start afresh, know God as the God He is. not the God whom we think He is...

God has a plan & timing for me to read this article.
Tuesday, November 28, 2006//

Overcome Loneliness
Whitney Hopler
Live It Editor

Sometimes it's good to be alone. But God never intends for you to be lonely. Periods of solitude can refresh you, but feelings of being isolated, unwanted, and unneeded will crush your spirit.
Jesus has promised to always be with you, and if you connect more to Him and other people, you can better sense His presence and relate to others in fulfilling ways.

Here are some ways you can overcome loneliness:

Look to God as your ultimate source of fulfillment. Don't expect to find true or lasting satisfaction in anything or anyone else - work, romantic relationships, etc.

If sin has alienated you from God and other people, seek forgiveness. Sins such as unbelief, hatred, and dishonesty can lead to loneliness. Confess your sins, repent of them, then embrace God's forgiveness and grace to do better. Humbly ask people you've hurt to forgive you, and be willing to forgive yourself. Live in the confidence of God's love for you.

If suffering has caused your loneliness, remember Jesus' promise to always be with you, and decide to trust Him to keep His promises and reveal Himself to you when you seek Him. Know that even when you don't understand why God has allowed you to experience suffering, He has a purpose for doing so that's rooted in wisdom and love. Remember that Jesus experienced much suffering on Earth to accomplish a greater purpose, so He understands what it's like to suffer. Openly and honestly express your feelings to Him, knowing that He genuinely cares.

If your position as a leader serving others has caused your loneliness, ask God to give you His perspective on your situation. Know that stressful circumstances usually seem worse than they truly are. Give up unrealistic expectations of people and allow them to be human, with imperfections. Don't magnify your own importance by trying to solve problems by yourself. Instead, rely on God's strength, and trust that He will enable you to do whatever He wants you to do.

If self-pity is at the root of your loneliness, take your focus off yourself and put it on God. Pray for God to act in your circumstances, then wait for His timing, eagerly anticipating Him to intervene in ways that are best.

If you're lonely due to sorrow, take your feelings to God, and ask Him to transform them into joy. For example, if a loved one has died, invite God into your grieving process. Rather than spending all your time remembering the person you cannot be with, wallowing in sorrow, start some new activities with confidence that God will use them positively in your life.

If stubbornness is at the root of your loneliness, decide to break free. Pray for the Holy Spirit to help you love God and others more. Don't carry grudges; whenever you become angry, deal with your feelings right then, in healthy ways. Accept the comfort the Holy Spirit offers you.

Be courageous! Don't be afraid to discover who you truly are, and relate to others on that basis. Take the risks necessary to building meaningful relationships and working with others as part of a team.

--AbsoluteSApphire8--
4:25 PM

my Creator King
//

a sleepless night.
aiyyyyyooo, WHYYYYY ...so kelian.

tml will be meeting my zhss bballers for dinner at XinWang restaurant beside heartland mall.reali nice ambience & food there!been so long since we last met up. to celebrate reali belated bday for Me, Candice & Ailin.
we have all grown up into working adults....the 6 of us. 6years have passed.
we used to be so close. bball bonded us. cheating during my exams bonded us. arguing being XL & rebellious in sch bonded us. our attitude & frdship with the guys bonded us.
it's amazing how frdship that once have been so close, will one day become so surfacial. but i thank God, cos no matter what, we are still making an effort to meet up.

and you know candice, that day when i received your sms to tel me that i was missed, i was so so touched. cos i was feeling reali empty, & your sms jus came at the right time. to let me know that this 17yr frd though whom seemed to have drifted away from my life, still remembers me :)

i saw sharon liu on msn & i remembers those hall days and uni days when we used to be so close.
to be able to share with her abt everything. when she is always around to minister, to share, to be very honest with me.
i miss the realness, simplicity & encouraging little sharon liu.
once she finish her pupilage exams, gotta ask her out mans.

