start afresh, know God as the God He is. not the God whom we think He is...

--->because You love me.<---
Tuesday, September 27, 2005//

For all those times you stood by me
For all the truth that you made me see
For all the joy you brought to my life
For all the wrong that you made right
For every dream you made come true
For all the love I found in you
I’ll be forever thankful baby
You’re the one who held me up
Never let me fall
You’re the one who saw me through through it all

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn’t speak
You were my eyes when I couldn’t see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn’t reach
You gave me faith ’coz you believed
I’m everything I am
Because you loved me

You gave me wings and made me fly
You touched my hand I could touch the sky
I lost my faith, you gave it back to me
You said no star was out of reach
You stood by me and I stood tall
I had your love I had it all
I’m grateful for each day you gave me
Maybe I don’t know that much
But I know this much is true
I was blessed because I was loved by you

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn’t speak
You were my eyes when I couldn’t see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn’t reach
You gave me faith ’coz you believed
I’m everything I am
Because you loved me

You were always there for me
The tender wind that carried me
A light in the dark shining your love into my life
You’ve been my inspiration
Through the lies you were the truth
My world is a better place because of you

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn’t speak
You were my eyes when I couldn’t see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn’t reach
You gave me faith ’coz you believed
I’m everything I am
Because you loved me

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn’t speak
You were my eyes when I couldn’t see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn’t reach
You gave me faith ’coz you believed
I’m everything I am
Because you loved me

I’m everything I am
Because you loved me

********************************************************************

sapphire has got soooo much things to do. let me repeat again...haha..yes! so much things to do.
i seriously dun know whats wrong with me.
lost the drive and motivation, seriously doesnt feel as stressed as i should be, or rather i used to do.
have i mastered the skill of letting go and let God? or am i jus burnt out le...haha
i dun know.
but i do believe that i haf seriously come to a point to look beyond my grades and the temporal stuff in this world bah.
tired. been a long 6 months...many things happen. nobody knows it but me! haha...i love this song =)
only God knows the stuggle that i have been facing.
and i am glad, He spoke to me clearly on fri, on sat, on sun.
haha...it's good to cry after soooo long.
it's never good to bottle up for too long =)
glad that He has brought me closer to him once again.
Paul as zai as MVP. MVP like michael Jordan even count it all loss for Christ even though he gained so much.
{Ritual, race, religion and records. he had them all.)
but what good will a person gain if he lost his soul?
true that i indeed haf a lot of things to do. super stressed. yes i am.
but yet i cant be bothered.
there are things in these world that i should be more concerned with.
my friends. those who are hurt, those who have slided away from God, those who need you to be there, to show love for her, spend time with them, to reach out to them, my family....they need me around as well, i should be more dedicated to spend time to pray for the ppl who need them, then plan studying.
sounds perfect? yes it is.
learning. still learning.
but i know after that sat in church..haha...wake up le man!
a bit bahh...
man dont get transformed overnight. you know too =)
we are alllllllllll but human.

last year in NUS le..jus wanan take things slowly, wanan make full use of this last yr to do something not for myself, but for Him.
i dun want to look back and say,"all i realli spend time on in this 4 years is studies."
when i get cremate on that day. the certificate. i cant bring it along with me. it doesnt last.
it's the soul and people and hearts that you have loved and touched that matters.
but all these needs effort. most importantly time.
do you have it?
do i have it?
not always. but we need to try.

--AbsoluteSApphire8--
6:40 PM

my MNO project! thank God for such good project mates!!
Thursday, September 22, 2005//

i wanted to get a MNO tutorial with weiling and jeff, so that we can do the project together...but then when we all got into the same tut class, then we realised! this semester, they decided to randomly allocated members...BLEAH!!
so...i got into this group! but God is superb! He is damn good to me. my group is super duper "high performing" man!
efficient, motivated and...man! it's one of the best group i have EVER EVER worked with man!

and ya, the guy above is one of the project mate! =)
He has been a very good "supporter" to me all these while! from Chem engin year 3...haha...everytime when i feel damn stressed, he will confirm affirm me with ,"AI ZAI! AI ZAI!!!"
haha..thank God that he's a believer too...been very encouraging abt the things that he shared with me too...
about balancing our life, our purpose...sch and ministry and time with him...
thank God that even through MNO, He still remembers to bring a Brother-in-Christ to minister to me....

