start afresh, know God as the God He is. not the God whom we think He is...

Wednesday, August 30, 2006//

been reading Colossians again and again and again for the past few weeks.
as i read more and more time after time...i realise,i am begining to see the scripture is a different light..in fact...becoming ironically more enjoyable now.
perhaps like what qiaoyun said...when you are at different journey of your life...the same situation, the same scripture etc will speak to you in a very much different way.

i tot the sermon was good. for once, i had time to reflect and mediatate.
and i told qiaoyun, we shld have more of this kind of sermon.
yet, i was taken aback by her response towards my comment.
she said,"you are wrong. sermons should be sermons, pastor should preach rather then keep letting us have this very personalised time to reflect. cos we should have done our reflection on our own after sermon. jus that we are too ill-disicpline to do that. so this is not a valid reason...."

indeed. after what she said, i processed a little.
have to agree. ya. cos i wasnt discipline enuff to reali REALI reflect upon what are tot.
no wonder...all these stuff will always remain ONLY as head knowledge.
i have guiltily made these sermons, these lessons from God JUST like my other lecture in NUS....

-a lifestyle-

--AbsoluteSApphire8--
5:14 PM

Friday, August 25, 2006//

August 24, 2006
Encouragement for Today

Principle 3
“What Kind Do You Want?”
Van Walton, Director of Hispanic Ministries, Proverbs 31 Speaker Team Member

Key Verse:

Proverbs 17:14, “Starting a quarrel is like opening a floodgate, so stop before a dispute breaks out.” (NLT)

Devotion:

I asked my son to drive us to church. As I stepped into the car, I noticed how desperately my car needed a good washing.
“The cars need to be washed,” I said to Benjamin. “Would you do that for me this afternoon?”
“I’ll wash my car, if I get around to it,” he responded. That was a resounding “no” to washing the other cars. I first experienced anger, followed by disappointment. Then my desire to preach and chastise mixed with my need to scold and shame. Yet I said nothing.
Saying nothing won the battle for me. I have learned that all the words in the world are not going to make a whole lot of head way with my stubborn child. So, instead of losing my dignity and saying something I might regret, I kept my lips sealed, taking a mouth full of preaching, scolding, and nagging straight to the Lord. I have learned that, whenever my child disappoints me or misbehaves, if I go to God in prayer, seeking wisdom and unconditional love for my child, the potential disagreement is defused. God has also taught me to check myself when my sons let me down.
Today I asked my child to wash my car. He declined. What has God asked me to do recently that I ignored? Lots of things! Earlier in the week, I know He nudged me to call a friend and offer to watch her children, so she could get out for a few hours. I found an excuse and soon forgot. On another occasion I said an unkind thing to my husband. I know God has been waiting for me to apologize. I have a grudge that I need to drop and a neighbor who could use my forgiveness. “Would you do that for me?” I hear God gently ask.
How could I force the issue with my eighteen year old son? How could I expect him to be a more compliant child than I? At this time in my child’s life, I have to let go. (This is why it is so important to plant the seeds of discipline and obedience early in life.) Now, as a teenager, he is making his own choices, and experiencing deeper consequences than the ones I dole out or control.
Besides learning some lessons about my disobedience to God, I learned a couple of other good lessons by keeping quiet. Had I scolded my son, we would have entered God’s house on a bad note. We have had too many disagreeable rides to church on Sunday mornings. As a result, I refuse to enter into battles on Sunday mornings.
Had I chastised his misbehavior, he would have come back at me. Instead, I allowed the silence in the car to teach him, praying that the Holy Spirit would convict him. I drew closer to God and no divisive words or actions came between mother and son.
Had I succumbed to a typical mother’s pouting, I would have heaped hurt feelings upon the anger I felt, compounding emotions that needed to be brought under the control of the Holy Spirit. Allowing emotions to rage out of control never moves one toward a positive goal.
I am amazed how quickly I forgot the incident. I walked into church, heard praise music, prayed, listened to my pastor teach from the book of Hosea, and was reminded that God’s love is a mystery. His love is unconditional. God never gives up. Sitting in church, I felt God’s approval for not allowing my flesh to rule.
Praying for my son during the closing prayer, I asked God to teach Benjamin the importance of developing a servant’s heart. “Help him to desire wisdom and seek your approval. Don’t let him be like his mother. I am still missing the mark and only recently am learning to seek You above all else.”
At the end of the day, he approached me in the yard where I was working. “Mom,” he said. “I am going to buy us pizza for supper. What kind do you want?”

