousy.
it simply means that I am a step closer to understand myself more.
it simply means that i am a step closer to achieveing the success God has for me.
You learnt most when you fall and make mistakes.
and i know that, the tougher the circumstances, the greater you get stretched, the greater you grow, the more magnified God will be in our life. the more we are able to witness his Awesome faithfulness.
though, i still have a lot of issues to deal with.
frankly saying, i cant wait to work.
perhaps i jus want to flood my whole life and mind with work. work. and work.
nothing else.....
jus work. jus Him.
wadever.
cant be bothered.
FLy me to the Moon. Never send me back.
Dun wish to be back.
I rather be Alone. in this entire whole wide world.
ha..jus me and the blue sky. the ocean and the stars.
play me a beautiful song.
give me a glass of red wine.
lying on the fine sand.
mesmerised by the twinkling little stars.
thinking about the beautiful things that God has created.
fall into a deep sleep.
and never do i want to wake up again.
--AbsoluteSApphire8--
12:40 AM
Saturday, June 03, 2006//
Title: Handling Fear
Author: Warren Wiersbe
Read Psalm 56:1-13
Fear can grip us when we feel life is out of control, and that's what happened to David when he was hiding from King Saul. But instead of running from his fears, with God's help he faced them. By understanding how David handled his fears, we can better handle ours.
First, David honestly admitted his fears (vv. 1-7). He admitted the enemy was against him (v. 2). We won't win the victory if we pretend the Enemy is not there or if we try to suppress our fears. David's enemies were chasing him like ferocious animals, and they oppressed him all day long. They were slandering him and hunting him. It was a matter of life and death. What did he do? He admitted his fears and trusted in God.
A lady once came to D. L. Moody and said, "I've found a verse to help me conquer my fear--Psalm 56:3." Moody replied, "I'll give you a better verse--Isaiah 12:2." Psalm 56:3 tells us that when we're afraid, we'll trust. Isaiah 12:2 says that we'll "trust and not be afraid." Faith overcomes everything (Ps. 103:5). Let's face our fears honestly.
Second, David humbly confessed his faith (vv. 8-13). He spoke about God, not his enemies. He clung to the Word of God and did not back out of his commitment to Him just because he was going through trouble. What was the result of David's ordeal? God's protection and provision brought forth David's prayer and praise (vv. 12,13).
Although everything may seem stacked against you, God is on your side. He knows who you are, where you are and what you're up against. He will protect you and deliver you.
If you are facing enemies and are gripped by fear, admit your fear and then turn to the Word of God. Trust in His promises to protect and provide. God knows what you are going through, and He will deliver you. Your faith will overcome your fear and lead to praise.
--AbsoluteSApphire8--
1:21 AM
God's Perfect Timing.
Friday, June 02, 2006//
Sometimes I wonder what lies ahead
How long till my hunger is fed
They say it's hard to make it in this part of town
So many people on this merry-go-round
Some folks try astrology
Some turn to crystal balls
To find an answer,
To get through it all
I just fall on my knees and I try to pray
In the silence I can hear Him say
The river runs and the river hides
Out to the ocean and under the sky
I promise you, the answer will come
Hold on to patience and watch for the sign
Everything in its time
I often feel like I'm two steps behind
Somebody must have moved that finish line
There are a thousand reasons
Why I should give up
But I'm stubborn in the things I believe
The river runs and the river hides
Out to the ocean and under the sky
I promise you, the answer will come
Hold on to patience and watch for the sign
'cause maybe there's another plan
One I still can't see
A little surprise, like your love in my life
Funny how time changes how we see
The river runs and the river hides
Out to the ocean and under the sky
I promise you, the answer will come
Hold on to patience and watch for the sign
Everything in its time
Everything in its time
--AbsoluteSApphire8--
11:53 PM
to Wait. Your belief determines who you are.
//
Come Holy SPirit
"Come Holy Spirit
Fall on me now
I need your anoiting
Come in your p'wr
I love you Holy SPirit
You're captivating my soul
And everyday,
I grow to love you more
I'm reaching for your heart
You hold my life in yr hands
Drawing me closer to you
I feel your powers renew
Nothing compares to this place
WHere I can meet you face to face
I worship you
In Spirit and in truth!"
--AbsoluteSApphire8--
11:42 PM
Lost and not Found.
//
A Pure Heart
F Dm
A pure heart, that's what I long for.
Bb C F
A heart that follows hard after Thee;
F Dm
A pure heart, that's what I long for.
Bb C F
A heart that follows hard after Thee.
VERSE:
Bb C
A heart that hides Your Word
F F7
So that sin will not come in.
Bb C
A heart that's undivided
F F7
But one You rule and reign;
Bb C
A heart that beats compassion,
Dm
That pleases You, my Lord.
Bb C
A sweet aroma of worship
Bb C F
That rises to Your throne.
--AbsoluteSApphire8--
11:30 PM
//
--AbsoluteSApphire8--
10:46 PM