--AbsoluteSApphire8--
10:31 PM

a tHoUsanD woRDs cOUldnt EXpreSs tHe thankFuLnEsS iN me...
Wednesday, September 14, 2005//

today, i checked my singnet email and saw this lovely mail! =)
it was from my secondary school teacher, Mr.Macdonald!!
i was so shocked man..he actually remember my birthday!
He was a great great teacher, realli let me see that "results and studies" is not what life is ALL about.
and i remember his favourite line that he always remind me, my class... "Be nice to people"..
man i miss him so much!
still remember the time when we(me, cheryl and ailin) gotta ask him for help to help ailin get back her cds from the stupid tan su lan!
and remember the times when he always encourages,motivates and wishes us good luck for each bball match.
the time when i told him...about who i like in secondary school..ya..i guess he knew it's mr.W...but then he was there with me, to show me care and concern..haha...when he understands the "downs" that i was experiencing at that time.
he was always there...when we had heart to heart tok.
he is jus so understanding..
the outings we had at suntec together with him, at his house during New year's day...at the cirque du soleil....everything man! when we walk back home together from school..
MAN! He's such a good teacher, mentor and friend to me.
the times when we were caught playing traunt and cheating and etc etc...he was there.
not to reprimand us, but to show care and concern.
He is Mr.Macdonalds. my lovely teacher who has touched my life. deeply.

************************************************************************************

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

hope all is well and you had a truly magical day. i was thinking of you.

be well

mr mac

************************************************************************************

--AbsoluteSApphire8--
8:17 PM

whEEeeeeeeEeeee!!!!
//

--AbsoluteSApphire8--
8:03 PM

sAPphIRe Do NoT need TO bE surpRised to APpreCiaTE "sUrprISEs"!
Monday, September 12, 2005//

haha...qiaoyun got me a lovely cake and brownies! haha..though she didnt got to "surprise" me..damn lousy! haha..cos i saw her trying to light the candles some where near my room when i was "hopping" across to weiling's room!! qiute damn shocked when i saw her there! cos i jus woke up...was super duper "seh" still! =)
but then seriously appreciate her efforts a lot!!! damn touched man!!! =) dun know why...when i saw her..kindda miss her a lot man!like very long never see her le! =)
a lovely God-sent friend to me!

haha...and yea! candice too! =)
haha...damn suay....1/9 chances...and it hit huiyi...and i was like sitting beside her..
haha, cos candice planned a surprise birthday celebration for me at the dnd. she left the cake with the hotel waitresses so that at the end of the show, they can give me a surprise cake plus a lovely hairpee birthday song!
and stupidly..the waitress asked huiyi,"there's someone having birthday today right? then what should we do with the cake!!"
MADNESS! haha...i think huiyi nearly "flipped!" and i guess candice is like "fuming" and "cursing" deep down inside her!
haha..but then, i guess though it's not that surprising anymore! but it doesnt matter!
cos i seriously still appreciate the whole arrangement! touched si le ah! =)
basically! haha...though the surprises didnt turn up well! =)
but then...still! SAPPHIRE REALLI APPRECIATE IT A LOT!
thankssssssssssssssssssssssssssss!

and ya! haha, it was a lucky 22nd bday for me! if you read my previous blog..i mentioned about the lucky draw thingy!
guess what!
i won the 4th prize! worth so $170 spa at beauty wellness i thinK!
but..haha, mel is going to help me sell that!
and i will spilt the cost with her 50% 50%...
hmm...those who knows what happen to the "crop up" issue..haha..this was the final settlement!
cos mel jus refuseeeeeeessss to accept the voucher! =)
so..decided to enmploy her as my "ticket agent"! she sells it and she got the 50% commission!
luckily! after debating for like 30mins..she FINALLY AGREEE!! PHWEEEEEE! =)

--AbsoluteSApphire8--
12:19 AM

The MosT FuN DnD I hAve EVeR beEn beFoRE!!! =)
//

for more photos! refer to the flick! =) haha...lovely photos!

--AbsoluteSApphire8--
12:00 AM

haahaa....DamN cool ZheNGHuAN & SHanTi aUntieeEEE!!!
Saturday, September 10, 2005//

--AbsoluteSApphire8--
2:51 AM

BIMBOticS pHotos...haha...IT's gOod tO bE yOuNg! =)
//

--AbsoluteSApphire8--
2:46 AM

happy 22nd biRtHdAy sApPHiRE!
//

--AbsoluteSApphire8--
2:38 AM

lOVeLy suRpRiSe from LL and PSyo at 12.25am!! =)
Friday, September 09, 2005//

--AbsoluteSApphire8--
9:32 AM

PhOTos IN ibN! =)
Thursday, September 08, 2005//

--AbsoluteSApphire8--
2:29 PM

the sky, moon and stars in the Heaven...bEauTiFUl!
//

sapphire is at IBN now.
haha..fyp is always full with waiting time, so typical me decided to make use of this time to update my blog and update my dear frds about my life.

