This heart that is disturbed. Friday, November 28, 2008//
So long since I last blog, last blog abt my life. Not then i was very busy. But i refuse to blog about my private life. Too much, too personal to put them down into words.
Perhaps, it deflicts the purpose of having an online journal, when you are so afraid to put them down....might as well go back to the traditional way of writing. So that onli I know. And of cos...God knows too..
Just to update, finally, I have achieved my 2008 1st target: to be in the Elite Club. God has blessed me with much this year. I am confident to declare that watever I have till today all comes from God - Jesus. Nothing that I can boast about that is about me. And even though I have achieved my goal, I still pray that God will continue to lead the path for me...continue to multiply my 5loaves & 2fishes. Continue to prosper me & open doors of opportunities for me.
I have become closer a few of my colleagues, though not from my divison, but from other's division. But i am still glad. They are lovely ppl to be with.
If only i can dont work, jus spend everyday to be with ppl that I love to hang out with.... but it's so selfish of me everytime when i tot of this....that i am simply so self centered. Where is the kingdom? Where is God? inside my heart? in my mind? I am so fallen short of, so so fallen short of...
Sharon said something to me that day on the MRT, i nearly cried. Once again, she highlighted my difficulty in establishing relationships. Difficult to trust...to be transparent, to be open, to be vulnerable... And i onli will do that, if I can tie a string to the person... how sad & how fearful I am...when she used that analogy that it shocked me..
And Tian-Xin shared something very personal with me tt evening at Kovan HK Cafe...that it has been lingering in my tots too. I wasnt shocked with the fact/truth, cos i had a gut feel too abt it. Jus that i refused to face it & been avoiding it.
Most importantly, I am very fearful. That i have fall for the wrong love. Fall for the wrong one, whom i cant fall for. When it's consuming me so much, then i seem to lose myself once again. When my whole day thinking about was you, when it should be God. When i feel weird, as somehow you came into my life & then leave me behind dangling there. But i also reckon that it wasnt your fault. Cos it was only on my side, that i allow me to feel that way. Perhaps i didnt guard my heart enuff. Perhaps i am just too weak. Perhaps.... And guiltily, i wish there could be something happening. Even if its wrong. I wish someday soon, you will be very proactively telling me how you felt towards me. And i wish, it could be a mutual feel.
BUT OF COS, i also cant. Bcos of the very very simple fact that I wouldnt want to sin....
It's tough. When I cant love the way i want to love. And when i have to love the way that i need and have to love.
sigh.
Continue
--AbsoluteSApphire8--
10:47 PM
Tuesday, November 25, 2008//
--AbsoluteSApphire8--
8:09 AM
Walton's Journey - RSVP with me today :) Thursday, November 20, 2008//
Finally after 29yrs worldwide & 12yrs in Spore as a ASIA headquarters, Walton has taken a BIG LEAP! :) We have invested $0.5million in educating the public further on land banking this coming November 2008!!
Venue: Suntec Convention Hall Date: 22nd Nov (SAT), 25th NOv (TUES) or 26th (WED) Time: 10am to 8pm, hourly session for SAT; 12noon - 8pm, hourly session for TUES & WED Presenters: Expertise from Walton in US Food: AWwww...alot alot! Cost: Complimentary for those RSVP guests Dress Code: Smart Casual
Walton International Group named this upcoming exciting & spectacular moments - Walton Journey Exhibition
Walton has organised this 4 Senses exhibition to create an informative yet interesting learning experience about land banking to the Managers' specially invited guests.
Walton International Group will be showcasing :- Research & Acquisition Strategies- Track record- Studies on WHY North America & Are we affected?- HOW do we manage to continue to deliver amidst the current financial crisis.
You will also be able to experience a 4 senses ( see, hear, smell and taste) connection to the top growing North American cities Walton embarks into, with the help of multi media platforms and regional cuisine.
Do let me know if you are keen to attend, I will inform my PA & reserve a seat for you.Pls take note that this event is PURELY FOR educational purpose, not for sales.Anyone of any age or any walk of life, if you are keen to find out. Do contact me:
yanying.ong@waltoninternational.com.sg97545658
--AbsoluteSApphire8--
1:12 AM
Wednesday, November 19, 2008//
And i think i like you...
--AbsoluteSApphire8--
7:05 AM
Saturday, November 15, 2008//
my heart has learnt to love much lately..but yet, when it comes too close, too fast.... And i am struggling, cos i felt handicapped again.
cos i do not know how to react too.
alright, i refuse to think so much in this area of fear of loving and especially being loved. too much for me to handle esp when i start feeling loved by the ppl around.
I have a determination: I have hit my Elite Club 2008 & i really want to thank God for His awesome providence, convenance as well His miracles in my life...as a testimony for the ppl around..
And Now, my next Goal is to achieve XXXX by dec 2008. I want to go back to my past. I want to gain back my confidence & my joy in a very temporal way.
Lord, I am confused. Sometimes even though I am still dwelling in your presence, but i still miss and need a physical presence of this somebody to embrace and to love me. Sometimes it is a struggle when you wish someone will be there and yet afraid that someone will be there. And why so Lord? Cos i am afraid of getting hurt and vulnerable? someone needs to be loved, to fill up this void within. and sometimes, i felt that in my life, there is no more excitement anymore. No more cravings, no more desires, no more tremendously heart-throb that can melt this heart.
Sigh.