was toking to my dearest junior, tng liling, on msn also...haha, missed those days when i hung out with her...calling her slacker.
she's a reali funny and nice frd.
though we made a deal to go out after her pprs...i wonder if that will come true mans, with her busy holiday schedule.

reading blogs aimlessly, none of them caught my eyes, unless i read candice last blog.
haha. so similar to me.
i rumbled on and on and on. tok about everything on the surface, except discussing & saying what is wrong, what is the issue, what is reali happening to us.
sometimes, i asked myself, izzit cos everyone is reading, that's why i refuse to be so transparent?
if i write in down in my diary, would things be different?
and i know the answer, nope.
prob i will say much deeper things already...but once again,i wont be totally transparent in my diary too.
i guess, i am jus too ashamed to write it down in words, to breathe it out to anyone. refuse to experience the torment to have to face it when reading the entries.

i guess, hiding is not a way out. i guess loneliness compacting loneliness only creates more loneliness with no way out.

1st time after so long, managed to tok to my dear punk, doctor zheng.
been a long long time since we last chatted.
though, the things we talked about can still be quite boliaos & superficial & not very constructive, but i guess tat's good enuff.
you are one of the few whom i can feel more engaged online.
frdship dun jus built overnight. if it can be done so, it doesnt even worth the effort in doing so, in sacrificing, in deliberately getting out of comfort zone.
the most vividly encounter with you was THE DAY i went to church, & u,me & hong qiaoyun went to TC octupus to eat dinner after svc.
once we sat down to eat our food, the first "greeting" i got was from you... "so how did the message speak to you?"
at that point of time, i reali feel like killing you lor.
i was so new to everything, that at that time,all i know was "christian must say the holy & right things, to answer back in perfect 10yr series answer"
frankly saying,i didnt reali process much from the sermon. if only i can answer you back,"no idea, no comments."
tat's how 1st impression last.

it's 2.12am & i am slowly getting a little tired.

window media player repeating this song from Don Moen "Creative King" for at least 15times.
haha, only tang huiyi will experience this...haha.
still remember that afternoon when you came over to E418 to do our Eli Lily powerpoint slide??
with my tao zhe "melody" playing at least 50times ...till you get fed up & commanded me to played some other songs.
HAHA...haha.. mANSSSSS, i missed those days tang huiyi!
oh mah......
why am i so "lian jiu".
not good not good.
always cannot let go of the past, unable to move on with life.

alrights zenia is busy packing her stuff, doctor zheng is offline.
haha, guess, i have to go back to my comfortable bed...to dream a little dream.

God, bless me with a good day.everyday.

--AbsoluteSApphire8--
2:07 AM

November 23, 2006
Encouragement for Today
Principle 1

“How to be Happy”
Rachel Olsen, Senior Editor Online Devotions, P31 Speaker and Author

Key Verse:

“Don’t worry about anything, instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.” Philippians 4:6 (NLT)

Devotion:

“Happy Thanksgiving!” people wish me repeatedly this week. Seems like everyone wishes for happiness. Everybody wants some. Everybody seeks it. Many people pretend to have it, yet few seem to truly possess it. Why is happiness so hard to find?

Pssst … lean in closer… I will whisper where to find it … the fourth chapter of Philippians. Look up and read verses six through thirteen, or read them below in the Power Verses section.

Notice in verse six, Paul gives three clear instructions for finding lasting contentment. He says:

1) not to worry

2) pray about everything

3) thank God for everything

What if today we took this instruction to heart and put it into practice? What if today we decided not to worry about anything? What if when we found ourselves worrying, we stopped and handed the situation over to God in prayer? What if we then thanked Him for taking care of the issue? In fact, what if we spent most of our mental free time today thinking about what good care our awesome God takes of us? What would happen then?

Paul says in verse seven, if we begin to live this way we will experience amazing peace – a kind of peace we can’t even imagine. This kind of peace is so powerful that it has a protective function on our hearts and minds – which only makes it easier and easier for us to stop worrying and be thankful. That sounds like a state of happiness to me!

