-_-
Saturday, October 28, 2006//

jasmine my colleague told me,"i'm afraid to go normal shift cos i am scared to let ppl know how lousy i am. to say "ohh...yuan lai jasmine zhi shi zhe yang er yi ah...""
very true,chatted with her quite abit at xingwan cha chan ting.it was a good time.
and i guess fear, pride & cowardy have been over shadowing both of us.
but i thank God that she is gog to normal shift.
and i was surprised when she popped up this statement,"i think this job doesnt suit you. i think you will leave within 2 yrs."
i was shocked, b/f i was thinking about this qn for the entire 1 week.
if this is reali what i want in life, if this is reali what God wants me to go.
i have no answer yet.unless i hear clearly from God to move on, then i will obey.

i was very hurt when i wanted to make a decision.
when my operator challenged me and said,"engineer ABC never do that."
yap. maybe he never do that. but doesnt mean that i cant do that.
the very rebellious side of me wanted to jus blurt out and say"then you go to his shift, so ask boss to change your engineer"
but i wasnt angry la.jus feel very suffocated.
cos i am new, and i am living in the shadows of others.
i am like an engineer. trying to the exact norm thingy that all engineers are doing.

but i thank God. cos he's reali teaching my a lot of things patiently.

francis asked me to go for a movie.
but i didnt go. cos i had work on sat.
was i disappointed? er nope. haha. i will never get tempted,jus not me.
especially when i am enjoying so much of the feeling of being MIA.
i reali reali want to jus fly to the moon and disappear and be alone.

been watching "GONG" the korean show.
i love it.
i love this kind of love story.
haha...when foes fall madly, deeply in love...perhaps i am still living in deception.
perhaps i am still very naive.
but somehow,this kind of love seems and feels sweeter.

spent a total of $200 in 2 days.haha. all on spa and massage. cos too shagged le. total waste of $ but no choice. sapphire need to pamper herself.

happy bday candice. :) hope you like the little surprise i did for you.
hope you are enjoying these little love of mine :)
especially i cant pack bf for you anymore liaos.

who am i and whose am i?
easy. in fact, when i saw the sms the answer popped up in my head immediately. "i am a child of God. i belong to God."
ha, perhaps i am already too "brainwashed" of these theories le.
but do i reali buy it?believe it?
actually i do. i reali know & am very convicted that i belong to God. this is for sure.
but, i am a child of God.
i think this is more of a head knowledge. cos if i am reali very convinced by it. i would have been very much transformed. i would have felt like a conqueror.
but i didnt.

living in the past. am i still dwelling in those past?
yes i am. but better? definitely.

sometimes, i reali cannot stand hypocrites christians. and wonder why are they wearing that cross around their neck, why are they going to church, why are they calling themselves christians?
but before i judge and question them,i realise.
i am too, a very reali imperfect christian.
wearing that cross around my neck.
proclaiming to ppl about my value. about my faith. about God.


my mood now?
hmmm. Actually i am feeling pretty ok.
jus probably empty.
an absolute citron waiting to be filled. not with vodka. but pls more of the Holy Spirit.
i feel like a clown. tired of wearing that thick white powder make up. i wish ppl can forgive & understand that i am reali not as good as they think i am.
i wish i am fairy Godmother. to turn myself into anyone i want, to create my life story like the way i want it to be.
i desire the childlikeness of a child. to be contented with the very little things that God has blessed me with.