sat is coming!which means...DND is coming too!
have to admit that at first Sapphire was very very sianz about it...but then now, haha..feeling more excited le ba..cos at least there's a theme now!
gonna wear as drags...er...haha..yes! guess we girls in e4 are just xcited being able to wear like man haha..for once in our life! to act cool, stylo and MAN! =)
haha...
hmm...thinking if i should wear as a punk or a smartly-dressed dude?
anyway, shall see how again..maybe will decide on fri or sat bah =)
borrowed black pants from quiru and steph...hmm...and got a green pants from joanna too!
lets see...which one will sapphire look better in!
bleah!

went home yesterday for tuition and had dinner at home too!
finally...i had a chance to tok to my student's mummy. i told her frankly that i couldnt afford the time and is unable to commit fully to her daughter, so i suggested her getting another tutor for her for this 1.5 month before her exam! so that she will have more intensive tuition...
not sure yet, the mother will call up wendy to ask her if she can replaced me (cos the student was wendy's ex-tutee)
if not...either i will recommend cheryl to replace me or maybe one of my church guy frds who graduated le! =)

but all in all..i am happy to finally being able to tok to the student's mummy about my inner thoughts and feelings! thank GOD!

this friday, sapphire will be having tuition in the evening..haha..but then pinky! rest assured! i will be back in hall by 12am to celebrate my bday de! =)
somehow..haha..birthday doesnt seem to be a surprise anymore! haha =)
anyway, hope your head doesnt hurt sooOOOOOOOooo much le!
sorry man, never pack bf for you these few days cos got early morning lesson =)
so pai sei!! you gotta bear with the "symphony" in your stomach le =)

so ya...sat morning got tuition too! so afternoon come back will rest and start preparing for DND le! =)
hmm....guess sapphire bday will just be another "photo taking" session once again! =)
hopefully, i will win some luckydraw too!!!
haha..then it will be lucky 22nd bday for sapphire le! =)

anyway...maybe you might wonder why this nick???
cos..i guess everytime when i am in IBN, i will just miss the night scenary...cos this place is jus so boring...machines, air con, ppl in their "astronauts" suit, wafers, experiments sample etc...

the night scenary....imagine when the whole sky is filled with stars..twinkle twinkle little stars...haha..beautiful!
i always think that the night time is always so personalised...like very engaged with the outer space...outer dimensions and universal!
fly me to the moon...and will i see another "virtual earth" there?
fly me to the stars...and will they be as attractive and inviting as they seem to be?
fly me to the sky...and enveloped me in my Father's Arm.

as much as i long to meet Him face-to-face, there's definitely some fears in me.
fear of being reprimanded...for being still so sinful...
fear of being rejected...cos i dun think i have done much for Him with this temporal life that He has given me...
fear of not being praised...cos sapphire (have to admit) has a certain expectation and pride in me ...

though i know the perfect answers to these fears,but then...knowing the answers in your mind is one thing, whether you are convinced, convicted and know it deep in your heart is yet another thing.
many times, i have to admit, most of the believers know the correct 10 year series answer and solution to a lot of things.
but i believe deep down in our heart, we know that's jus facts. facts. and facts.
pre-believers might not even believe that we do have struggles, in fact, we will definitely have more struggles, greater temptations and trials to overcome. and just like the lyrics of the song "In Christ Alone" ..." in every victory, let it be said of me, my source of Strength, my source of Hope is Christ Alone."

it's the Grace of God that has brought us through the "slummy" period of our lives.
it is the Strength of God that enables us to fight and battle with the worldly temptations.
everyday is a tough learning process...yet exciting to see what God has in Plan for us.
we struggle to accept others...as much as we struggle to accept who we really are as well.
we struggle to find love for the ppl around us when we dun even have enough love for God.
we struggle with alot of issues...and i believe, many times, we will not even share it with anyone...maybe we never even told God..but let me tell you...He knows them all.
that's the most beautiful thing in this relationship with Him.
you can be silent, you can pretend that everything's fine, you can deceive yourself and learn a thousand ways to cheer yourself up...
but do you know if you are realli okie?
only God knows.
that's why i know that i will never want to leave Him.
that's my prayer. To Love Him more and more each day.