--AbsoluteSApphire8--
3:32 PM

my favourite song - Puff Daddy, My Best Friend
//

[puffy] (mario)
Ive seen a lot of things in my life
Alot of ups and downs
Made alot of mistakes
No matter what, youve always been by my side
Youve always been my best friend
Youre the love of my life (oh)
Youre everything to me (oh)
You never left my side (youre my best friend)
I love you so much (yes, you are)
Youre my best friend

[puffy]
Since the beginning of time
All you did was bless men
Too young to understand but now you my best friend
How could they doubt you, never think about you
Dont they know nothings possible without you

Faith without fear thats how they raised me
Words of man kill but never phase me
Grateful for wisdom that you gave me
But still Im like, dear God I wonder, could you save me?
Too much sinning, gotta be more than plush living
Gotta be more than grabbing nines to buck tin in
Gotta be more than just to lust women
Gotta be more than platinum rolexes, 600s and crushed linen
Praise your name, I know some of them hate their due
Judgment day, dont they know they cant escape your crew
Im just trying to live right and pray you take me through
And with this song I dedicate to you, my lord

1 - [mario winans]
Lord, you mean the world to me
Before I was born you chose me
You always hear me when Im calling
Even catch me when Im falling
Youre the closest one to me
I surrender all to thee
I want the whole wide world to see
That weve always been and well always be
Best friends

[puffy]
Sometimes I reminisce and wonder how I made it this far
Because of you, Im me, so you the real star
Your hindsight, the times right to get my mind tight
Then give it to you and let it shine bright
My best friend, only know how to teach the truth
Plant the seeds of life and let them eat the fruit
Cant you see that he spread love for you
Shed blood for you, cry for and die for you
Willies with mac millies know how you get down
We know the drama you bring whenever you hit town
Just remember when you pray, God is love
Gracious, merciful, forgive even the hardest thugs
Life as we know it, it all begins with him
Life as we know it, it all ends with him
If I was you I would never try to pretend with him
He might spaz and blow it, Im best friends with him

Repeat 1

[puffy]
Been two and a half years since my man big passed
Been two and a half years since my world crashed
I needed help, God gave me the power
Gave me the strength to go face to face with my darkest hour
Looked me in the eyes and ask what you doing unhappy?
Dont you know why Im here? and started shooting at me
Back to the wall, is my faith gonna play out
Never wavered once, gave me no way out
Your time to die, dont even stress the date
Youre coming with me, your soul Im next to take
I told him Im too much blessed with faith
And living for christ and then he said manifest the great
All of a sudden, what Im remembering
Ground started to shake, everything trembling
The power of the truth was shooting through my timberlands
Here was my lord jesus christ, my best friend again, come on

Repeat 1 while:

[puffy]
You mean everything to me
Youve been with me from day one
Even when I thought nobody was there
You were there
Youre my best friend
I love you like no other
There is no feeling like this in the world
If you can relate to what Im feeling
Put your hands in the air for me
Let me see you
Naw, matter of fact clap your hands for me
Clap your hands, come on
Thank you jesus
You always hear me when Im calling
Always catch me when I fall, yeah
I surrender all to thee
I want the whole world to see
That youve always been, youll always be
My best friend
I love you jesus
Thank you, forgive me for my trespasses
As I forgive those who trespass against me
Thank you

--AbsoluteSApphire8--
3:28 PM

Wednesday, August 23, 2006//

XXXXX: Sometimes I let some balls drop. Sometimes I put other balls down. Sometimes I ask someone to juggle with me. What is important is that I juggle for the audience of ONE. Are you stressed?

i read this from eejay's blog.
interesting.
when i read the first line, "sometimes i let some balls drop."
i feel "ouch".
somehow i felt sad, loss, depressed. somehow this statement has indicated that i have failed.

i guess, to be more exact, it represents a kind of "letting go."
perhaps that's how the "ouch" came into picture.
to let go and to let God.
perhaps, we are always trying too hard.
perhaps, we can be rather harsh on ourselves.

perhaps, perhaps, perhaps.

been thinking of where i shld go at the end of the year for a holiday.
perhaps NZ would be good place.
or Sydney?
Europe? hmm...dun think so, too ex le bah.
maybe gog alone would be a good experience, but doubt my parents would agree.

pay is coming at the end of the month AGAIN.
but seriously, not feeling much excitement though.