In verse eight Paul elaborates on what to think about instead of our worries – whatever is good, true, honorable, pure, lovely, praise worthy, and right. Many things can fall into these categories, but Christ encompasses them all! This is not just “positive thinking,” this is spiritual thinking.

Further down in Philippians 4:10-13, Paul goes on to attest personally to the truth of this 3-step process as he writes from a Roman prison. From behind bars Paul says, “I’ve learned how to get along happily whether I have much or little … I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little" (Phil. 4:11-12). Did you catch that verb? Paul LEARNED how to be happy and content. It didn’t just happen once he reached his goals. In fact, he claims his ability to be happy had nothing at all to do with his circumstances, but rather his increased trust in Christ.

So happy contentedness is not something that comes once our waistlines have slimmed, our wrinkles are erased, our houses are clean and well furnished, our children are successful, our husbands dote on us, or our dreams are fulfilled. Instead it is learned as we become prayerful (verse 6) and thankful (verse 6), as we practice spiritual thinking (verse 8), and as we trust utterly in Christ (verse 13).

I can’t think of a better day to start practicing Paul’s process of prayer, thankfulness, and “spiritual thinking” than today. Happy Thanksgiving!

My Prayer for Today:

Dear Lord, I’m turning over all my fears and problems to You to handle today. I can’t fix a single thing by worrying about it - but you can fix anything because nothing is impossible for You! Thank You for my blessings, big and small. Thank You for Your loving care for me. Thank You for being in charge of my day. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
****************************************
Application Steps:

Get out your Bible and highlight Philippians 4:6-7. Memorize those two verses.

****************************************
Reflection Points:

Do I think about what is good, lovely, pure and right, or do I think about what is depressing, frustrating, unfair and wrong?

Does thankfulness characterize me?

Power Verses:

Phillipians 4:6-9, “Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. Keep putting into practice all you learned and received from me—everything you heard from me and saw me doing. Then the God of peace will be with you.” (NLT)

--AbsoluteSApphire8--
12:29 AM

an unexpected email.
Sunday, November 26, 2006//

this is what my BELOVED senior emailed me:

*************************************************************************************
"as long as you try, and you fail. it's oki."
tmd.. u nuts ah? it's NOT oki to try and fail and try and fail

it's only ok when after failure, you learn something out of it.. u grow
mentally, emotionally, spiritually or intellectually.. if it's just some
meaningless failures.. that only makes you a big time loser..

time to get a grip of yourself wor.. ur blog shows that you've not been a
very responsible person...
good things happen and its god's doing.. bad things happen and its your
doing.. wtf..

JC has his own job to do.. and he is doing it.. u leh? Stop using him as an
excuse for the (good n bad) things happening to you. take self credit for
the good things (eg: choosing to do the marathon walk).. and responsibility
for the not-so-gd things (eg: not being closed to your parents). Dun
everything push to JC and keep thanking him senselessly.
***********************************************************************************

i have to admit tat many times i thank Him, not bcos i reali reali AM very grateful.
jus that i want to choose to cultivate the habit of praising during my ups & downs.
it's true. many times, i should have given myself credit for many good things that i have done, and i know tat all along, i never affirm myself in this area.
i never give myself a pat on the shoulder or gently tell myself that "yanying,you have done a great job!"
and many times, like what you say beng,"i need to take responsibility" for my actions.
i NEVER take responsibility i have to agree. jus process it again and over again in my head, and never bother to reciprocate it into actions.
that's my biggest weakness.

you know, many times, i have become so tired, that everything i jus push it to JC.
cos He seems to be answer that answers all doubts, ambigularity etc.
and i know that it's doing me more harm.
JC made me a man. a smart chap. who knows how to process my tots..and finding the wisdom to know the fine line between "beyond our human understanding - faith.
& "taking everything for granted - bochap & procrastinate"

thanks for this gentle scolding. :)
haha, you will always be the 1 person who will be there to wake up this little mind of mine worz.

