Lord, I feel very very jagged,,
Monday, October 27, 2008//
These few days have been a too happening week.
not that the activities were happening...but the things that were discussed...the things that i found out...i found it a huge burden onto me...i found it suffocating..i found it so ugly and so imperfect.
That it's so painful.
Married woman, do guard your heart against the other man, especially those married man.
Married man, do not flirt & sin emotionally. Be responsible & take ownership.
Be discipline.
And then the ppl in this world who are so jagged by the things in these world..conformed so much...thats its scary..
It was initially tempting to want to be "like them", but i was surprised when the feelings was revolved to being "scared & very afraid" to be like them...
The world has fallen, indeed, it has.
And i was so surprised when the ppl around have this "impression" of me, that I am a "2-lane highway"...
I need to be with more like-minded ppl...so that my spirit can be edified...can be affirmed...can be encouraged...
No wonder, we need wisdom.
Today, steph Goh, Pastor and Sharon prayed for me..
But the most painful one, was what Sharon prayed. I teared...with hurt & pain.
I always have this "affiliation" that i feel towards this good frd of mine in church.
She always manage to pray into the deep moments of my heart.
I have 2 goals to achieve this year by Dec 2008:
(1) To be in the Elite Club 2008 in Walton.
(2) To reach XXXX.
Lord, grant me the desires of my heart...I chose to believe in your faithfulness & your providence. You will grant me self control & discipline of my heart & mind. Grant me ability to be secured in who I am.
Grant me a cheerful heart to be who I am. To accept myself for who I am. Not to compare with others too O Lord.
--AbsoluteSApphire8--
3:44 AM
Saturday, October 25, 2008//
We must face up to our sins before we can put them behind us.
--AbsoluteSApphire8--
12:33 AM
Wednesday, October 22, 2008//
It's an interesting experience.
When i went to this place called Luna at Clarke Quay with some of my colleagues after our hotel seminar. Been such a LONG time since, i drank so much.
Not that i drink a lot, just that i hardly drink.
Except my Trip in US.
It was a very cantonese pop place..haha...but the music was nice.
I had quite a lot of good fun especially with this particular colleague of mine...haha.
She is a bimbo la.
But it was fun :) Been so long, since i seriously let loose, have fun & drink.
But the bad thing was...i was almost drunk.
Vomitted 2 freaking times when i reach home.
once just OUTSIDE my lift :(
once in my kitchen toilet bowl.
I was so drowsy, then i changed and sleep.
230am & woke up at 7am+ for appt...
And "popped" a panadol, when i woke up in the afternoon...
cos having headache & hung over :(
lousy shit i am!!!
And yday, this special colleague of mine...spoke to me about God.
Abt the priorities in life, that need to be set right.
Abt the miracles and providence that the Lord has granted.
Abt the faith and the confidence in knowing who our Father truly is.
Abt the importance to let go & let God.
It's interesting.
And we were discussing about the success formula that each one of us has.
It's interesting to know that each one of us are just so uniquely different.
No point comparing...and being envious and jealous.
Wish them the best, learn from them & grow together.
And i thank God for this bunch of great colleagues :)
Especially Christian colleagues who keep me sane...so that i do not sidetrack in this journey of my life.
Life is a journey. Do not go through it so fast, then you have reach destination, but forgot how you get there...and missed out the scenaries along the path...
--AbsoluteSApphire8--
11:17 PM
Sunday, October 19, 2008//
I am afraid. I think I might have fallen in love with you.
The wrong type of love, of emotions, of attachment.
Perhaps, this is not reali love?
I have no idea.
Its scary, how lack of self control can lead to.
And how without deliberately guarding your heart and mind can be..
--AbsoluteSApphire8--
4:24 AM
Monday, October 13, 2008//
'One thing on which economists have been proved wrong again and again is in the flexibility and reactivity of the US economy. Despite all the terrible things it has been through this year, the US will still record higher growth than either Europe or Japan.' - Iconoclastic economic forecaster Thierry Apoteker
--AbsoluteSApphire8--
8:43 AM
Friday, October 10, 2008//
http://www.godtube.com/view_video.php?viewkey=8cf08faca5dd9ea45513
This is an amazing video...
I nearly teared towards the end, with this amazing song...
I was a marathron runner & i understand how tough it is to complete a race & to complete it strong...
And he did it with love for another person.
Like this song sings " My redemmer lives".....
Every lyrics that was sung touches my heart & brought meaning to me, bring me back to earth, down to earth once again.
This love, this love that is what life is all about.
May this video speaks to you, in your own uniquely way...
philippians 4:11: " I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me"
Who taught the sun where to stand?
Who taught the sea where to come this far?
Who taught the falling stars?
That's cos our redeemer lives. Not just mine. But yours as well.
All of the creation testify there is life within me - Christ.