--AbsoluteSApphire8--
11:48 PM





Tuesday, October 17, 2006//
pinky, congrats :)
hope to meet u up soonz too with the rest too!
hope everything is going well & fine for you ya?
drop me an email la, when you are free...haha, that's a pretty good way to keep in contact!

it's been a long long time since i last blog & check my email & etc etc.
wasnt feeling well, so visited a doctor on sunday morning before service!
but glad that finally God brought me there....else, i will simply be too bochap & stubborn to go check it out what exactly is WRONG!

coming week, will be another night shift! wed-sat.
GOD SUSTAIN ME MAN. sapphire is weak. only You can make me strong.

actually, i think i am getting a little tired, and that's why i have kinda stop "over-processing" the stuffss in my head.
haha, and i think that's good.
sometimes, i simply think too much. too much for my own good.

hmmm. maybe some of you are concerned with my life now. not that i dun want to update it. but i reali dun know what to update.
basically, i think i am enjoying the "loner" lifestyle now.

i enjoy that feeling of wearing my shades, nike jacket & my sling bag...and start roaming around aimlessly without anyone noticing me.
without bothering about what ppl will think of me. or perhaps i am so nonchalent, bcos of my tiredness.
that's what i did on sunday morning.
after my work, i took a bath at home,hop into my jeans,white top & nike jacket.
with a shade, i went to bishan to give myself a good good breakfast & lunch treat, followed by a doctor consultation.
to be frank, i was totally SHAG by the time i reached home & ate my dinner.
it's been like >24hrs since i last slept.
but interstingly, i was still quite high. that's what Laifong said too.

during my off days, usually, i will spent the whole entire morning till afternoon doing some ALONE stuff, but i am enjoying the serenity that i have experiencing.

then perhaps, will go out with parents or friends depending on my mood.
but most of the time, the baking tempt out there simpy entices me to stay at home.
to ON my aircon & enjoy the shows etc.

tuesday, thinking whether to go to NUS for open cell.
still contemplating.
not that i dun want to go, but jus feel like nua-ing through the night with my TV shows.

some may think i am boring.
off days dun want to go out?? dun want to go shopping?? dun want to go enjoy yourself & catch a movie??
com'on!! your life is TOO boring la! get a life man!!!!!!!

haha, but then, i cant be bothered.
i dun want to live a life seemingly like it's REALI happening, to "show" to others, to benchmark myself as the "trendy" punks out there.
cos ultimately, i know that this is not my i reali want & enjoy at this moment.
not that Sapphire dun enjoy, but not at this moment of time.
:)
not in the mood.

but there are times when i drove my way to J8 at night to go window shopping alone too!!! i love hanging out in the night, to do some NOT TOO TIRING stuff pls.
sapphire is old & weak shit now.
no more stamina liaos... BLEAH!

and ya~i enjoy the time when i stayed in the "life" bookshop and enjoy those music :)

dun get me wrong, if you want to date me, i will definitely FENG PEI!
haha. i am not that AS (anti-social) la. hmmm........


--AbsoluteSApphire8--
3:09 PM




W.A.I.T
//
this is a blog entry that i extracted from a magnificient mummy's blog :)
haha, and i tot it's reali interesting....

http://magnificentmom.blogspot.com/2006/09/waiting_19.html

W...a...i...t...i...n...g....


WHAT'S WRONG WITH WAITING ? ? ?

Do you realise: People just can't wait?

In traffic jams, drivers are impatient and change lanes hoping to outsmart the other vehicles (except motorcyclists!).

In supermarket queues, customers are irritated when the cashier encounters a hiccup. And somehow, we all suffer from the "Born Loser" syndrome --- we always seem to be in the slowest moving line!

When friends are late for a date, we start to be anxious. Yet when they appear, we get angry instead of feeling relieved they are well and alive!

How come?

I think we need to learn THE WISDOM OF WAITING.

Waiting is a time of silence and space.
We have made it a time of stress!

Waiting is a time to renew our strength and our sanity.
We have made it a time for rage and anger, intolerance and impatience.

Waiting is a time to persevere and perceive people and situations in a different light.
We have made it a time for destructive and negative thoughts --- we give up and quit!

So....let's learn to wait....WHY NOT ? ? ?


--AbsoluteSApphire8--
3:04 PM




purpose.
Wednesday, October 11, 2006//

sapphire life is getting a little more eventful.
and i have happyyyy!
18/12/06 come quick mans!

met up with ester & xiaoping (my 2 orientation mates from STMicroelectronics) for coffee bean on monday, it was a great gathering.
looking forward to 4/11/06!! our another happening outing. HAHA.