--AbsoluteSApphire8--
6:02 PM

Wednesday, November 22, 2006//

--AbsoluteSApphire8--
5:40 PM

find back the real me.
//

it's a great day.
i am feeling happy & satisfied when i am attempting things that i've never tried before.
i'm happy, bcos i am finding the real me gradually...
though, i failed, i fell, i gave up.
but i tried again & again.
i'm glad that i persevere.

like what eugene reminded me today,"he hates it when ppl gave up without even trying. as long as you try, and you fail. it's oki."

i thank God for such a nice colleague.
thank God for eugene, ester & xiaoping.
thank God for being these colleagues where by we are of the same type,same interest & frequency & passion.

i thank God that i'm taking leave on 2nd dec saturday.
i thank God that i'm able to take part in std char 10km, cos kelly's tribe sista needs to go for a wedding dinner.

sapphire miss the competitive nature.
not the competitiveness jus to beat others. but more importantly, to deal with myself, the greatest enemy.

i am slowly trying to get close to my parents once again.
learning, trying, enduring.

slowly trying to regain back the Faith that i used to have.
slowly trying to give up this stubborness,pridefulness & the "unable to face defeat & failure" nature.

i thank God, for who He is. for what He allows me to go through in this journey.

--AbsoluteSApphire8--
5:21 PM

Tuesday, November 21, 2006//

i have nothing to blog, nothing to update.

nothing to do right now. online and looking for someone for a good chat.
but no one in particular that reali makes me want to initiate a good chat.
without fail, francis who is happily having his engineer training in UK msn me.
as usual, he starts with his "yo!" or "harlow"
he's a nice guy, jus that he is too boring.
way tooooo boring for me.
not that i am very interesting, but bcos i am already so boring, i need a more interesting person to spice up my life.

supposed to meet up with my zhss frds tml night for dinner, but last min cancelled.
i could have told qy that i am free tml night le, cos mel asked if free for CG dinner on tues on sun, but i told her i couldnt make it cos of the gathering diner.
but i refused to tell them now.
dun know why, jus dun feel like meeting up with them.

alright, it's jus me.

i want to go italy.
i want to go see snow in some country.
i want to spend a white xmas.
who wants to pei me!
i want to stay in a cottage by the fire,warming myself up while it's snowing outside the windows.
to read a book, to have a good chat with someone, to jus laze and idle on the carpet fur.

xmas is coming.
another season of love.

feel like gog to cosy bay for a drink. but nobody's free.
haha, too many ppl caught up with work & studies.
am i reali so free???

refusal to accept is cowardy.
refusal to admit is to run away.
refusal to confront is to pretend.
refusal is not good.
it's hurting you. it's a silent killer.

i wish i can jus take some sleeping pills to sleep through 24/7 for a week.
then wake me up.
but too bad. we jus gotta wake up when the sun rises.

saw adele msn nick,"being busy helps"
yes. i wish i am busy. busier. busier-er.
to keep myself reali occupied. to my limits physically.
to numb.to stop.to prevent.to occupy.

--AbsoluteSApphire8--
12:06 AM

she aint heavy,she's my sister.
Wednesday, November 15, 2006//

--AbsoluteSApphire8--
12:47 PM

Tuesday, November 14, 2006//

today, i went to queensway shopping centre, IKEA then NUS.
went Open cell group in NUS.
it was great.

thanks to JuLEE for her sharing.
about Martha & Mary.

many times, i also wonder why God seems to be more pleased with Mary who totally bochap, zhuo-bo & laze at Jesus feet, as compared to the hardworking, obedient & submissive Martha who kept working & serving Jesus.
if i were Martha, i will definitely be as bitter. as angry. as bu-shuang.
and if i were Mary, after hearing Martha criticism on me, i think i will feel very stumbled, hurt & prob cry a river AGAIn.