________________________________________________________________
Who taught the sun where to stand in the morning? And who told the ocean you can only come this far? And who showed the moon where to hide till evening? Whose words alone can catch a falling star? Chorus:Well I know my Redeemer livesI know my Redeemer livesAll of creation testifiesThis life within me criesI know my Redeemer livesYe-e-eahThe very same GodThat spins things in orbitRuns to the weary, the worn and the weakAnd the same gentle hands that hold me when I'm brokenThey conquered death to bring me victoryNow I know, my Redeemer livesI know my Redeemer livesLet all creation testifyLet this life within me cryI-I-I knowMy RedeemerHe livesTo take away my shameAnd He livesForever I'll proclaimThat the payment for my sinsWas the precious life He gaveAnd now He's alive andThere's an emptyGrave! And I knowMy Redeemer livesHe livesI knowMy Redeemer livesLet all creation testifyLet this life within me cryI-I-I know my RedeemerI knowMy Redeemer lives*I know my Redeemer lives**I know, That I know, that I know, that I know, that I knowHe lives*my redeemer lives**Because He lives I can face tomorrowHe lives*I know, I know*He lives*I spoke with Him this morning!*He lives*The tomb is empty*He lives*He Lives! I'm going to tell everybody!!*
--AbsoluteSApphire8--
6:04 PM
Wednesday, October 08, 2008//
http://www.alighthouse.com/aftertherain.htm
After The Rain
Whatever your cross, whatever your pain,
There will always be sunshine, After The Rain.
Perhaps you may stumble, you might even fall
But God's always ready to answer your call.
He knows every heartache, sees every tear
A word from His lips can calm every fear.
Your sorrows may linger throughout the night
But suddenly vanish, at dawn's early light.
The Savior is waiting somewhere above,
To give you His grace and send you His love.
Whatever your cross, whatever your pain,
God always sends rainbows, After The Rain.
--AbsoluteSApphire8--
6:23 PM
Me and You.
//
Emotional, yes I am.
Jealous, yes I am.
Insecured, yes I am.
Inferior, yes I am.
Low self confidence, yes I am.
Discontented, yes I am.
Missing you, yes I am.
Overstressed, yes I am.
very pissed, yes I am.
Feel like giving up, yes I am.
Tired of trying, yes I am.
Why me? yes I ask.
Why not me? yes I ask.
Will I have? yes I ask.
Will I not have? yes I ask.
Why so then? yes I ask.
Why so not then? yes I ask.
this little heart is feeling very unsettled.
I want to XXXX XXXXXX XXX!!!
I want to XXX XXXXX XXXX XXX!!!
I want to be the XXX XXXXXXX XXX!!!
I want you to know that X XXXX XXX!!!
I want to know if X XXXX XX XXX!!!
I pray. prayed. praying.
Would you Lord? Take a look at my hands & my heart.
A pure heart, tt's what i long for, which i truly find it so unattainable that Iwant to give up trying.
--AbsoluteSApphire8--
8:23 AM
Monday, October 06, 2008//
I hate to be mis-interpreted.
If you do not know me, then pls dont insist that you know me.
I know who i truly am. Many times, the things that i do, could be mis-interpreted by those around.
But i am clear of my conscious.
I apologise when my humility is seen as being hypocritical or fake to you.
I apologise when my performance seems to be a form of cheating and dishonesty to you.
I apologies when you feel that i am jus another KS and selfish person.
But truly, i know myself, who i truly am.
I do not need to justify myself to you. I do not need to win my favour or trust from you.
Neither do i want to try so hard to explain myself.
Cos i am tired. I just wannan run my own race.
--AbsoluteSApphire8--
6:53 AM
Sunday, October 05, 2008//
--AbsoluteSApphire8--
8:27 AM
Thursday, October 02, 2008//
And I had a tiring day today!
But finally tml is Friday!
Lord, bless me with a lovely friday! Let it be a favourable, fruitful & abundance Friday!
Lord, open doors of opportunities for me.
Lord, grant me favours and favours from the ppl around.
Lord, allow me to reap the harvest that you have in plan for me.
Lord, grant me miracle & the desire of my heart.
Lord, settle this heart.
Lord, it's like a see-saw.
Lord, it's painful, when i always have to deal with an inner struggle between my mind and my heart.
Heart - are you still alive? or dead right now? Answer me, Heart.
--AbsoluteSApphire8--
7:17 AM
Wednesday, October 01, 2008//
It's dangerous....when things are getting more valid and clearer...when the inner deep desires start to surface more and more... and you start to learn to acknowledge them...
And so things start surfacing so much lately then i am scared.
I hate to know that this heart has betrayed me once again.
And this heart has wandered astray again. again. and again.
Jealousy, Envy, Lingering Tots, thumping heartbeat, joy in your presence and lost of my purpose in your absence.
And i seriously rather my heart cant feel. Perhaps, i can protect myself more. much. more.
Careless Whisper, i played it in a repeat mode the whole night.
Why doesnt this heart go so weak everytime?
--AbsoluteSApphire8--
4:31 AM