--AbsoluteSApphire8--
12:24 AM

Tuesday, August 22, 2006//

a lot of things happen today.
i went to pasir ris to collect some stuff from frd and then clementi to develop some photos.
went to tuition in the evening and met up with Jason to sign my Citibank Investment with him.
i met a very interesting woman,whom i believe she's quite a Godly woman. and surprisingly, her son is from FCBC and she is actively involved with the Touch and the Handicapped though she's from another church.
from the 30mins conevrsation on the mrt, she jus stepped down from some CEO position, and currently spending another phase of her life to glorify God in the things that she is doing - building platform for the handicapped, blind etc to earn a living, to be independent in their living.
interesting.
and she taught me one very impt thing, that pastor has been preaching too.
Ownership. everything you have right now, belongs to God. He truly owns everything that you have.

it's been a long day with lots of thoughts coming in and out of my mind.
reali happy that Ver has met this great man Jason.
reali very encouraged by this faithful steward of God.
reali hope to see them getting within 2 years :)

exchanged a little sms with huiyi on my way home from tuition, and reali thank God that He is reali polishing and cleansing us at this very moment of our lives.
though it's painful, very painful, but knowing it's gonna be a good piece of work reali gives us the confidence to press on.
indeed, we are hard pressed but not crushed.

it's been a long and winding 1 year journey for SApphire.
too tired and too numb to turn back and look.
though,many a times, i still feel like disappearing into the thin air and fly to the Moon and never come back, i know i shouldnt.
cos that will jus be a demonstration of my cowardy. of my refusal to face the reality. to face myself, to face the unknown future.

it's interesting to see how God has brought me to this very moment.
indeed, He is bringing me back to Him. humbled and broken.
indeed, He has drilled and reali truly reminded me about my Purpose on this earth. to live for Him and not for myself.

though, my mood is not splendidly splendid. though my issues are not totally resolved yet.
but i thank God, cos my Spirit to fulfil my calling on this earth is rising and my obedience to Him is stablishing.

it's easier to counsel someone than to apply it yourself.
not bcos you dun believe it, but it's always harder to fight your flesh.
words are cheap.
for actions speak louder than words.
do not pay lip service to the Lord, for He knows and He sees your heart.
at the end of the day, you will just be the great pretender.
the biggest fool at the end of the day, will just be yourself.
at the end of the day, you have just missed the Train.

--AbsoluteSApphire8--
12:14 AM

my first virgin night shift in STMicroelectronics
Sunday, August 20, 2006//

thurs - sat was my first night shift in ST.
tired la, no joke mans.
even dinnering at 1030pm and suppering at 230pm doesnt reali keep me awake.
haha, seriously needa sleep.
but at least my colleagues have car, so can all drive out to makan, rather than stay in the company cafe.

shagged is the only word i can mention.
though the working pace is much slower compared to the day, and i have more freedom and can listen to music in the office, wear super duper slobbish, no need to get arrowed by bosses to do extra stuff...BUT. tiredness can spoilt ur mood totally.
i reali hope God can sustain me for long, cos i reali reali like the job a lot.

not only so, Stress is the other word that i can describe.
soon,i will be running ALONE in the pdtn line le.
reali very very stressed.
cannot afford to make mistakes that caused non-conformance lots or scrapped wafers.
cannot afford to screw up the recipes.
must learn to finetune recipe FASTERRRRR.
must learn to analyse particles issues FASTTERRRR.
must pick up things faster...

sigh.
stress & tiredness is building.
have to admit, on thurs or rather on wed morning after shift, i asked God.
have i chose the wrong path? wrong job?
cos night shift is no joke mans.

and He told me.
many times, when things go on smoothly accordingly to your liking, you tagged as "God's calling for you"
but while, things started becoming hair-wired...and things are getting reali difficult & tedious...you started doubting if "have i heard God correctly? is this what He wants me to do? should i quit now and find the correct path?"

sigh.
i guess it's onli human nature.

so right now i can onli onli onli pray and ask God to help me.
no one else can help me liaos.

shagged.
worked until 7am today, go home bathe, eat then go SOC from 10-12, then church till 4pm.
by the time i reach home, i reali feel like crying le.
that's the amount of tiredness i have been carrying for the whole day.
or rather,i seriously dun know how to hand this over to God to carry for me.