until JuLee explained. & i realised something.
many times, we are jus too choked up & caught up & soaked with the current things & circumstances that we are experiencing.
we are so overwhelmed, so concentrated, so affected by the NOW-things, that we forgot the more fundamental role & task to be done.

yes. Jesus wants us to serve & be obedient. to have an outward manifestation. bcos it is good.
but wat Jesus reali reali desire,or rather we are doing, is for us to be jus there, at His feet, listening to Him, listening to His Word. to establish a relationship with Him.

a personal relationship with God is much more impt than jus doing.
a personal relationship with God is much more impt than the NOW-things that we are obsessed with, that we are having & possessing.

like what jason gan once shared with me truthfully.

backgrd of Mr.Jason Gan: he is a christian, at trinity. started the LoudHailer biz, currently working in Citibank. a very charasmatic, very attractive, ,pretty rich, man with very good personality, very capable Brudder-in-Christ. attached with ver & definitely very happy for them.

He told me,"though no doubt guys are very attracted to pretty girls. with good figure, with big boobs, with these and that. but once again, to put it very blunty, these are things that wont last. someday down the road, after 10yrs or so, these boobs are going to sag. what is attractive about that girl, will be her character. the WHO she reali is."

jus like what i shared with Kelly today.
it is how true.
this brudder-In-Christ of mine even admitted such great temptations. but it's reali very encouraging, when they are not going after what the world is going after.
to know the prize of going after the World & the world.

wat Julee shared today also struck me totally,"sometimes the things that are good may not be the best."

--AbsoluteSApphire8--
11:43 PM

i jus have to try.
Monday, November 13, 2006//

HISTORY MAKERS!
i thank God for such an experience. though me, darly & alvin gave up after 62km and timonty & eejay after 70Km, but i reali wanna give us guys a pat on the shoulders. it's not as easy as i tot it will be.
i thank God for the Rain in the afternoon cos it reali helps. cooling. breeze. no dehydration due to the hot hot sun. though the rain makes the walking condition, our shoes, our legs walk & pain badly with blisters. but i still thank God.

jus i am wondering if i will meet anyone in town in this stupid looking state. there you are, miss mindy. haha.
i think i am just too SUAY.

it's a good & i must rather torturous walking journey.
feel like dyyyyyiinnnggg, feel like giving up.
feel like crying, but i fought my tears back.

but i thank God. for He has pushed me beyond my possible limits. to reach thus far.
i walked past bukit timah, and remember the past when i went to jeannette hse to pick up those sweaters. and my aust trip.
i walked past NUS west coast road, and remember how sapphire used to be...surprisingly, God reminded the cheerful, enthusiastic & full of faith sapphire 2 yrs back.
i walked past orchard road, and remembered the loneliness i felt when i was all alone roaming by the streets with the sparkling lights, those xmas decoration.
i walked past indoor stadium, esplanage, and remembered the great leaders' retreat we had. the bday celebration there, the fireworks, the late night talking which we had in the kitchen with stupid angel jumping around like a retarded kid..haha.

i thank God for these 4 brothers. i thank God for meeting daryl. i thank God that he is so happily married and a baby to be delivered nx yr!
i thank God, for these 4 brothers have brought me more down to earth.
for they do not go after the lights of this world, do not go after the rewards & satisfaction of this world.
with a simple heart and mind. they are who they truly are. they do not bother about the looks and way ppl think of them.
all they want to do, is to be the WHO God wants them to be.
with a simple heart and mind.

to be frank, yday sermon didnt reali spoke to me much, but i still cried.
sapphire cried, bcos to much things have been bottled inside. and i need to relieve myself.
at the end of service, i tot God,"do not hardened my heart."
and indeed,He brought qy to pray for me, not to have a hardened heart.
and jus as i tot i could stop crying, until when i saw karen with tears & i uttered a "jiayou" to her, suddenly, i jus felt like crying a-g-a-i-n.
so immediately, i decided to walk away to hide those tears from the ppl.