--AbsoluteSApphire8--
11:00 AM

engin bridge. tuesday afternoon....
Tuesday, September 06, 2005//

sapphire1 said,"harlow saphhire!so free ah?no class sit here??"
saphhire2 answered,"haha...not free lah...very sianz mah! so came here early to pei my friend kelly to sit! =) and catch up...life's too busy! cannot every minute every second keep thinking of ways to max efficiency lah! sometimes, you jus gonna pull up the handbrake and have a brake. before you realli break you know sapphire1!"
sapphire1,"hmm...true! haha...what good will a man have if he has the whiole world but lost his soul? 1Corinthians 3:10-15. let's strive to look and work towards eternal issue and not temporal issue!"

--AbsoluteSApphire8--
1:55 PM

God is Good!
Sunday, September 04, 2005//

hmmm...Sapphire is doing something exciting for God! =)
haha..but then cannot revealed yet!
He just prompted me and led me in this whole thinggy! =)
gave me a new relevation! =)
haha..everything jus fall nicely into place!
jus wanan do my best!
the results doesnt matter! =)
haha...

i love Him!!!! -AMEN-

--AbsoluteSApphire8--
10:16 PM

deMANding xpeCtAtiON! i am not superwoman!
Thursday, September 01, 2005//

man...i am in the clean room lab now. another small compartment room...where you can develop stuff like photos =)
err...and a UV ray machine..haha..but dun worry! i am safe...wont be overexposed to UV raysssss =)

now i am trying to remove the aluminium layer on my substrate by using some al etching solution which is rather acidic.. *scared scared*

today morning i went to the "vanity fair" at forum!
spend like $52 in total..bought lip gloss, eye shadow and moisturer cream..
went with weiling and ver =)
good gathering! haha...and we had breakfast together at comm hall with shanti auntie, jeremy and ah-ken too! =)

sianz...spend $63 for registering the fridge in the morning...arghh!! money not enuff man!!! so...today i spend like $120!!
gotta rob a bank liao le man!

sigh...so many things to do !
so many readings, webcast, things to catch up...yet so little time..sianz.
NOPE!!! shant focus on all these temporal issues in my life.
i will just do my very best in the things that i need to do.
shall not be afraid, shall not be stressed.
i do not need to excel in all things to be successful, to be useful, to be happy.
even if i have all the best things in the world, i will still not be happy and will continue to have fear of losing them...to want to achieve more much! more stress...less time for the ppl i love! =)

this sat morning 830am-1pm, i will be going to help out at some adult camp at townsville sec sch near dover... =)
i will be going with angel! will pair up with her..
actually i got tuition at this time...but decided to postpone it to sunday afternoon instead...which means i will have less time to be at home, to teach my brother, to study etc...man...actually i wanted to tell angel that i dun want to go..
but seriously. i do not know why. when she ask, i jus oki. then i sms the mother and see if she's okie with the new time arrangement.
i guess God realli prompted me to let go and jus go and serve.
frankly saying, i have never been so clear cut with decisions...and was quite stunned by my prompt reply.
i know tat i want to go, yet i am scare to go..cos i simply got too much things to do and yet..i seriously DO NOT HAVE TIME TO FINISH ALL!
but i believe, i will never regret serving, never regret going de! =)

hmm..my birthday is coming...and i am actually feeling quite stressed...
so many ppl wants to celebrate for me..
e4 girls on DnD night, zhss friends, church cg, family and maybe some outside frds or engine frds...
sigh..i can totally see the amount of time that i am going to spend..
alright...we shall see how it goes..
actually, i only want a very simple birthday.
only want a simple gathering with my zhss frds...simple place to just eat and drink and tok cock!!! no need nice and expensive food. A day to eat nice home cooked food with my family too. that's all i ask for.
haha..Sapphire is jus a simple. and ya..you are right! I AM A BORING PERSON! bleah~~ too bad! God makes me a boring person, to better contrast you guys as the happening batch of creatures!

haha...all in all..i jus dun want to think about anything. dun want to think of the amount of things i gotta do. the amount of time i have. the numerous project and meeting that i need to do and conduct...
the burden that i need to carry esp when i am back home.
dun want to think of the time constraint and time committment.
it only makes me MORE and MOREEEE stress!

but can i don't bother about it totally?
nah...its impossible! definitely. we are only human.
but then i believe, in the midst of all these things, the only 1 thing that can make me perhaps different or to even have an easier life and defintiely HAPPIER AND REJOICING life..is to surrender.
jus hand everything to God and believe He will settle it. His Grace is always so sufficient for me. He made me. He chose me. There's simply no reason why He will forsake me when He has made and sacrificed so much just for me.
i believe in His sovereignity. His absolute wisdom to bring me through. His perfect timing and plan for me.

He is just so Holy. so Perfect. beyond any description. This is the Man in my life. He is Christ Jesus.

--AbsoluteSApphire8--
12:42 PM