--AbsoluteSApphire8--
9:35 PM

Friday, August 18, 2006//

While you were sleeping
by John Fischer

The Lord delights in you. It’s hard to imagine a thought more foreign than this. Take all the religions of the world, including the way many approach Christianity, and you have a history of people trying to please a distant, holy, monolith of a deity with little assurance of success. As humans, we grovel, we confess, we beat our bodies, we deprive ourselves, we go through steps and stages of development trying to reach some level of respectability that would allow us to be worthy of the Presence, and then we wait for lightning to strike should we get anywhere near. Would we ever think in terms of bringing this God anything he didn’t already possess? Bring God pleasure? How could anyone ever expect to do that?

And yet we do – without doing anything at all.

Any parent knows the feeling of watching their children sleep. There’s nothing that can fully describe this. There’s something about them in those moments of innocence and vulnerability that pulls at your heart and swallows you up. It takes your breath away. We don’t know what to do with all the pictures we have of our children sleeping. We can’t stop taking them. And isn’t it interesting that our children are doing nothing while all this is happening? They aren’t smiling. They aren’t posing. They aren’t performing. They aren’t doing anything but sleeping, and they are breaking our hearts in two.

What is this except our taking sheer pleasure in their being? We delight in them because of who they are, and while they sleep, nothing gets in the way of our admiration. They bring us sheer pleasure without doing anything at all.

I imagine this is how it is with God. Since he has made us like him, whatever we experience as parents has got to mirror something of what God feels toward us. And I imagine he feels the same thing. So shut your eyes and rest in the knowledge of his love. Know that you bring your heavenly Father pleasure simply by being who you are. You are his and he is yours, and there is nothing you can do today, or any day, to change that. The love he has for you is a constant. He loves you because he loves you. If an earthly dad knows what this is, you can bet our heavenly Dad does too.

--AbsoluteSApphire8--
12:56 PM

Tuesday, August 15, 2006//

this is one of the paragraph that i read from the online devotion...interesting.

"I started to think about how often the Lord has shown me ways to serve others. How have I responded? Did I jump right up and do as He asked, or did I run as hard as I could in the opposite direction? Did I make several excuses about how I could not possibly be the right one for the job and give him a complete list with phone numbers and addresses of others who are far more qualified than I am? I am sure they would at least have more time than I do! When given the choice that will lead to life, will I choose it?"

haha. hmmm..quite like me mans.

anyway, had a good hall life catch up with Ps, Huiyi, mel, amanda, charmaine, suern & jiahui.
a good 730pm-1130pm.
pastor is sooooo loooo soooorrrr..
OPSSS! haha.
but the session is good though.
and i think these kind of chats though is super time consuming, should be made more regular also...cos i guess, it will help the girls a lot in their struggle & balancing with committments & standards in their lives too bah.

huiyi ah huiyi....my dear laogong...!!
lao gong gong..haha, you must jiayou & press on man!
you are hard pressed but NOT crushed worz!
you can always sms or call me to disturb or cry(i doubt u will ever do that...cos you are not YY) or complain!!
feel free mans! :]

--AbsoluteSApphire8--
11:58 PM

You are my God, my Life, my All.
Monday, August 14, 2006//

i thank God, that no matter what happen, it will always happen for a good reason.
i thank God, cos God always has His perfect Timing.
i thank God, cos He is teaching me how to love.
i thank God, cos He has blessed me with such a great spiritual family.
i thank God, cos He is God.
i thank God, cos at least His standards are much lenient, as compared to that of the world.
i thank God, cos in His dictionary, there is no relativity, there is no comparision, there is no More or Less.
**********************************************************************************

Point Of Grace \ You Will Never Walk Alone

Along life's road
There will be sunshine and rain
Roses and thorns, laughter and pain
And 'cross the miles
You will face mountains so steep
Deserts so long and valleys so deep
Sometimes the Journey's gentle
Sometimes the cold winds blow
But I want you to remember
I want you to know

You will never walk alone
As long as you have faith
Jesus will be right beside you all the way
You may feel you're far from home
But home is where He is
And he'll be there down every road
You will never walk alone
The path will wind

And you will find wonders and fears
Labors of love and a few falling tears
Across the years
There will be some twists and turns
Mistakes to make and lessons to learn
Sometimes the journey's gentle
Sometimes the cold winds blow
But I want you to remember where ever you may

Jesus knows your joy, Jesus knows your need
He will go the distance with you faithfully