--AbsoluteSApphire8--
5:07 AM
Tuesday, November 11, 2008//
I am tired & I think i need sleep. But then I am so tired, that when i fall onto my bed, I couldnt concuss immediately.
I have been to the MMI (Millionaire Mind Intensive Seminar) from fri-sun 2008 lately. HMMM, I must admit, it kindda of fall short of my expectations & what I think Mr. Harv will be... But, definitely I have gained some good insightful during this 3 days.
Greater Self Awareness, Greater understanding about what i seriously think about Money as well as Greater enrichment about what I exactly should think of things.
Some of the things that struck me are:
Money is NOT evil
Rich ppl are and can be NICE ppl too
There is nothing wrong with being RICH & SUCCESSFUL
It is possible to get rich easy, pain-less & struggle-less. Good things dont need to be hard to get
If you love & care for the ppl around, THEN you should by the more, get Rich, to bless others
If God has given me the ability to be rich, it is very neccessary for me to get REALLY rich & Successful, so that I can help those who DO NOT have this ability to be REALLY rich & successful.
I am more worthy than who I think I am
I am GOOD ENOUGH. I deserved to have, to be & to do
I am not JUST a good giver, I am also an excellent receiver! (which I am learning hard now)
Money solves problem, it doesnt create problems!
But, to be very frank........if you were to compare my 3D MMI seminar VS 1day Sunday church sermon on monday by Nick.... I believe the sunday sermon struck me more. I teared....when Nick mentioned about losing faith...and trying to find back that faith to carry on...to find strength...to find hope....to get out of depression, of pain, of hurt etc etc...
But God is interesting too. He has His "cannot be understood" ways to speak to me...to use me as his steward to speak to others...etc...
Currently, I just cannot think. I cant think, cos too much to think...
--AbsoluteSApphire8--
1:51 AM
Friday, November 07, 2008//
Sometimes, it hurts when relationships get a little too deep. Sometimes, it frustrates a little when you start forming expectations which you didnt mean to be Sometimes, you wonder why the vulnerability sinks in so deep that you feel so in danger, in pain and uncontrollable. And emotions get too strong.
you know its ironic when no man can be an island. When you need ppl around you and yet you wish you can be alone. Yaps, you are like the hermit crab, that avoid everytime when you get very uncomfortable. you start retracking when you feel closer to and intimate with. you feel a little loss when you do not know how to react when emotions get stirred up.
And i am tired.
Cos i am tired of sitting in this see-saw. I feel i can be emotion-less and just do things as a task. but i cant. Cos i am a emotion person. And i do thank God that my heart is not hardened.
Just that whenever i feel so vulnerable, i feel the pain. and then the headache.
i remain tired always as usual. tired Lord.
Would you grant me my desires of this last lap of Race, before i take a break & spend sometime doing solitude in your aweseome presence.
Lord, help me, help me, help me.
--AbsoluteSApphire8--
9:18 AM
Monday, November 03, 2008//
Phi's Underground Kitchen says: wat's with knowing u
Phi's Underground Kitchen says: how to know u better?
Phi's Underground Kitchen says: how are u feeling today miss ong
Phi's Underground Kitchen says: sometimes i think u are so leveled headed i dunno if u feel anything at all le
--AbsoluteSApphire8--
2:32 AM
My1st Hallowween partttyyyieee 2008 :) Saturday, November 01, 2008//
--AbsoluteSApphire8--
5:20 AM
SApphire's Inner World ___________________
THIS IS MY STORY...
hmmm...a Virgo, a High C individual...Helper, AChiever & Loyalist.
lots of expectation for myself..perhaps also for the ppl around me.
dun like to face failure and disappointment, but i am definitely learning.
a Passive person, but as long as i appreciate the person, i will take the first step and get out of my comfort zone.
the Language of my love for the person that i cherish will be time.
the greater the time and effort spend on the person, the more important the person is to me in my life.
A stubborn, hot tempered, emotional, pessimistic gal.Loner.
"Anti-social" tagged by most people if you judge me by the first impression =)
i graduated in NUS as a mechanical engineer. i tried working in STMicroelectronics as a process engineer. but found that this is somethg that i dun reali enjoy. because i know God has created me differently.
He has made me with a passion to be with ppl. He has gave me a gift to make frds and minister to ppl. He has gave me a unique ability to make sincere relationship.
bcos Christ reigns in me.
so after becoming a engineer for a while, i quited and i am currently working in Walton international Grp(S) PTE LTD as a landbanker now.
it's a career that i reali enjoy bcos i get to meet all walks of ppl in my life. i get to help ppl to better invest in a correct way. to analyse together with my cients the oppt and not jus to do hard selling.
cos i dun believe in that. i like to share.
Not only so, I am also Volunteering under Touch Community Service in my Church, Volunteering in NYC as well as Sunday school :)
right now, my only Wish is to become even closer with Christ in this beauty journey of my Life.
i am a full time Christian & only a part time daughter, frd, landbanker, sportsman etc...
Lord, everything i have belongs to You...
drop me an email: yanying8@singnet.com.sg or 97545658 (Walton) or 90997000 (DTZ)
SApphire's Favourites ___________________
To have Harmony & Peace.
DayDreaming, Eating, Sleeping, Exercising, Catching up with peeps,
Reading, Shopping, having LOTSSS of $$$, Travelling, meeting new ppl everyday :)
I love Real Estate.
most importantly, to be in the presence of God!