30/10 - 31/10 chalet with my colleagues prob followed up with a night cycling.
HMMMM. but 30/10 monday i need to cover shift. let sapphire consider again if i can still find strength to go for the chalet BBQ & night cycling mans.

been reading this book,"Man in the Mirror"
it's a great book.
God has been speaking to me subtlely here and there.

i wish i no need to work EVERYYYYYYDAYYY. then i can have a life of my own EVERYYYYDAYYYY. but too bad! cos God wants sapphire to max her talent for His glory.
how can this Light simply hide at home to shine for herself?!?!!?!?
com'on. needa go out! go out! OUT OUT OUT! yeah!
to shineeeeeeeeeeee for the world out there!

*alright.sapphire's gog bonkers.*

what is the diff betw a goal and a purpose?
purposes are threads of continuity that we weave into the longterm view of our lives.
goals come and go, but purposes survive, they pertain to the why we exist part of our lives

goals are what we do. purposes are why we do what we do.

God's eternal purpose for us is to enjoy Him forever.
God's universal earthly purpose for us is to glorify Him.

what is your written life purpose statement?
as for me, this is wat i mentioned previously.
i want to do things out of love. True transformation bcos of Christ in me.

do you enjoy setting and meeting goals?
do you encounter the many times when you felt a deep sense of personal satisfaction when you finally reached your goal? but only after a few weeks, to find such novelty wore off?

have you ever foght reali hard for a day, only to sit on your sofa, dazing into the Tv screen, and wonder what's the purpose behind all these?


--AbsoluteSApphire8--
2:56 PM




1st defining moments
Tuesday, October 10, 2006//



looking forward to this BIG event.

A hero is an ordinary individual who finds the strength to persevere and endure in spite of overwhelming obstacles. - Christopher Reeve


i am resolved. this is the motto of my life now.
"everything you do. do it out of love."

struggling. yes i am.
but i know "i can do all things thr Christ who strengthens me."


--AbsoluteSApphire8--
2:47 PM




God creates Food. for a reason. HAHA.
//






--AbsoluteSApphire8--
2:30 PM




never too heavy to carry.
Sunday, October 08, 2006//
hey mindy!
nice chat today,though didnt get a lot of time to reali tok about everything & anything under the sun. but i tot it's a good chat & catch up.
it feels like its been a L-O-N-G long time since i last spoke to you besides those quick "hi" & "bye"sss which we exchanged flippantly during service.

hope to catch up with you more mans SOON.
but glad that you shared with me the struggles that you are experiencing now.
at least i know... i am not alone.HAHA.
our nurses & operators do challenge this little doctor & engineer about her capability.... "ARE YOU SURE OR NOT???"

T_T

what you said today struck me pretty much...
when i was ard, did they appreciate my presence?
but when i was absent, why do they "complain" so much esp when the rest are much worse off...
but like what i said.
it's reali during this kind of comments, when you can discover that, your presence means a lot to them. when your presence is greatly taken notice off.
like what i said, when you didnt come to church or wat, i do take notice one OKKKKKK!
haha. so you see. it's reali a paradigm thingy.

and i admit,sometimes i may also paint a "too strong" mindy picture in my head too.
and forgotten that you are also ONLY a human. haha. a small little girl. who will experience the same kind of struggles like the rest. except, you hide it behind your brave & composed front. b-e-t-t-e-r. thats all.