--AbsoluteSApphire8--
11:26 PM

planet shakers ROCK!!!!!
Sunday, August 13, 2006//

oh man oh man..
when i first entered my church Hall 9.
i felt as if i have entered a wrong place.
the atmosphere & highest & crowd can be comparable to MAMBO at Zouk man!
haha.
but it was cool!
the concert is reali spendid!
i had great Fun & good way to vent all my bu-shuang-ness & anger & mood-swings.

i guess what God reali spoken to me for the entire night is this message.
"I am Big, and there is nothing that i cant do.
you dun believe in this, dun believe in the amount that i can do, bcos you have made Me too small."

indeed, this is so true.
your perception can open the door where God's ABUNDANCE blessing can flood you...and it can also close all doors & allow the devil to do a nasty work in you.

Dear God, pls help me to have a correct & real perception of who You are in my life.
pls help me to have the correct perception of myself in You.
speak to me clearly & make me acknowlege & not doubt & run away pls.
i am a coward. a big weak shit.
help me oh God.

--AbsoluteSApphire8--
10:55 AM

ARGHHHHHHHH
Thursday, August 10, 2006//

YOU STUPID DEVIL! GET OUT OF MY LIFE! STOP RUINING ME!!!!

argh.
prehaps this way works better.
cos i wanted to come here and curse & swear about the situation! about the ppl who are making me DAMNNNN angry & pissed. and then start hating myself over & over again.
NOW!
i want to curse & swear and ask the toooooopiiiiidddddddd ugllllyyyyy faaaatttttt ooollllddddddddddd SATAN to get OUT OF MY LIFE!
RIGHTTTTT NOW!!

LEAVE ME ALONE LA YOU IDIOT!!!

--AbsoluteSApphire8--
8:35 PM

Sunday, August 06, 2006//

sigh.
i tot i dun miss him so much already.
but i think sometimes, the lingering feelings are still there.
wei shen mo.
sigh.

--AbsoluteSApphire8--
10:54 PM

welcome back tang huiyi!
mindy & HY! pool session on sunday after service hurhur! set borrrrr!

hmm...i used to write emails to qiuru & of cos my dearest HY when she's in china.
haha...miss those times when i am so driven to read God's word.

i reali hope this time round, i will be able to be serious with Him again!
i seriously need to read His word constantlyyyyy man!
Mindyyyyy!!! let's get it started manssss!!!! :)
"no turning back...no turning back..." HAHA,
you have already boarded the pirate ship!

God is good.
indeed, He has relighted this Holy Fire in me.
i reali reali want to serve Him with all my heart, mind & soul.
to truly know who is my Master & my Mission.
Mate shall come later, not in my agenda yet!
i want to glorify God, to be like pastor Nina.
i reali want to entrust my everything to God.

BUT, firstly, i need to have a correct perception of who God is. who He truly is.
like what pastor Yo told me today...like what Miss.Gan used to tell me...perhaps, i need to make sure the God i have in mind, is the God who is sitted on the throne.
i should NEVER paint a picture of God ...a God of my own.

i need to resolve & find out all the root issues that has been hindering me & stopping me from receiving God's love.
jus like you mindy.
i always think that we are similar in oame ways, yet vvv different in some other ways.
haha...not sure if wat you are experiencing is wat i am experiencing. not sure if God wants to teach us similar things though.
but reali wanan let you know that everytime i prayed, i reali did pray for you.
reali hope tat there will be this 1 day. when both of us will be so fervently ON FIRE for God. we will be so secured in God's love & our identity in Christ.
to be in this world, and yet not of this world.
to be so in zeal to build our treasures in Heaven. haha...a gym for you will be nice ya? then i can go and visit your house gym in heaven...HAHA.
let God complete this marvelous work that He has for both of us mans!

work is good.
i found another 2 more colleagues from STMicroelectronics!!!
Aunnan who is pastor adrain gf used to be from HP device engineer, now she is like promoted to section manager liaos! FWAHHH.
she jus back from france for 3 mths training, and contracted for 1 yr now!
Jiahui who is Aunna's girl is HP Product engineer.
and me! the HP CVD shift engineer
COOOOLLLL, maybe that's the reason why God brought me to STMicroelectonics??

i reali want to make a decision. a NO MORE turning back decision, to make God my SOLE priority in my life.
at least, this is the 1st step i make.
a desire i want.
a step of faith i commit.
God, help me to fulfil this.

--AbsoluteSApphire8--
10:21 PM