after cg, qy told me to stay back for a while, cos she wants to tok to me.
as usual, tears again.
then pastor came along. more tears.
even right now, tears are starting to blur this vision.

after yday, finally i realise why i am choosing to be alone.
cos i dun want to show to ppl that i am weak.
if you realise miss.Hy, i haf avoiding you a little.
ha, like what qy says,"we are both too stubborn, and refuse to let ppl see our weak side"
i know that in front of you, i will simply break down into million pieces.
jus like why i refuse to meet qy for so long, kept finding excuses.
bcos i know, sapphire will be too weak in front of her.

still not prepared to open up yet, though i know qy wants me to meet her next week.
i did tell qy, though i am not reali in a good shape, but i thank God cos i know that i am not exactly backsliding in a way.
at least i am still reflecting, still pushing and encouraging myself to go to Him full of faith, after i fall again & again.
always trying to meet up with christians to keep myself in check, still bothers to check up my fellows sisters & brudders abt their lives & keeping them in prayers.

like what qy says,"i jus need a good good cry."
yes.i reali need it.
but i have yet done that.
though, i reali cried like hell yday, i know it's not enuff.
i could have cried much more, much longer. much more. deeper.

but i thank God, cos i know the fact that i am able to cry like this even right now.
with the pain that i am feeling. i know that God has reali softened my heart since yday.

cry baby.

with this song frankie jay - dun wanna try - playing again and again repeated mode.. in the background.
with the Rain outside.

sapphire needs to stand up once again.
to have a new start.
to truly believe faithfully in Him.

--AbsoluteSApphire8--
3:31 PM

i am more than a conqueror.
Thursday, November 09, 2006//

Sembawang to Kranji War Memorial = 10.4KM
Kranji War Memorial to Bukit Batok Nature Park = 10.3KM
Bukit Batok Nature Park to Kent Ridge Park Carpark = 16.45KM
Kent Ridge Park Carpark to Delta Sports Hall = 7.4KM
Delta Sports Hall to Singapore Indoor Stadium = 12.0KM
Singapore Indoor Stadium to Bedok Reservior Park = 12.25KM
Bedok Reservior Park to Serangoon Secondary School = 12.15KM
Serangoon Secondary School to Seletar Camp Gate = 6.5KM
Seletar Camp Gate to Sembawang = 14.9KM

--AbsoluteSApphire8--
10:38 AM

-books-
Wednesday, November 08, 2006//

sapphire never tot she will feel lonely too.
surprise surprise surprise.

thanks kelly for being there to listen to me, for not judging the ugly side of me.
it's ironic how i can open up to you, though not totally.
but i thank God for bringing me to ME...hmmm, i see the reason why He put me in the midst of the engin-FCBCians.

hope the outing tml will be good. fulfiling. personalising.
walking alone on the streets can be reali personalised. but it can be extremely lonely too.
but i do enjoy the privacy that i cant let go.

finally, i realise why i cant love and why i chose not to love.
rejections. fear of getting hurt.
so to prevent myself from getting injured. i rather not love.
cos i dun want to face disappointment.
and when i get injured, my heart hardened more.
i rejected loving. i shunt and ran away.
i felt like a fool.

love encompasses not jus plainly BGR.it's much more than that.

taking leave on fri & sat. so basicaly this week only work 1 day.
shiok.

bought a ray ban sunglass. nice. love it.

went AMK lib to borrow 2 books to read.
disappointed that all my sandra brown books are taken!!
but, glad that 1 found some reali nice books :)
reading is such an enjoying sport.
haha. i miss reading. reading those books that can totally encapsulate me into the dreamworld.
and best still, with my popcorns. jus like a movie.
oh ya, toking about the movies.
man. so many shows that i want to watch. money, where are you...drop down from heaven!PLEASE.

there is no right or wrong.

--AbsoluteSApphire8--
12:44 AM