--AbsoluteSApphire8--
9:29 PM




-Outside-In. Inside-Out?-
Sunday, October 01, 2006//
though i never go church only for 1 week.
today, when i step this hosue of God.
the feeling was rather similar to that when i return from my Aussie trip.

i feel so far away.
feel like it's been a long time since i last went to church.
or rather it feels like it's been a long long journey since i went back to the arms of God.

yes. thr-out these 2 weeks.
i was far from God.
busy-ness & tiredness & many other issues have consumed me.

i reali miss God.

yday after work. when i sit on my sofa and sit and watch my channle 5 show.
i suddenly remembered abt the miracle weekend.
so immediately i sms a few frds.
willy was one of them, though i didnt reali intend to ask him again,cos i tot i sure will get rejected.
but i tot, no harm. jus sms bah.

so he replied,"what's the special occasion tml?"
and i told him that it's children day and my church is celebrating family day.
after that, he didnt replied.
until today morning, when i woke up at 1130am then decided to call him.
he was asleep too.
but miraculously, he agreed.
HAHA.
thank God.
happy that he's Ok with the church & the stuff. and enjoyed the Pool session after service too.
prob, will try to reach out to him subtlely more & more bah.
God reali answered my prayers. very miraculous to see him man.

most ppl should know about willy in my life bah.
he is the 1st guy whom i reali reali like a lot.or rather the only guy whom i reali like before.
ha. from sec2 to about j2? during my TH yr3 & 4 was having some crushes here & there.
do i still like him?
dun think so.
cos he's not a christian?
yes. and no.
i guess, the lingering feeling i have for him is partially bcos of my loss & regret of not having him before.
perhaps that enhances the feeling of disappointment, explains the feeling of loss.

anyway, 11t - 12th nov.
sapphire is going to walk this 100km walk round singapore with Eejay. one of my frd in NUS, ME, FCBC.
he's one of PS adrian 12.
going to form a team with 4 other fcbc guys whom i dun know who they are yet.
took 2 night shift off to join this event.

cos i seriously need to do something to get out of the routine of my life.
i want to test my limits.
to do defining moment things with Faith.
next, will probably be serving in Nations. mission trips. leadership etc.

i am nothing. and i have nothing.and i do not deserve anything.
for what i have. all that i have. is by the Grace of God.

pastor reminded me again.
i am still outside-In. instead of Inside-out.

a big SIGH.

but still, i am not going to give up.
i want to glorify and exalt God.
without faith, it's impossible to please God.


--AbsoluteSApphire8--
7:14 PM


SApphire's Inner World
___________________

THIS IS MY STORY... hmmm...a Virgo, a High C individual...Helper, AChiever & Loyalist. lots of expectation for myself..perhaps also for the ppl around me. dun like to face failure and disappointment, but i am definitely learning. a Passive person, but as long as i appreciate the person, i will take the first step and get out of my comfort zone. the Language of my love for the person that i cherish will be time. the greater the time and effort spend on the person, the more important the person is to me in my life. A stubborn, hot tempered, emotional, pessimistic gal.Loner. "Anti-social" tagged by most people if you judge me by the first impression =) i graduated in NUS as a mechanical engineer. i tried working in STMicroelectronics as a process engineer. but found that this is somethg that i dun reali enjoy. because i know God has created me differently. He has made me with a passion to be with ppl. He has gave me a gift to make frds and minister to ppl. He has gave me a unique ability to make sincere relationship. bcos Christ reigns in me. so after becoming a engineer for a while, i quited and i am currently working in Walton international Grp(S) PTE LTD as a landbanker now. it's a career that i reali enjoy bcos i get to meet all walks of ppl in my life. i get to help ppl to better invest in a correct way. to analyse together with my cients the oppt and not jus to do hard selling. cos i dun believe in that. i like to share. Not only so, I am also Volunteering under Touch Community Service in my Church, Volunteering in NYC as well as Sunday school :) right now, my only Wish is to become even closer with Christ in this beauty journey of my Life. i am a full time Christian & only a part time daughter, frd, landbanker, sportsman etc... Lord, everything i have belongs to You... drop me an email: yanying8@singnet.com.sg or 97545658 (Walton) or 90997000 (DTZ)

SApphire's Favourites
___________________


To have Harmony & Peace. DayDreaming, Eating, Sleeping, Exercising, Catching up with peeps, Reading, Shopping, having LOTSSS of $$$, Travelling, meeting new ppl everyday :) I love Real Estate. most importantly, to be in the presence of God!

Precious Words
___________________



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